h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A big pile of deckchairs totter above Technoyokel as she scans the skyline anxiously for competitors*

Come along and put up and take down 10 deckchairs! Can YOU do it stylishly?

::Stretches out::

*Does some light stretches*

I'll represent the USA, states of Louisiana, Indiana, Florida, Hawaii, Texas, Illinois, Ohio, California, Massachusettes, and Maine. I'll have CLI as my sponsor. BTW, when's the "Getting Lost In The Woods" competition?

::shrugs::

Whenever you want- just start a new forum with the title of your sport.

Cor two competitors already!

::checks her rubber-bands for flexibility, her paperclips for realiability, and ensure for the fifteenth time today that her stapler is ready to go and not due for another jam::

::sighs happily and waits for the games to start::

::notices the deckchairs...::

::gulp::

hee hee hee... I thought this was DESKchair gymnastics... and I was going to be an overachiever and take care of the desks, too... ooops...

*Is building a very complicated looking machine*

When the competition starts, all I have to do is push the red button, and it'll give me the super-human abilities needed to finish this competition and win the gold!

*The machine collapses*

Oh, darn.

You can start when you like- it's not a race event so the scores can be collated and the winner announced later.

Remember there are marks for style, weird positions and not injuring yourself or the deckchairs TOO much.

*Hands Afgncaap and Dragonfly 10 deckchairs each.*

WOOOHOO!!!!

::does a jazz dance before taking down chair number one, lifting her arms, stretching out her body, fingers spread, petroleum jelly on her teeth::

::A prop suddenly appears and she has a little cane to contine her dance around the chair::

::she folds it three minutes later::

::with pizzaz::

::Stands on top of the second deckchair and sings The BEATLES' song, "Love Me Do", acapella::

::folds up the chair::

::sits on the next chair and plays Teleman's "Concert in F" on the oboe, WITHOUT having to take any spit out of her reed::

::folds that chair::

::gets a quick drink of water::

::dances like a ballerina, on pointe, around chair number four::

::does a big, graceful ballerina leap over the chair while grabbing it with one hand, and, using the ground, folds the chair just before she lands on the ground::

::bows to her audience and smiles::

::approaches chair number five and cautiously approaches it, ready to tackle it::

::wrestles the fifth chair to the ground::

::a boxing bell is heard, and so begins round two::

*Affy, meanwhile, has somehow taken apart the first three deckchairs, and put them back together again as a fifty-foot tall war-robot. The robot begins to juggle rubber chickens while riding a unicycle made entirely out of Bob Evans breakfast sausage, and singing "Follow The Yellow Brick Road" backwards in E Minor*

HRMph!!!

::laughs and is slightly distracted by the singing robot, and feels a slight craving for Bob Evans breakfast saugage::

::grinds her teeth and begins to play "Blowing in the Wind" on acoustic guitar and sings it::

::this calms her down and she overcomes her brief battle with hunger::

:: Dragonfly folds up chair number six::

Commentary;

There's some amazing scenes here at the deckchair gymnastics- oboes, robots and breakfast sausage- wow we've never seen such a spectacular display. The judges will have a difficult time with this one.

::chair number seven quickly becomes covered with candles and incense::

::Dragonfly sits in the lotus position, facing the deckchair::

::she meditates and repeats a mantra that makes her forget her hunger alltogether::

::she gives praise to Buddah as she closes the deckchair, and puts out the candles and incense in the same motion::

::she is at peace, and approaches the eighth chair::

::sings Bob Marley and does the rumba around the eighth chair::

::the crowd's loving it!!!!::

::approaches the ninth chair and declares that she is closing it in honor of the nine original muses::

::chants their praises in Greek::

::closely the chair with great gratitude::

*Affy takes deckchairs four through seven, and converts them into a giant musical instrument. He blows into this once, and the sounds of an earthquake, fire, rain, wind, thunder, and oboes blend together in a fantastic display of sound, adding to the maelstrom caused by the eigth deck chair which was converted into a fireworks display so amazing, that people feel as if they could reach out and touch it*

::Dragonfly's tenth chair falls over in amasement, closing itself::

*Affy takes the ninth and tenth chairs. He sets one up like normal, then puts the second on top of it. He climbs onto the second chair and, with the aid of a few well chosen Izyuk spells, he removes the first chair while keeping the chair he is standing on floating in midair. He puts the first chair on his chair, climbs onto this one, and keeps repeating the process until he is over fifty stories in the air. Then, Affy quickly pulls both chairs out from under him and begins falling to the ground. As the crowd gasps, Affy quickly works on converting the two deckchairs into something. He keeps nearing the ground as he tumbles through the air, but he's almost done. Suddenly, he looses his grip on the socket wrench. The crowd gasps, but Affy is not deterred: he uses his teeth in place of the wrench. Then, when he's just four feet from the ground, he managed to turn the two chairs into a jet-propelled hang glider, which swoops up into the air, and soars higher and higher. While in the sky, Affy uses the jets to spell the phrase "Thanks for coming, ladies and gents!", to thank the crowd which is clapping and yelling happily. Affy then executes a wonderous landing on a target he painted on the ground, turns off the jet-engine, waves to the crowd, bows, and manages to make it back to the benches before collapsing from exhaustion*

::applauds::

::all her chairs rise up at the sound of her applause::