h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*is scared of Fish in his Ministerial role so obediently crawls under a sofa and goes to sleep*

That sign directly contravenes of the European Convention of Human, fairy and insect rights.

WAKE UP TINKERBELL OR I'LL PUT A WHOOPEE CUSHION ON THE COUCH AND JUMP UP AND DOWN!

*is equally scared of Wumbeevil in his shouting role and so crawls out from under the sofa and sits quietly on an armchair in the corner*

* scowls at Wumbeevil and Fish, then teleports himself to his own Ministry where he makes the laws - well, most of them anyway "

*considers following MaW to his ministry as she might be less likely to get shouted at there*

*wonders how she can get out of the room without being complained at*

*throws jelly distraction into a corner, leaps down from her seat and runs very quickly out the door*

* Tinkerbell runs straight into a temporary portal to the Ministry of Wisdom, Linux & Toothbrushes. She emerges in the entrance hall, which is bustling with incredibly cute penguins. *

*Tinkerbells escape plan was successful and cries of joy can be heard as she turns the corner to find a HUGE TV wall showing continuous Pingu episodes*

Yes, anything's possible at the Ministry of Wisdom, Linux & Toothbrushes. Probability's a bit mallable here.

* the sky changes colour - from a stripey kind of red-and-pink to a more soothing rich crimson *

But it makes life really quite interesting.

Wow!I'm under a blood red sky and I've turned into The Edge. Let's just see how malleable this reality is...

*takes off hat to reveal a full head of hair....whistles in awe*

Oh no, I think I'm turning into Anne Robinson.....

Now Penguin, why do you want to get rid of penguin?

*looks around for something to whine about*

Tonight on Watchdog we reveal how a man driving a Focus from London to Inverness found that he'd no petrol by the time he got to Birmingham. We question a Ford spokesman about where the missing fuel is going, and whether they will recall all cars with this design fault.

Watch out Wumbeevil! The penguins don't like Anne Robinson very much...

* a mass of penguins heads in this direction *

*Borrows Peregrins wand and turns Wumbeevil into penguin... *

Peregrins wand? I hope you got the permission of our beloved Fuhrer before taking that, or it's the Russian Front for you miladdo.

*a smile crosses Wumbeevil's beak*

Heyhey, my lovelife's about to improve!

*waddles off in search of chicks, muttering "is this a choccy biccy in my pocket or am I just pleased to see you"*

*yawns and looks confused*
What?
*continues being jealous whilst looking through the photos of the meet-up and eyes Fish suspiciously*
Why aren't there any of you? I've seen half your ear which EV showed me but that's about it...
Are you actually, really a Fish then?
*starts writing a letter of protest to get a meet-up held in Oxford in January so she can go*

*waddles around rather like a dead penguin doesn't*

You're jealous of not being turned into a penguin? Are you missing our penguilympics in the Falklands? My brother won the Hop, Skip and Boom you know.

Maybe fish is a wall TB, they have ears. Eureka! Fish is that horrible fish covered wallpaper that was only ever found in the toilets of friends with demented parents. *slaps head with flipper* Sometimes I'm so brilliant, I wonder why Im not on What's my Line. Err sorry fish, I know you get nervous when people mention lines, a bit like ex-members of the Eastenders cast. Err sorry fish, I know ....

OK so who's gonna defend their parents first?

*grins*
I suspect you'll need defending first
*stays quiet and waits for the riots to begin*

Of course I'm a Fish!.... look I have gills and everything

Don't say that he'll try and eat you... Actually do you eat fish?
*looks intrigued*

Well.... it's a fish eat fish world out there...

Besides! What fish wallpaper!???? Mine's just green......

Err, did I say something wrong?

Sorry Fish, sometimes I just say the first thing that comes into my beak like....

"It's only green because you painted over the fish"

*ruddles, which is the closest a penguin can get to running*

Since when did you be a penguin?