Working Title
Created | Updated Aug 24, 2005
It's been a long while since I've actually attempted to do any writing, and I know exactly why. The intellectual drain of college coursework sucked all the creativity out of my head and prevented me from being able to enjoy doing my writing. However, now that I am really and truly FINALLY finished, I can return to the act that was once considered my lifeblood.
General Plot Idea: Some years in the future, vampires have grown in numbers enough to reveal their presence to the world. Some believe they exist, others do not. Many of the worst criminal organizations are headed by vampires. Working undercover among them is LAPD Lieutenant Maggie Malone, the protagonist. She is ordered by her department to work with a vampire informant to break into (some major criminal effort; haven't decided what). She is less than thrilled. Blood, sex, and butt-kicking will (of course) ensue.
So, without further ado, I present to you a portion of my current product. I've been reading a lot of supernatural thrillers lately, so obviously that's what is in my head. Comments are desired and welcomed with gratitude.
I stood behind the one-way glass, watching the man in the interrogation room. He'd been in there three times today, each session for two hours. I'd keep him in there constantly, but there were laws against that sort of treatment. Damn politicians.
Dumont was sitting there absolutely still. He wasn't even breathing, not that he needed to, being dead and all. It was eerie. Usually, prisoners fidgeted. They paced, they peered into the one-way glass to try to see who was watching them. The idea of it drove them nuts. But not the vampire. Cold as ice, that one. He didn't even blink.
Captain Walker opened the door and entered the room. The vamp blinked, and looked up at him. “Mr. Dumont, I'm so sorry about the way my officers have been treating you. I've ordered them to cease and desist all questioning of you for the rest of the day. Please accept my sincere apologies.” My hands clenched into fists.
The vamp chuckled. “Ah, I see good cop is here. Why don't you send in that little blonde number that nabbed me last night? She can be bad cop.” The vamp leered directly at me through the one-way glass. I scowled. Apparently one-way glass didn't work on his kind. It worked on Walker, though, and I grinned as I raised my hand and gave Dumont the finger. He grinned back at me. Walker glanced at the one-way glass, wondering what was going on. The parasite and the vampire continued to exchange inane pleasantries, but the vamp's eyes were on me the whole time.
I wondered if the vamp would spill the beans on the glass to the captain. Thousands of people relied on the stuff to protect them from being bespelled by any bloodsucker who happened to be walking by their home. To find out it didn't work at all would cause chaos. I hoped it was just a fluke, just Dumont who could see through. Maybe I had the lights on too high in the observation room. He was still staring. It was starting to annoy me.
I reached down and scratched my crotch, and stuck a finger up my nose. If he was going to be rude, I might as well give him a show. He hid his grin, but his eyes danced with laughter. I was beginning to seriously contemplate getting him real worked up when the Captain turned to the glass.
“Malone! Get in here. Now.”
I sulked for a moment, then grinned. What the hell. If I had to go in there, I ought to give him something to think about while we were chatting.
I lifted my shirt and bra, flashing my bare chest at the vampire. I had to do something to get under his skin.
So, here is what I want to know:
1. Characters. Believable? Annoying? What do you like? What do you hate? I know it's just a brief taste, but give me the scoop.
2. Writing style. Criticize at will.
3. Premise. If you picked up this book and opened it to a random page and read this passage, would you buy the book? Would you continue reading? What grabbed your attention, other than Maggie flashing her boobs?
