h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm, yes I see what you mean.

Must confess that being unfamiliar with most British places names (but quite aware that Britain has some really odd ones) I can't tell if you're making these up or not. But I sure do recognise the frustration and futility of 'public address systems' at transportion
termini.

*one man's tannoy is another man's PA*

Humiliation in public places for reasons of appearance or behaviour has long since stopped being an issue for me (the one mixed blessing of getting older is y'stop caring what others think), but I keenly remember situations like your predicament.

peace
~jwf~

One of the worst tannoy announcements on British Rail I have ever heard is at Norbury staion announcing that "The next train on Platform 3 will not be stopping here".

That is if you can here it above the noise of the speeding train.

Almost beating it is the computerised man saying that he apologises for the delay/cancellation of your train. This must win an award for being the least sincere apology ever.