h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Dull and serious bit part knight #2]'Ush up there m'laddo. Its no easy being a knight in 'is majesties h'armed forces neither. Any more of your lip, h'and we'll be for 'anging you up by the Trossachs.

[Tardis]
*sniggers, then realises it left it's external speaker on. Tries to look small and inconspicuous as the serfs and knights look around to see where the sound came from*

[Knight #1]
What was that? Halt who goes there?

[Comedy bit Part Serf #7]
I tolds you, it was that blue box. There's somebody inside. I hears 'em talk earlier.

[Knight #2]
*takes the hilt of his sword off the back of the serf's head. The serf collapses with a groan*
That'll shut you up me laddo. Come on Lets get this worthless bit of human garbage out of here. This place is giving me the willies.

[Knight #1]
I'm right beside you.

*they scarper post haste, dragging the serf between them*

Suddenly Albert the Dragonkeeper appears from nowhere and grabs Comedy Bit Part Serf #7 by the ankles and hauls him away from the Daleks.
[Daleks] Exterminate the smelly one!
[Albert] Oh hell.
Albert runs off, followed my the ever-so-slightly miffed Daleks. he throws a sock at them and makes good his escape, only to be faced by a gang of angry Bloobles...
[Annoying Young Blooble] Get the tall, stinky one, he stuck his tongue out at me!

[Tardis]
*switches off external olfactory sensors, due to appalling stench*

[Comedy bit part serf #7]*Being dragged by his ankles and hence having his head bounce off of all the stones*
I'm a bear of very little brain.
*Shakes head* Oi, wots ra story 'ere then? Ur youse gonnae put me down?

[Albert]
No! Its off to the pits wit' you, me lad.

[Tardis]

*re-energizes hoping for new adventure*

[Doctor Who]

*opens door*
"Egads!
This doesn't look likeeither"!

[Sarah Jane Smith]



"I want to go home, Doctor! I left my oven on 2 years ago and I probably burnt down the whole town by now."


[Doctor Who]

"There, there, my dear. I'm sure the local Fire Brigade is perfectly equipped to handle such an idiotic mistake. If not, I can always take you back to just before we left then all this will never have happened. Chin up! Worse things happen at sea!"

[DALEK]

"H A L T O R Y O U W I L L B E E X T E R M I N A T E D"

[Sarah Jane Smith]

*screams*

[The Master]

*watches slyly from behind a rock*

Chuckle

*Trims pointy beard a bit*

[Sarah Jane Smith]

*screams*

What is it, Doctor?!?!?!

[Tardis]
*thinks "Has she not understood anything yet? I don't know, you would think she could spot a Dalek by now. Hmmm, who's that lurking in the shaddows by the beard trimmings? Oh no it's the Master. *sigh* no doubt he'll try and steal me yet again. Saying that I might get my Chameleon circuit fixed. Always a dab hand with the old electronics is the Master, but a bit clumsy with his regenerations and always losing his Tardis. Poor thing has a personality compley, doesn't think the MAster cares for her enough. I remeber one adventure when we managed to slip away together for a, ah, ahem, better not persue that train of thought any longer, can't have me prematurely dematerialising again. causes no end of trouble. Hmm, wonder what's happening now"*

[Sarah Jane Smith]

*having recovered from the previous sighting of what turned out to be only a turns and sees the Dalek*

Dear me, here we go again...

*takes a deep breath*

*screams*

What is IT, Doctor?!?!?!

You know, I'm actually quite brilliant. Why do I always fall into this trap? Ah well, might as well continue on then.

*cowers behind the Doctor*

[Doctor Who]

*takes out sonic screwdriver*

[Sonic Screwdriver]

No, no! Please don't point me at the Dalek! You know what happened last time! It caused a feedback loop and destroyed an entire solar system!

Oh no!
We haven't still got that shrieking woman as a hitchhiker have we?


Why can't you get any nice, strong handsome men, Doctor?
That Jamie was rather tasty in his kilt.

Oh, Doctor...please tell me you are not going to stick me into that Dalek!
Please don't do this to me Doctor!
Oh why have you never learned my language?

[Doctor Who]

*sticks Sonic Screwdriver into Dalek recepticle*

[Dalek]



[Sonic Screwdriver]



[Sarah Jane Smith]

*screams*

[Master]

*muffles Sarah Jane Smith and kidnaps her*


AGB wonders whether this post will survive the weekend

LOL

[Tardis]
*sniggers*

[Doctor]
Sarah?

[Dalek]
A-bort. Re-try. F-ail

[Sonic Screwdriver]
And I'm spent!

[The Master]

*returns Sarah Jane Smith*
I'm sick of her screaming!
Black Dalek, take me to your leader!

[Black Dalek]

A N Y O N E G O T A C I G A R E T T E ?

[Sonic Screwdriver]

Oh please Doctor, do that again!

[Tardis]

*rolls eyes*

[Sarah Jane Smith]

*flings herself at the Doctor*
Oh, Doctor, please! Take me away from this evil place!

[Doctor Who]

*rolls eyes*
*removes Sarah's arms from around his waist*
Here, just hold onto the sonic screwdriver a moment, it's too warm to put back in my pocket.
Calm down my dear.
Would you like a sweet?
I have some jelly babies somewhere.
*pats pockets*
Now, where...?

[Sonic Screwdriver]

Exterminste exterminate
hello fello tme travlers!
Im paul simpson

[Black Dalek]

*exterminates paul simpson*

[Sarah Jane Smith] *revives Paul Simpson with a * [Doctor Who] You are all cordially invited to join my Appreciation Society at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F79498?thread=151157&latest=1 *disappears*

[DOCTOR WHO'S MATE]

check out the H2G2 Doctor Who Group at

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A655256

It's about Doctor Who so you'll love it.

[Time loop]

I could have sworn I just gave out that link...

[TIME TRAVEL]

While travelling in time it is impossible to know if you have done something, or will in the furure.

Spook