h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~walks in, followed by the cabin boy~

Sir, I understand you want to talk about the Birthday party on Monday. You also mentioned something about requiring additional Bar Staff. Would you like me to arrange that?

Yes, very much. We'll be having two extra mobile bars for the Main Messroom, and I won't be able to work myself.
You think you can get me three extra people for the bar? Then we have two people behind each bar

Certainly sir. I understand that sir will not be working as he wants to ensure that a certain lady enjoys herself. What else did Sir want to brief me on?

~grin~
Wel...yes, there's that , but I also have to DJ, and make sure that everything goes right with the live-act etcetera .
Also I would like to ask you if you could make sure that the bars are fully stocked through the day, and maybe some waiters who are walking around.
If you have any questions regarding the food, you should ask Light, she should know more about that.
I think I might need some people to build the stage and things like that. Can you and the others help me with that?

Certainly sir, consider the bars organised and staffed.

I will also ask some colleagues to be waiters, although we may have to beam them in especially. Will they be paid for their troubles?

We will all help with stage construction, although you may find that the ships handy men are better equipped to help, we will, however do our best as always.

Will there be anything else Sir?

No, that'll be all. I'll go and ask the captain for the payment you requested. Consider that done.
Keep me informed, will you ?

Certainly sir

- bows and exits -

- returns to the Cabin Boys notice board and posts a notice as follows -

Wanted - bar staff for party on Monday 20 July. To apply please contact Cabin Boy c/o the main Messroom. Pirates need not apply (since they will be at the party)

- goes and sits quietly in the corner -

- A homely lady, whose apron is always clean and whose grey hair has a blue rinse through it walks in. She has obviously taken a great deal of care over her appearance but somehow manages to look threadbare and somewhat messy. -

Hello dearie, I am here about your advert for bar staff

- smiles -

Hello Mrs Miggins. I am glad that you are here, it will be good to work with you again. Are you available on Monday? The usual rates?

- Mrs Miggins nods -

Good, I would like you to take charge of one of the bars. Please would you report to me on Monday for a full briefing.

Yes dearie, Oh I brought you a pie by the way, here you are

- hands Cabin Boy a hot steaming pie -

See you on Monday dear

- waves and leaves -

- waves -

Thank you Mrs Miggins

Mr Boy? I am here to audition, sorry I mean offer my services as a bar man. I am an actor and I have considerable experience gained from the periods of time when I am between parts. My name is Robin Reliant, well that’s my stage name, my real name is Tim.

Hello Robin, thank you for applying. Your face looks familiar, where have I seen it?

Well, I have been in a number of productions, school plays. Oh and I was an extra on Casulty once ....

No I don't think that is it - did you used to work at the Old Kings Arms?

Umm, yes I did. I remember you now - a pint of special and a whisky chaser wasnt it?

Thats right - you are hired. Just one thing, no helping yourself, to the food, the drink or the guests that is. I trust your reputation was unfounded. Please report for duty on Monday

Yes Mr Boy, I mean no Mr Boy. I will be here on Monday and I am sure you are mixing my reputation with someone elses. I will play the perfect barman.