h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Lady of Shallot rides forth looking back for her errant knight*

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

Runs up, out of breath (slightly);

"I'me here"
"why does this always happen?:? Why do we always get seperated? Well, can't waste any time"


Sir Knight grabs his towel, and shampoo he got from Sandra, goes off for a shower, until the Lady returns!

[Lady of Shalott]

I think perhaps it's lag. Don't use all the shampoo.

*Thonk - Lady of Shalott hits the deck in a dead faint.

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut, just washed)

Returns from shower, with towel wrappped around waist.

"Lady of Shalott!"

Rushes over to where Lady of Shalott lays in dead-faint;

"Right, how to deal with faints"

Kisses her softly, waits for response.......

(Hourse)
"hay"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"What do you want?"

(hourse (percy))

"Hay"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"YES, What do you want?"


(Hourse (percy))

"I want hay"

(Sir Knight of rippling muscles and good hair cut)

"Oh, I see....."

Fans towel over Lady of Shalott, still attempting to revive; wonders if another kiss or bucket of water would be best..

Lady of Shalott begins to stir...

Sir Knight decides on kiss rather than bucket of water which would ruin her hair..

[Lady of Shalott]

*A jibbering wreck*

Bub, bub, bub, bub, bub, etc.

(Sir Knight of Rippling Muscles and Good Hair Cut)

Attempts to calm down Lady of Shalott...

"Whats up?"

(Percy the hourse)

"hay"

(Sir Knight of Rippling Muscles and Good Hair Cut)

"don't start that again..."


(Percy the hourse)

"OK.."

[Lady of Shalott]

I found a split end.

Anyway, I think we need to talk. I swoon a lot, being a lady it is expected of me. Problem is that swooning wastes a lot of time so I have learnt the mystic art of astral projection to occupy me while I'm out cold. Did you think I wouldn't notice you skulking off to the battlements and riding forth with that brazen hussy?

You knights are all the same. It was just like that with my Lancey. Oh, well, I suppose it's back to the river for me. Oh, woe, I'd just got my hair looking so nice and now it's back to the matted green look and b****y pondweed.

(Sir Knight RM and GHC)

looking really misserable,...

"I'me sorry, I was seduced, probably by majic, she was evil, please don't go, we must follow in our quest to find a kingdom, your kingdom so all your wealths and jewls can be placed therein, and somewhere with its own Hair salon, so we should set forth, together, and repair your split end...."

(Hourse percy)
"I did warm you of that other, evil, majicical, witch disguised as a towel lady..."

[Lady of Shalott]

Nope, I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. Besides, it would never work, you're always running off somewhere. No, I think I'm bored of being a one dimensional stereotype, I need to go off, explore my inner woman and find myself. I might go on a self help weekend or something. You never know, our paths may cross again.

Goodbye.

(Sir Knight of RM and GHC)

cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry

Knight breaks down...

Sob
sob
sob
sob
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry

Holds up shampoo to give to Lady, continues crying, on knees in dirt.....

[Lady of Shalott]

*Throws a withering look of disdain in the prostrate knight's (or the knight's prostate's) direction)*

Please don't do that. Now you're all grubby, don't touch my shoes.

(Sir Knight of RM and GHC)
"my lady.."
hands over jewl encrusted jewlery box;
"go on; open it"

[Lady of Shallot]

My love! I am sorry, how could I have doubted you. You offer me a beautiful gift, let me offer you one too. Here is a lovely, new, shiny breastplate. It's a spare for when your other one is in the wash. Please, try it on and see if it fits, I like the idea of seeing you with your breast plate off!!! I bet the new one will show your muscles off to perfection.

(Sir Knight of really doubting choice of name!)

removes old breastplate;
"like me with my breastplate off; why don't you take yours off!!!"

Trys on new breastplate; fits perfectly;
"how did you know; just what a Knight like me needs; a spare breastplate (you can never have enough breastplates)"
wipes dirt off shoes with old-towel and stands up.
"shall we continue on our quest?"

[Lady of Shallot]

Just let me savour the view first.

(Sir Knight of...)


"which side is best?"
poses for the lady!
"any idea where the hourse percy/cammel went?"

[Lady of Shallot]

5-4-3-2-1

Ha!

*watches with great pleasure as knight's hair falls out*

There you are you Did you think you could get away with cheating on me and that I would do nothing. Have you not read "Medea"?

Your armour is impenetrable to magic, so I tricked you into removing it and got you to put on a breastplate soaked with a magic hair-falling out vial.

Will men never learn? Samson and Delilah, Ahab and Jezebel, Jason and Medea. Women will always get the better of their men.

Again I say, "HA!" Lets see you run off with a floosy now.

Ooo, I'm glad that's out of my system. Let that be a lesson to you. Right, where are we going now, and can I see what's in my jewelled box?

(Sir Knight of being put back into his place as the inferiour sex)

"Of course you can open the box; You don't need my permission to do anything, I am your servent, obay your every command, my leader, my lady, I am mearly a poor, feeble hearted, stupid, hairless knight.."

hands over hewl encrusted jewlery box...

"I don't dnow; where would you like to go?"
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1!!!

[Lady of Shalott]

Hm, I don't trust you. You open the box.

*Hands the box back*

(Sir Paranoid Knight, formularly of RM/GHC)
"paranoid?"
takes box and opens;
"there, what do you think of that, as a symbol of my undying love and loyality for you?"
stands nervously...