h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What are you doing in my gown, GB .. Oh! right - I see - or rather I don't. Yes ... Erm... who typed this list? Can't read it. Who's next GB?

whispers: Pink Dandelion...
cranes his head "Eh?"
Pink Dandelion!
I'll just go get her!
*totters across to Pink Dandelion, who, although nervous, is already half-way towards the podium.
GB takes Pink Dandelion's arm and helps her kneel in front of
*steps back quickly*

The next candidate is The Pink Dandelion ( or Taraxacum non-officinale, to give the latin name ...). I'm just getting the hang of this sword thing now ... So you're about to become an angel ...

*Kes throws the sword into the air. It performs one full circle, and returns neatly to his hand.*

See - told you I'd got it figured out.

*From a newly cut slit in the front of his Santa jacket, feathers from the pillow fall onto the stage. That was a close shave!*

*He raises the sword above Pink's head, and wiggles it cautiously. A pink petal halo and matching wings appear on Pink. A vine twines gracefully around the halo.*

From henceforth, you are The Pink Dandelion - Patron Saint of Artistically Arranged Foliage. Congratulations!

GB smiles and escorts Pink Dandelion back to her seat.
She looks over at Ottox...
*totters over on high heels*
Reaching Ottox, he holds out his hand, which GB takes.
Leading Ottox towards the podium,doesn't notice what GB does behind Ottox's back.
Ottox: Ooh! What was that? A Christmas goose?

*Ottox reaches the stage ...*

Now, my fine friend Ottox ... your turn - thank you for waiting patiently. Do you happen to have a pastry on you? Great! May I? Thank you.

*Kes takes the danish pastry, throws it into the air and circles the sword above his head, slicing the pastry in two. He catches and eats the bottom half, while the top half stops just over Ottox's head, turning into a high-calorie golden-brown halo. Matching colour wings grow fro his shoulders*

Welcome Ottox - Patron Saint of Danish Pastries!

*Ottox smiles, and steps back*

::applauds loudly::

WOW!!! Some of my favorite people are being sainted!!! And by some of my VERY favorite people!!!

::is quiet and watches::

*Goes and stands by Draginfly*
Hello, good this isn't it! Do you know who's going to be Arched?

GB steps forward and takes Ottox's hand.
Leading him back to his seat, GB winks at him
GB moves over to Patrick, who is looking very dazed and confused.
GB sighs.
There, there, Patrick!
No need to worry!
Your turn now!
will take very good care of you, and don't forget, if tere's the slightest drop of blood spilt, there'ss and prettys just outside!

hmm, I meant Dragonfly

While I've got the sword working nicely, I'll just change the running order slightly - hope nobody minds ... can we "do" Patrick next, please?

*An elderly gentleman in a green robe stands ...*

No, no - not you St Patrick .. you can sit down and enjoy the show ... this will be another Patrick ... step forward, dazed, bemused and confused, or not ... your moment of glory is here ...

*Patrick approaches; Kes moves the sword smoothly, tapping Patrick on both shoulders, while muttering "finally got the hang of it". A slightly elliptical halo appears, rotating in a wobbly orbit above Patrick's head. Wings, looking a little disorganised and in need of a good preen, emerge between his shoulders*


You have joined the band of angels, I name you St Patrick, Patron Saint of Depression. Cheer up! It's great to be a GA... and in case you're still dazed ... you're in Heaven! Take a seat for a few minutes - thanks!.

GB escorts Patrick back to his seat, poor Patrick is still quivering!
GB looks around for Reya Dawnbringer.
Oh, this will be a pleasure!
GB takes hold of Reya's hand, and leads her to the stage in front of

Coming to the last of the new Saints in our ceremony today, we are accepting someone nominated by one of our ... er.. well ... someone we come into contact with from time to time ... I suppose you could say that. DEATH has asked if we will take Reya Dawnbringer into our ranks. Reya? Would you come forward, please?

While we wait, I'll just say that Thanatos asked if we would use his, ... er ... symbol in place of the sword. Er, I think that will be alright, so ..

*He hands the sword to Galaxy Babe, and picks up the scythe which was leaning against the dais. Reya stands in front of him, wearing a night-black robe*

Reya ... may you become the bringer of renewal, our reminder that light always follows after darkness ...
*Kes touches Reya's shoulder with the scythe. The robe turns to a pale blue; a softly shining halo and wings appear.*

Welcome ... Reya Dawnbringer - Patron Saint of New Days!

The final item of business today ... As you know, there was recently a poll in which the GAs voted for who is to become the next Archangel. There were several good candidates, and it was a close contest. I'm now able to announce the outcome ...

*GB hands gold envelope.Kes opens it*

..and the winner is ... St Silly Willy.

*Applause*

I've very much enjoyed my first "Sainting" ... but my arm is getting a little tired, and I'd hate to take Willy's head off, so I'd like to hand over to Galaxy Babe to inaugurate the new Archangel ... Over to you GB ...

*Kes steps down ...*

Congratulations, Silly Willy!

*St. Silly Willy looks nervous*
I'll just help Reya Dawnbringer back down, there's osme drink over there...

WOO HOO!!!!

Galaxy Babe hugs Titania...
Thank you, it was so close...only one vote in it in the end...
Will, please step forward.
GB steps up to the seat whichjust left.
As Will stands in front of her, GB raises the golden sword aloft.
Touching Will's shoulder gently, then the other, GB smiles.
Stepping forward, she bends down to pick up the red heart which Titania is holding out towards her on a red cushion, and hands it to Will.
Take good care of it, Archangel Silly Willy!
Oh, and don't forget your new towel!

*applauds*
Archangel Will!
I'll have a PGGB please,!!

*Silly Willy starts blinking quickly, he appears to be having an emotional religious experience*
Ho Hum!!
Thank you, I'll make sure I'm a good Archangel!
Can we have a party now!
Archangel !

*Kes returns with a tray of drinks*

The bar's open everyone .. p[lease go over and greet the new angels ..

*He hands drinks to those present ... including Dragonfly ... makes a point of offering Titania a drink*
Titania - in appreciation of all your help as Herald - a very Happy Christmas

*Then he wanders back towards the bar, removing the false beard ...*