h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Are we posting our efforts below the entry, or mailing them to the Post Team?

OK, I'll post it here, then



"It dawned too late on Picard that, although he had performed the Galacto-masonic handshake with the Qz'Fbarin president with faultless protocol, he may not have selected the correct appendage."

yours and MVP's are too funny to be bad enough!



Qwetrghtdcvznoyyllt, a Fgtyhjuidsctxxzian from Hjkuyghtghtdd looked across to where his Significant Other, suspended from the ceiling by a mesh of silk webbing, was resting half emerged from her fourth-instar moult and sighed; he just knew Phfffdxxxicotyl was going to demand, as soon as he'd gained the energy to speak, that the whole pod be redecorated to match the colour scheme of this latest skin.

Go on I'll have a go, although it depends on your definition of worst...

"The socks were on the line, which smelled like milk, because milk had been spilt on them when the cat had been trying to drink from the milk bottle and had spilt it all over them."

In the Gamma Sector, a stinking brown mass suddenly appeared , and it didn't take long until a black cloud of what looked like whirling insects hung over it, unperturbed by the triumphant howling of a lone cyber dog next to it.

You people are too funny and clever for words. Shame on you, B'Elana, that was actually *good*. I thought this was supposed to be a BAD sentence?

Like this one, which is as awful as I can make it without actually shooting myself:

It was a bright and starry night - night always, and always starry, here in the stellar nursery of the nebula - doubly bright and doubly starry to the fascinated eyes of Dr Hugh McComber, as he adjusted his self-patented personalised gravity-and-atmosphere-aura belt and turned his opticometrically enhanced spectacles in the direction of that which he had journeyed light-years at vast, commercially-subsidised expense to see: the emerging corona of a new astronomical entity tentatively titled by his generous sponsors 'Novus Walmartus'.

Take that, Bulwer Lytton.

'Novus Walmartus'

I used to have a book, it was a compilaton of quotes and phrases from sci-fi authors and books called "Ghastly Beyong Belief" that had some real toe curlers in it.
Here's my attempt:

"The sensor's aren't picking up any signs of intelligent life,just a mad nueral haze" said officer Ednorf," These people still think mobile phones with cameras are good idea!"

Their eyes met across the room, a bit like 2 people meeting in the supermarket, maybe Sainsburys but it doesn't really matter much, and reaching for the same tin of beans on special offer; but not like meeting your lawyer for a briefing before going to court on charges of GBH.

Great!

I love the names!

Do cyber dogs do...?

Am I allowed to add another one?

"He watched horrified as the creature emerged from its shell, glaring balefully at him with bloodshot eyes and waving tentacles that were blotched red and white like uncooked sausages; the resemblance to his Commanding Officer was overwhelming."


Sorry, I think this could be addictive!

''I sat thoughtfully on the porch and watched the colony's second moon hanging in space, green and enigmatic like a tennis ball (although much bigger, further away and not covered in green fuzz), as I did every night (except when the weather was bad or I had an appointment elsewhere).''

This would be good if it wasn't for the parentheses!

Colonel Alien-Befriender (First Class) Fivetide Humidyear VII of the Winterhunter tribe threw four of his limbs around the human and hugged him tightly to his central mass, pursing his lip fronds and pressing his front beak to the human's cheek.











.....I just couldn't resist this, but this wasn't written by me, it was the second sentence of the third chapter of Excession by Iain M Banks which I just happen to be reading today.

Proving that some scifi writers should be ashamed of themselves.

too true - and he happens to be one of the best at the moment. Do you find that when an author gets very popular very quickly, they soon become formulaic and repetitive?



Obviously, this would never happen to me I will remain true to my art and remain impoverished. But I am struggling to join in this competition to write a suitable sentence.

I didn't have any problems to come up with a bad first sentence.

yes but yours was funny B'El, mine just struggle to be boring.