h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The busy seraph shows some of the Archangels into the room, saying:
"Well, it's the time of year you see, we're very busy, and most people book well in advance. Last week, even, I could have let you have the Ballroom, but that's booked now, and the big Function Room is reserved for the Millenial Solipsism Competition ... but this room is quite nice ..."

*The Archangels confer ... Kes speaks for them:

We'll take it - if you can get a few cherubs rounded up to put up some decorations ... yes?

OK - Bruce, Dan ... see if you can find a tree from somewhere, and GB - costumes! We need Christmassy costumes! Nothing corny, please!

*This will be the place, folks! Show up here for the next Sainting ceremony ... with a seasonal flavour!*

*arrives with arms full of costumes...tinsel dangling off her halo...baubles hanging on her ears...{you get the picture}*

*Pops head in*
*Armed with several spray-cans of "Insta-Snow - The snow that lasts and lasts" Silly Willy proceeds to give the room a white dusting*
Corny? What's that
- Wondering who the new Arch will be!

*Dan in his elf costume, drags in a brand new *

This should certainly brighten up the place.

Oh, and I know who the next Arch will be...and I'm not telling.

Umm, I don't think you've got it the right way up

Hmm, a festive costume which isn't y. Can I come as a ?

BED, my old friend , you wouldn't like to "share" the knowledge would you?

- The sillyest Willy I know!

Seal those lips, Dan, that's St.Nicholas's biggest surprise! Oh, I'm ~really~ looking forward to the ceremony! Six new Saints to be appointed, and a new Archangel too!
*looks for the red cushion*
*polishes the heart upon it*
~breaths on it~
*polishes it again*
~replaces it...
There!
Now then, what else needs doing?
You need some help decorating that, Dan?

I'm almost certain you've got it the wrong wat round.
*frowns*
Or maybe I've got the plans the wrong way round...
- Have you reviewed a Peer today? http://www.h2g2.com/PeerReview

Me?
I've been giving out the link to Peer Review in all my greetings!
~And~ reading entries myself! I read a good one on Michael Jackson this morning! And another just now on "How to write out a blank cheque"

The one on Car-bumper stickers is amusing!

The essentials are all in place .....

A well-stocked bar awaits, with many bottles of champagne on ice, plus all the drinks beloved of angels ...

A trestle table, creaking slightly at the joints, supports an ample supply of party food to suit all tastes ...

A large Christmas tree, fully decorated, sits in the bay window.

At the front of the room stands a small dais.

Dressed in black silk trousers, white silk poet shirt, black trench coat... freshly polished halo with a snippet of mistletoe hanging from it, and wings dyed to resemble green and red holly for the occasion, Zax inspects the room. (The flashing red nose that Kes suggested remains unseen in Zax's pocket). She nods, pauses, then flutters her wings. Snow begins to fall outside, gathering in the corners of the window panes. She smiles and takes a seat.

*Dan and Bruce, dressed as elves, wheel a barrow of wrapped parcels up to the tree, and start placing the presents beneath its branches.

FC has supplemented her Archangel garb with tinsel and glitter, and carries a sparkling wand ... representing the Christmas Fairy. She looks at the tree, and is relieved to note that it already has a decorative fairy on top. She waves her wand ... the lights on the tree come on.

Grumbling noises are heard from the next room ...*

Do I have to wear this? I mean, isn't there something a bit more ... or a bit less ... I mean, it's not even my size ...

Tweetie and Galaxy Babe leave Kes in that room, they emerge shaking their heads
Tweetie: Just get on with it! Get into the spirit! Someone has to wear it - We're going to get into our costumes now!

Do we need an angel on top of that tree, or would it be considered redundant up here?

Is anyone gonna tell me who the new archangel is?

All in good time, Will!
Or maybe you'd like to nip next door and help K...er,into his costume??

Yes.

Certainly, always willing to help!

Oh, I hopedoesn't pass out at the sight of our costumes, Tweetie!

*Kes enters, "wearing" the bottom half of a Santa suit - many sizes too large.*

Thank you, Willy, I get the picture Look! It keeps falling down!

*Tweetie and GB return, raising eyebrows at Kes's remark. They are dressed as Santa's Helpers, their costumes consisting of red Xmas hats and red bikinis trimmed with white cotton wool.

Kes looks up ... speechless. His halo makes a noise like a defective fluorescent light tube. It crackles, flickers and expires in a cloud of blue smoke.*

Whaa... whooo! Nice costumes ladies! Er, could you get me a replacement halo ... mine seems to have stopped working .. get me one with a heavy duty fuse this time, please!

...and my costume is too big! Look at all this space in the trousers!

- Tweetie & GB, you look Heavenly

*GB grabss trouser waist and looks down inside.
She looks up ata fainttinging her cheeks.
Tweetie, pass me one of those large cushions off that sofa, will you?
Zax titters, Fashion Cat giggles, Bruce raises one eyebrow, Roger Moore-style.
Tweetie passes GB the cushion and GB shoves it downs trousers.
There!!
Now, they'll fit!