h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A544050

This is my first serious article. I've tried to keep it balanced and unopinionated, and I've been careful not to quote out of books.
I'd like some advice on how to improve it, and maybe someone could tell me when I've put my apostrophes in the wrong places- I do that lots and I know how unprofessional it seems.


Thanks.
(be nice to me I'm new to this writing game.)

*Blushes*
It should have been
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A544060
Sorry about that.

salvadore dali:

I think this is a great entry and it belongs in the peer review more than in the workshop.
I love Dali's works (And I actually have a huge "Swans reflecting Elephants" print hanging in my room), but I never read anything about him personally till today.

Also, I know he influanced H.R Giger, and probably a great many others. maybe you can add a section on that... Not only what affected him, but also what and who he affected.

Well, I'm from Israel, so my mother tongue is hebrew, but my english is good, so I allow myself to correct people, and also I like to be corrected, so if there are mistakes in this message ttell me about them please.

Some people will also think I am a bit meticulous, but I wrote everything I saw, and you can do whatever you see fit with it.

Actually, all I found was typos and minor grammatical mistakes:


Being Dislectic, I wrote explenations to what I think is wrong in each correction, cause I do a lot of mistakes too.

On the introduction:
Second paragraph:
"Napolean" -> Napoleon (last a to o)
"Academia De San Fernado" -> Academia De San Fernando (add the n near the end)
"many contacts which" -> many contacts, which (add comma)


On "Individuals who influenced Dali section":
On "Luis Brunel":
first paragraph:
"Andalasian Dog" -> Andalusian Dog (the 3rd a changes to u
"only-" -> only - (add a whitespace after only)

Second paragraph:
"grey" -> gray
". , so" -> . So (s should be uppercase and comma is uvnecessary)
"Brunels" -> Brunel's



on "His Rift with the Surrealists":
First paragraph:
i'm not sure, but on the beginning of the paragraph I think "should" should really be shouldn't. Not sure about that though.
I'd like to know what "scandazed" means (maybe it's scandalized??? I don't think it fits there? I don't know)
"Lububrious Game" -> Lugubrious Game(first b needs to be a g), nice painting though I especially like the bird inside the rabbit in the ear of the woman who is nibbling on the grasshopper.
"whos" -> whose

Second paragraph (a line to be exact):
"Nethertheless" -> Nevertheless

Fourth paragraph:
"veiwer" -> viewer



On "Influences on Dali's work":
On "Hitler"
"Hittler" -> Hitler

On "The Angelus of Millet"
First paragraph:
Architechtonic -> Architectonic (Second ch is actually a c)
"agressive" -> aggressive (gg)
"desribed" -> described (add a c)

Second paragraph:
"if" -> If (Capital at beggining of sentance)
"pisture" -> picture
"shape which" -> shape, which

On "The telephone"
"Telphone" -> Telephone
"reciever" -> receiver (i before e except after c!!!)

On "Money"
"exhorbitant" -> exorbitant (h is unnececcery)
"paintings which" -> paintings, which (add comma)

Thanks a lot for this post. I enjoyed it verry much, and I can't wait till it'll be on Peer review.

This also happens to be the longest entr I ever put in a discussion.

Yours,

Itai Basel
_________________
[email protected]

Thanks for your input, I went with most of your recommendations(except your American spellings etc). Maybe I will put it up for peer review.
I'm glad you liked it. I thought the lack of replies meant everyone hated it.

no, a lack of replies means either we have not seen it yet, or we have nothing to contribute. for example, I had nothing to add to this thread until you wondered about the lack of response. don't get worried about lack of response until at least two weeks have passed since the last one.

When you create a peer review thread for this entry, please tell me.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F48874?thread=111506 I decided to be brave and go for it. Now watch it get torn to shreds.

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'The h2g2 Writing Workshop' to 'Influences in the life of Salvador Dali'.

This Conversation has been moved because this entry has already been accepted for the Edited Guide from Peer Review.