h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Two guys walked into a bar...
The third guy ducked.


Two Dukes and a Count were fed up with the King raising taxes and demanding higher grain production. They decided the only way to change things was a coup d'etat. One night the Count and one of the Dukes slipped into the King's bedchamber. The Duke took a position by the door in case anybody tried to interfere. The Count crept up to the sleeping King and raised his sword. As he was about to strike the King awoke and jumped out of bed. The Count began chasing the King around the room trying to slash him. The Duke had his hands full trying to fend off the palace guards alerted by the King's shouting. In the end the guards killed the Duke and the Count was captured.

The King, knowing full well there had to be someone else involved, asked the Count, "Who is your accomplice?"
The Count stood, raised his chin and stated, "I'll never tell!"

The King had the Count sent to the dungeon. After a full day of torture the King asked him, "Who is your accomplice?"
The Count gritted his teeth and gasped, "I'll never tell!"
"I'll have you executed if you don't tell me!" replied the King.
"I'll...never... tell!" said the Count between the jailor's blows.

The next morning the chopping block was prepared and the King came to the dungeon a final time. "Who is your accomplice?"
"I'll never tell." said the Count.

They dragged the Count out and tied him down to the block. A crowd had gathered and began cheering. The King stepped up as the executioner prepared to swing his axe. "WHO WAS YOUR ACCOMPLICE!"
The Count replied, "I shall die proudly, knowing I never gave away my accomplice."
The King nodded and the executioner began a mighty swing.
The Count screamed "WAIT! I'LL TELL, I'LL..." but it was too late.

The moral of this story?

Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.