h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey there! Welcome to the Labs!
Njan's in charge here, second to me and the C.ompuT.er, so do behave.
Feel free to get started on your inventions and creations right away!

I'll be around...

Right. Donuts are over there, there's a coffee machine in that corner... we have a docking bay in the side of the station there which goes into one of the smaller general bays of my GSV, in case anyone feels the need for any experiments on a larger scale.. and I've ordered some sofas, but they don't seem to have appeared yet. T think the Multi-Dimensional Anti-Dislocator has malfunctioned again. *shouting over colossal racket from MDAD*... Krans!!... Did you rewire the plug again! I've told you not to do that! You always get it wrong!

Hey there Njan! Welcome back...
BTW, we won't need the GSV because the Quatinary Labs can be used for ever larger experiments - I can instantly regulate the amount of space in the warp so we can have more lab space...

*grabs a ...*

*shakes head*

T's something you're going to have to concede, I'm afraid.. the GSV in question (The Incorrect Catachresis) was borrowed from Subsection Z3 of the culture's militant Ship-group during a conflict which I won't go into, and (due to a malfunction in the weapons systems of an affronter vessel) was thrown backwards in terms of cyclic universes. The universe we're in now will contract to a point, destroying all life which exists (This is in about 11 billion billion years time) and expand again.. during this expansion, the culture emerges. (There's also the question of hyperbolic dimensions, but I won't go into that). They managed to find a rather ingenious way of living through universal compressions, and 4 cycles later, this ship was the peak of technology. Even Krans and I don't know everything it does, but anyway, it has a colossolly great research capability.

All the same, the point of this page is to do research on the 'station...
They can trust me and my technology...but isn't it a bit hazardous if you don't know what's on the GSV?

*nods*

Yes, but technically, the GSV's part of the station: it is connected, after all.

Well, actually, we've mapped most of what's on the GSV. It's mainly the auxilliary systems that we don't know about: A GSV's meant to have a population of about 25 million people, and so there are millions of items on the ship which have no function other than to serve to comfort the people. We know what pretty much all of the scientific aspects of the ship do. And since the ship has a mind (it is a being, technically) which is nice and considerate, we're told if we're about to do anything dangerous.

Ah, well that's alright then...
Still, I think we can use your GSV for overflow from the Quatinary Labs - the SEcondary and Teriary Labs overflow into there, so if there's too much going on in the Quatinary District, we can use the GSV then...

Anyway, God, it's cold in here! Turn on the heating Computer, do. Sheesh, it hasn't turned on much of the systems since reopening. I'd better go and sort it out myself...I'll be back in a bit...

*he walks out, heading for the SecLabs Environmental Controls room...*

fair enough. *notifies the GSV of this*

[Attention. Would all Space Station visitors from h2g2 and the Community please take note of this announcement.]

[The Professor and I, the Computer, have discussed matters of great concern.]
[For one thing, this district of the Dimensional Scale is in imminent danger of collapsing, and the Professor requires space to try and solve this problem.]
[For another, there have been virtually no visitors to this vessel recently, and it's being open to the general public poses a security risk. The figures suggest the closing of the Space Station to all visitors from the h2g2 Community.]
[Therefore, as of Wednesday the 29th of November 22:00 GMT, the Space Station Big C will be closed to the public. All docking vessels are to be released, all staff and vistors are to leave, and all posessions taken away with them, before this date.]
[An enquiry datafrequency will be opened up on a seperate page, where the Professor will take residence. It will replace the public Space Station with one as merely an entity referred to in conversation.]
[All threads from previous pages will be wiped, all data will be wiped, and the Space Station Big C will be unaccessable to the public. All defenses will be engaged, and the Space Station will return to its primary state as a research vessel for the Professor alone, and residential holdings for non-h2g2 residence. All links between research establishments and this vessel are to be terminated. All Big C Staff of h2g2 origin will be obliged to leave, and anyone remaining will be dealt with as a trespasser on private San Beta property.]
[This ruling is held under Law by the Multi-Galactic Government of San Beta, and its GalaGroup Overseer, and is invariable.]

[Thankyou. Please vacate this vessel before the date and time mentioned above, or strict measures will be taken.]