British Rail Tannoy Announcements
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
The recorded voice that announces trains for most train companies in Britain sounds like he is the voice-over for those 1950's public service films about what to do in the event of incoming nuclear warheads (i.e. Duck and Cover). He also seems to have trouble pronouncing his "r's":
e.g. "The twain now appwoaching Platform Thwee is the Southwest Twains service to Wichmond. Calling at..."
There is a sharp contrast in the frequncy of announcements. Sometimes, the train is not announced at all, and you have to jump on and pray that it will stop at Earlsfield instead of going straight through to Clapham Junction. At other times, the announcement is made so many times before the train actually arrives, that you can stand there and announce the stations along with it at the same pace and pronounciation:
"...Raynes Park, Motspur Park, Worcestor Park, Stoneleigh, Ewell West, and Epsom"
Of course, sometimes the announcement is a bit garbled, or a train rushes through on another platform, and you completely miss the destination of the train. Of course, the board isn't working, so you have to frantically run around the platform trying to find an employee to ask if this train is really stopping at Crystal Palace. The man will then ponder the destination of the train for an excruciating amount of seconds, then say "yeah, luv, it's this one". This leaves you with about one second to heroically leap over the gap and through the closing doors, regain your dignity/mobile phone/umbrella, and look at the rest of the carriage half-smugly, half-embarrassed, while they snicker at you.
This is of course the worst possible time to find out that the train is actually going to Dorking, via Epsom.
