h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, I am giving you two props and a situation, and you have to act out that situation using those props.

Props:
A long bendy thing with a sort of lump in the middle
A 50ft exploding granite statue with built-in plunger

Situation:
Star Wars, the original movie (A New Hope)

As a further restriction, you cannot use the letters 'theta' or 'l'.

Good luck!

*Orcus pretends to be Obi-Wan Kenobi*

*Twirls long bendy thing with lump in the middle*

"Look master, I have purloined a double ended light-sabre such as the Evil Darth Maul possesses"

*Orcus jumps across room and starts speaking in a slightly higher pitched tone*

"And what would you do with it Young Jedi"

*Leaps back across room*

"I will twirl it like so.."

*Twirls it*

"and use it to try and impress Queen Armidala, that maybe she might sleep with me"

*Leaps across room again, once more assuming hight pitched tone*

"That way leads to the dark-side of the force Young Jedi"

*Leaps back across room*

"But Master Qong Jing - sorry, I've forgotten your true name, how else will we lift the seige of the planet?"

*Leaps once more, slightly more tiredly this time*

"Use this my young apprentice"

*Plunges plunger and ducks, avoiding the large explosion*

"Now the universe is safe from the federation"

*Walks lamely to other side of room*

"Wasn't that Blake's seven master?"

*crawls...*

"Every question simply leads to more questions Obi Wan. Anyway, why is that damn kid over there looking at me funny and kill the guy with the floppy ears, he keeps spitting at me"

*Grabs bendy thing and hits the audience with it*

The end.

Bows, expexcting rapturous applause.

And instead seeing ConMan whap him on the head for acting out the wrong movie, and all on his own.

Funny, though. Anyone want to actually put some teamwork in acting out A New Hope aka Star Wars aka the one with Luke and the Death Star and all that?

Oops, not used to seeing it called "A new hope"

Still it was good huh?

Oh, it was very ... artful. But now I have to unexplode the statue. Could you help?

Uses his

Kazoom! There you are...


Anyway....

"Commander, Empire Star Destroyer os closing in"

*Whoop whoop whoop whoop (sound of red alert siren)*

Princess Leia(sp?) "R2 come over here I have a specail mission for you...."

beep widdlede wheep....

"yes, yes Ok you can run off and find C3PO in a moment, but first take this Statue and this Long Wibbly thing with a bulge in the middle, you have to escape, find Ben...."

(P.S. have you seen the ASCII Text only adaptation of Star Wars? I'll find a link to it and post it somewhere....)...

a forgotten thread.

Stop tugging at it - you'll unravel the whole thing.....

too late here we go.......

on a planet far away
ON A PLANET FAR AWAY

There stood an Explosive Statue, and the Long Wibbly thing of God reached down and pushed its PLunger....

And, LO...

It was no more....

Darth Vader: Why didn't I think of that<?>

Imperial Guard,

You think they would learn



oh, I can speak, wonder if I get more for a talking role in this fiasco, opps, mean film

Shall we start up a new one<?>

Ah, you mean with a new set of props and a whatisit in which to act out the thing with the props? sounds like a good idea!

you go

if you think its wise Hmm, imagination is such a wonderous thing

Right, props:

A pair of sissors

a Seven foot tall model of the statue of liberty

Situeation, Explaining a medical problem to a femal doctor (is that the kind of thing?)

*props left to imagination*

[] Look, I don't know how he managed it!
[] Hmmmm......
[patient] *Is unconcious*