h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Quite the funniest thing I have read this year.
And I thought the warning on my dodgy cough medecine "Not for use by children or those wishing to have children" was a bit scary

G'day Duncan. I look forward to reading the yarn about dodgy medicine bottle labels

Loony

Ah, God bless America, and the litigious nature of Americans... for that's the only reason you see all those warnings on anything you buy here, like the Christmas lights I bought in December. They are small plastic frames about 5" x 3" which hold a 15W bulb, and over which you stretch a plastic cover, so that it looks like you have a string of brown paper bags, like the ones you get your fruit and veg in from the market, each with a light inside. Very pretty.
"For indoor and outdoor use only" it says on the instructions . And then there's the notice on the braces which stiffen the back side of the stepladders we have at work - "Do not climb up this side".
Well, the fact is that manufacturers need to put obvious messages like this on their products to protect themselves from people stupid enough to try those things, arrogant enough to refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, and greedy enough to sue the compant up the wazoo, like the woman who sued MacDonalds when she spilled a cup of coffee which she was holding between her legs whilst driving, receiving burns. I guess her case was that the coffee cup didn't carry the warnings "Liquid will be hot" (which it does now), or "Do not open whilst driving".

Sounds a bit like the opiatic-allergic NZ woman who is claiming compensation after she insisted a dentist use a pain-killer even though she knew she was allergic to it. She nearly died.

Did he know she was allergic to it? He could have refused if he knew that. Why is it that we sometimes allow people to persuade us to do the dumbest things? Someone took a phone call at work from a very annoyed father who said that he'd just found out that his son, who's a minor, has been selling us cd's. The thing is, we're not supposed to buy from anyone who doesn't have a driving licence (or some form of photo ID), and is under 18. He suspects that his son has been buying marijuana or booze with the money. He also says that one of the people who works here told his son to "Just make up the details" when it turned out that he didn't have an ID. We are very definately not supposed to do that, and if the owner finds out who did it, I don't think they'll be working here too much longer. Because we buy and sell cd's - a very desirable and easily stealable object, we constantly get people bringing in stuff that's been knocked off, either from another shop, or from someone's collection, and that's why we have to get, and keep a log of their ID details, which gets sent to the cops a couple of times a month. At least once a day I get someone standing in front of me saying "Oh, I haven't got my licence with me right now, but I can write down the details for you". Nope, I have to see it, if you can't (or won't) show it to me, take your cd's to another store buddy, no matter how good they are and how much we could make off them. That way, I know that I've covered my backside, and that when the owner or the police go through the logs, they'll see that all the entries with my initials on them are complete, and are in my handwriting, not that of the seller. Honesty and thoroughness always pays in the long run.

Agreed

The dentist wasn't aware the woman was allergic. She is saying he should have spotted the warning on the medic-alert bracelet she was wearing.

How many dentists read their patients bracelets?

Nuff said.

If the lack of plurals was the only error you have found a unique Japanese product - usually the instructions with Japanese goods (hi fi, TVs, videos etc) are complete gibberish! They should be commended and the translator praised!

How about a thought for the two oak trees that were cut down to provide the paper the intensive instructions were written on

All you can do now is save the next two - recycle the instructions now that they are superfluous (if they were not that in the first place)?

...and don't forget the old chinese firework instructions, eh?

like the one that said "Donot hold in head" or "Don't hold in the hound".

"light fuse and seep bark"

I also have a Vernon Reid CD with lyrics spoken by an Indian Hindu fellow, who is reading some camera instructions but has replaced all the words 'camera' with 'karma'.

"Install this karma securely. Serious damage may occur is the karma falls. Do not cover slots and openings of the karma, for they are provided as ventilation, and protection against overheating. Do not disassemble karma, but take it to a qualified serviceman when some service or repairwork is required. Never place karma near radiator, or in a place where proper ventilation is not provided."

etcetera.

You might get a kick out of this news story http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1276000/1276819.stm
And as that's BBC url, I'm hoping that it won't be cut

Well I thought my own posting would be removed, and it wasn't: I wonder what this one was abducted for.

I guess we will have to wait until Tuesday.

Maybe it was someone having a go at the multi-volume, encyclopedic, rules and regulations that ensure when you surf BBC Online everything is cute and cuddly and you are safe and secure - as long as all your windows are shut and your TV is not tuned to a risque BBC TV programme

...or someone discussing the 184 page European Union booklet on the correct shape of bananas

Actually, it was me, pointing everyone to a story on the BBC news website about someone who was suing... well, let's just say the biggest burger company in the world because a hot pickle had dropped out of a burger they were eating and burnt their chin. Her husband was also suing for the loss of his wife's company and love during the time she was recuperating. There was also a reference to the woman who sued the same company when she spilled some hot coffee in her lap. The whole post amounted to a url to the story on a BBC server. The way I see it, if it's already on the BBC, ain't no reason why it shouldn't be here, so I'm posting it again. If any moderators, or Mark, or Peta (with whom I have had a very amicable and productive conversation about some earlier moderation), are reading, and want to admonish me, you know where I can be found.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1276000/1276819.stm Hey, this a BBC url! What's the point of removing it?

In volume 3, article 12, chapter 38, page 1126 of the moderators rulebook mentions, in triplicate, that they (the moderators) cannot respond to questions posted on h2g2. Only Peta and Abi can.

Presumably, it's to stop them working themselves into a pickle

*clears throat*

look at all the rules and regulations
sinking in a bitter pool of wine
don't disturb me now
while I write my postings
which I'll bet will be removed within short time

*bows*

Let me be the first to welcome Post 13 back to the forum. You were missed.

Ahhhh, it's good to see your children come back to you