h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Very, very good... it does seem you're aiming at a male demographic, however...

The Characters are certainly beleivable at this stage, but I'd like to see more of the story.

Male demographic, huh? Hmm. Hadn't really thought about it that way... Why do you say that?

(Sorry for late reply)

hmmmm... I'm not sure, now that I take another look.

better than a fan fiction I read once where a couple was having sex and the woman repeatedly stated: "You're F*****g me! You're F*****g me!" as if the guy somehow forgot that fact.

The girl seems a little eager to be out of her clothes and be offensive... it seems to come very early and you might want to give a little while longer to develop her personality. Unless that's what this is, in which case there isn't enough to really pass a judgement on the main character until we see other sides of her PERSONALITY.

I'd like to read more, and as a trained literary critic, I'm happy to give any feedback you'd like.