h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So the country's name is Holland. Or The Netherlands. And the people are called Dutch. But they speak Flemish.

Are they just trying to confuse the rest of us?

So what do I do again when Mr. Roper calls?

Let me shine some light on the matter.

The name of the country is 'The Netherlands' ('Nederland' in Dutch and Flemish)
Holland are jus two provinces (Northern and Southern Holland), these provinces played a big role in the 18th century. Allot of people use it to refer to the whole country.
The people are called Dutch and speek Dutch. (I don't have the slightest idea why. In Dutch it is just "Nerderlander" and "Nerderlands") The people in Flemish Belgum speak Flemish. It is a bit like British and American English



I hope it cleared up some things.

Dutch comes from the german word for the german language: "deutsch" (you know, Deutschland). Since dutch and german resemble eachother quite a lot (same language group), in one way or another "dutch" has become the term the english use for our language.
Dutch is also the basis for "afrikaans", the south-african language. "Apartheid" is probably the most well-known dutch word.
Many, many naval and water terms come straight out of the dutch language because of our long battle with the seas. dyken=>dykes, polder=>polder, maalstroom=>mealstrom

Whatever you want to call it, visit the place!
I love Holland and there is no other place in the world with such a sensible attitude to soft drugs and porn!

Friendly people too!

Right... oh-kayy...

In contrast to all the clarifications left and right, I think you´re all stil quite confused.

Let me as the president of Dutch, clarify once and for allovertheplace:

Holland is a middle height boy, about twelve years old, and he goes to school in Skokie Illinois, USA. He lives Flagstaff Arizona, but still hasn't realised that this is even the case.

Do I make myself clear?

The Country is called Nederland (The Netherlands), two provinces are called
Noord Holland & Zuid Holland (North&South).
They are called Dutch in allmost the rest of the world,
But we call ourselves Nederlanders or hollanders.

Most people seem to think that The Netherlands are alive only in Holland.

To stop the confusion: If it is official (to tell your lawyer where you are) you call it
the Netherlands. In any other case call it Holland.

Dutch don't speak Flemish (vlaams) but Dutch.
There are some differences between them, like USA and UK english.

Last note about Holland, The French call it Les Pays Bas (The low lands).

I'd disagree with the statement there's no other place like it. In Nagasaki, Japan a millionaire built a theme-park called Holland Village full of full-size replicas of buildings/placesof Dutch things like a street/canal, the house where the queen lives, ships, etc.
Uncanny stuff to travel half the world and be back home.

I also disagree with the fact that we've got a very sensible attitude to soft-drugs; I think the rest of the world has a very unsensible attitude. Ha!
I'm also not too sure about the definition of a sensible attitude towards porn. What's that? Just because it's readily available over here, prostitution is legalized (mainly for tax-purposes I think, we're Dutch after all, hohum), and 50% of the public tv-channels broadcast (soft) porn every bleedin' night after 10:30 or thereabouts doesn't imply a sensible attitude, but just means that there are a lot of sad and lonely fuckers (including this h2g2 researcher) out there who rather watch some people they don't know and never will meet get naked and do the dirty. Very sensible indeed.

Yes you're quite clear.
Although I think I met this guy once, and he's not middle height but quite short. And he actually doesn't go to school (that's what his mum thinks) but plays truant and smokes some of that very sensible Dutch weed.

I think Dutch does not come from the word "deutsch", it comes from the word "Diets", a language spoken in Europe a long long time ago. Dutch and German evolved from Diets.
I'm not certain, but I think that's the story.

In one sense, 'Dutch' came from 'deutsch'. In Pennsylvania, when the Germans came to settle, they told the English-speakers around that they were 'Deutsch', and as only monoglots can do, they garbled that into 'Dutch' to confuse everyone. So, the "Pennsylvania Dutch" are really the Pennsylvania Germans.

Don't know if the word "Dutch" existed before that, though. I'm just sharing trivia.

*raises her hand meekly*

Erm... ah, my... my seventh grade science teacher told us that English is a... *cough* is a... Germanic language.

*sits down*

Right, but do you speak English?

Okay, that's obvious. Do you speak German?

Ahm.. er... well, I can say a few useful phrases in German.... I can say... oh, how many is it... nearly... ooooooh, nearly one.

Er, call it none.

Right, so you're a dimwitted early American colonial that only speaks English, and probably poorly at that. You meet some guy, fresh off the boat from Europe, and ask him where he's from. He mutters, "Ich bin Deutsch," or words to that effect. You, dimwit that you are (for the purposes of this story), think, "Hey, he's Dutch! I've heard of that!" The poor German guy probably speaks limited English, so figures you got it right and leaves it alone. By the time he figures it out that you've screwed it all up, the whole village is calling him Dutch and he just accepts it through force of habit.

This continent has a history of screwing up other people's names anyway. Indians? There are a variety of explanations for this one, but you probably know it already.

The moral of the story, KM, is that if you get enough dumb people thinking the same thing, even if it's wrong, sooner or later it will become accepted "fact". This explains, for example, Pauly Shore's brief popularity: "Oh, he's in movies, so he *must* be funny."

And I apologize for any patronizing tone you may read into this, I just wanted to knock Pauly Shore.

*glares at Spartus*

You're just lucky I was finished rewriting my "People I Don't Yet Dislike" page when you said this.

I don't very much appreciate being called a dimwitted early American colonial!

Tosser!

Okay, you're a later American colonial. Better?

A little.

Good.

Glad that's settled. Tea?