Over the Yard-arm
Created | Updated Sep 15, 2010
In response to last week's 'Talking Point: Drinks!', Mazin'MadFiddler had a few thoughts which he submitted to the Post.
Open the Port, Hudson and let's have a look at this Editor's conundrum!
Do you drink 'responsibly'?
Of course. I always drink out of a glass in a pub, and return it to the bar, rather than rely on the Barmaid have to collect it... Social etiquette.
If I drink at home, I always recycle the container, as is my social duty!!!
How much do you drink?
I only go out for one . However, I may need to drink five or six to reach the one I went out for.
Thankfully, this year I made a New Year's resolution... The first in twenty years...
I'm not going to drink any more!
That's it!
I'm not going to drink any less!!!
Do you drink too much?
Interestingly, my Doctor once said I drank to excess! I told him I'd drink to anything! So yes, I'd drink to Much, and wish him the best of health!
My Doctor even asked me 'How much do you drink a day?'
I said 'Five pints'.
He tutttted and said 'That is 15 units! Way over your maximum allowance!'
Just as well I didn't tell him what I drank in the evening!!!
Do you care?
Of course! Have you seen how many Licensees are going out of business? All those children going to school without shoes? The drays with worn-out tires? The barrels lying empty and unloved? The glasses unfilled? The locals clutching some dodgy can of chemical at 8% abs? The wine industry having to pollute the atmosphere by producing alcohol to fuel vehicles due to no oil?
Do I care? DO I CARE?
Why I else do I work for beer tokens!
Derrrhhhh!
What a no-brainer!
Do you think we drink too much as a nation?
I can't comment as a Nation, as I've never been a member of that family, and I will, thank you! Best ask Terry, after all, he did work for Auntie Beeb, so he'd know. What? A refill? Oh! Alright. This is an interview for H2G2, and you don't get freebies these days! What ever happened to the team attending Meets? Now there is one crowd who drink differently! They curl their little pinky up, just so, and strike all sorts of poses! I said poses! Not Posies!!!
Are we more 'Northern European' in our drinking habits?
We are 'European' and 'Scandinavian by descent, and that's very decent of you, I'll have another Gin and Tonic. All I can say is that Grog, Rum and Gin and Tonic is the backbone of the Empire, so we were probably copied by the European Embassies and land owners of Europe as a form of keeping up with the Jones and it escalated. The Jones were good, then the Juans got better, then the Joses, Jeans, Johanns etc. We were just better at it! More choice! Sack, Madeira, Port, Sherry, Rum, Whisky. I love the Empire... Another? Don't mind if I do... Maybe a dirty Martini this time?
Have our drinking habits changed over the years?
Well, the Advocaat hasn't been touched since Great Aunt Phoebe died just before the millennium, and the Bezique and Taboo, bought for Uncle Herbert's 50th still remain unopened... As for the Cherry Bs, Snowballs, Babychams, Perrys, Ponys, Creme de Menthe, Blue Curacao, party fours and party sevens bought for Uncle Percy's and Auntie Hilda's Golden Wedding are still sitting in my cellar. I bring them out every Christmas but no-one is interested!
Do we drink differently now than when we did in the 1970s?
Half the breweries have gone, there's no Whitbread Tankard, Double Diamond, Skol, Harp, Kestrel, Hofmeister, Fremlins Tusker, Carling black label, Wm. Younger's Tartan, Stone's Bitter, as well as the 'girl's drinks' above, so yes, it has changed, drastically!
Are folk drinking more at home these days due to cheaper supermarket booze?
Oh! Another? This really is becoming a little more than hospitality! Maybe a large 10-year old Tawny Port would loosen the vocal chords? Now, what was the question? Oh yes! Well, I always found a good bottle of Cava before the meal got my guests' verbal juices going, followed by a Sauvignon Blanc and a good red, like a Claret at the supper table, would keep my guests happy. Do we drink more? Probably, but we have more choice! And it is better quality. Who wants Liebfraumilch, Bull's Blood, Thunderbird or Concord as their tipple?
Is this a bad thing?
No way! Oh! An Oban ten-year old Malt? Well, if you don't mind! No, no water or ice. As it comes, and two fingers! I like it like my men! Straight! *hic* I meant uptight! You know hat I meansch. Schtopp playing he fool! Now were wasch I? Thasch right. Ish it a good finking? Jus fill it up to the top! *hic* Well? I... Are you shingle? Nn why aren't you drinking? Wanna share the cab home? Oh! Your boyfriend is waiting owshide? Shorry... Didn't mean to dwibble...
Now wash ah de nesht kwechun?
Is pub culture dying off?
Yer! Doze Geezers wiv arrers wat appeared on da box when I got 'ome wiv de chips. Gone!
Blimey! All pubs 'ad arrers! Solo? Nap? Poker? Dominers? Crib? All gune! Machines 'n' Pool now! 'n' tv? And that infernal rape 'n' Grage stuff... Wot ish it? Owse 'n' grunge?
'scuse me!
What are the best and worst things about drinking?
Sorry 'bout that, 'ad to make room! 'Esh, a dubble 'ishky ould be good! Vere's nuffin' wrong wiv drunkin'. Arsh twoleshh.. 'ell tell um... Ya jus arsh furr a drin... coffs up da spondulicks... 'n' liff i ta ya lipshhh. 'n' enjoy... Now wassss nesht? I fink I need za blushions... I'm feelin a liittttttle bit.....................
Hello, Ambulance service please!
Now, can I go and put on John Barleycorn as tribute?
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