h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One of our favourite places, the Foxy Manor Bar, is still closed. Unusual problems demand unusual solutions:

The Rat Hole is now open for the public. We offer you anything you may want to drink (there's a self-filling refridgerator, donations of exotic liquors are always welcome ).

We have a jukebox that knows all tunes, and we have some separeés for, ahem, private conversations).

There's a fireplace, there are some couches, and if you need anything else, the management will be happy to provide anything you want.

The most important information: Our bar is fully automatic but please remember the Rat Pack's comandements, found at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A490853 .

That's all for now: Have fun!!

Here I am. Seems to be a nice place. Can I find somewhere a place to be privileged to smoke the menthol cigarettes in?

One of the unwritten rules of the Rat Pack is 'Don't follow any rules.' So please feel free to smoke your menthols, but don't get caught ... hehehe

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Oh, I like it.

I say, let's celebrate the opening with a round of

Ok, we have installed a holodeck projection device. This means that we can create any surrounding that we want.

The program for today is:
A sailing ship in the calm waters of the Caribean Sea, Saturday afternoon.

*Captain Jeremy is sitting on the deck with a tin pint of rum in his hand*

I knew I was going to like that holodeck thing!

A round of on me!

What's that to the starboard? Looks like a wreck, filled with beautiful, yet slightly dressed damsels in distress...

Blessed Lady of Deserted Islands, you are right, Pierce.

We'll have to obey the old law of the sea: Save the innocent .

Navigator: Set course to that wreck!

*An absolutely inappropriate musicbox appears next to the helm and plays Lionel Ritchie's "Easy"*

I only hope that you have no bias against the ladies on the ship.

If you find somebody male on the ship, pick up the most handsome one and keep him for me. I'll be busy these days.

Oh, and my character - I'd like to be a Mermaid. -addicted this time.

Who isn't addicted to ? Why don't we open a few while the hands help those poor ladies. I'll just go tell the cook to make them and us a nice lunch.

Alright then.

Mr. Pierce, please prepare a broadside of champaign bottles for me. And for you. And for Hatifnat.

Feel free to fire when you're ready.

*flags her tail and sings a sad song to allure all the sailors around the closest 42 miles, sips and sings on:*
The cup is raised, the toast is made yet again
One voice is clear above the din
Proud Aryan one word, my will to sustain
For me, the cloth once more to spin

Ohh, all of my love, all of my love
Oh, all of my love for you now
All of my love, all of my love
Yes, all of my love to you, child

Hm, no need to turn on the fog horn then

Okay, a broadside of coming up. Fire!

Er, did I hit y'all with those corks? You've been awfully quiet ever since?

We're not quiet, we're just plain drunk ...

*burrrrrp*

I just lost my songbook...
Do you think Zeppelin is suitable for a mermaid?
Do you have some over there or did you use it all in the "battle", Pierce?

IMHO Zeppelin is absolutely appropriate for any occasion, Hatifnat.

And, just in case you forgot it, our Holodeck device can provide any drink you'd like to taste.

Do you have a proposal for this week's holodeck program?

Wait! I haven't had the chance to make a proposal to the beautiful young 's yet!

Of course you can have some of my , Hati. What Zeppelin-song did you have in mind by the way?

Would you perhaps show me the Stairways to Heaven? (In that case you are free to change the holo's, Jeremy



PS: [This is real world-talk: I'm only in for about an hour (almost) every afternoon for the next three weeks, so I won't be able to communicate very much. Sorry!]

I'm so sorry. OTOH I have a busy time, too. But I hope to meet you here or there anyway.
I meant "All Of My Love". But "Stairway" is the best, of course.