Crafting the Perfect Snowball
Created | Updated Jul 11, 2005
A snowball. A perfect handcrafted sphere of solidified H2O, generally found in temperate latitudes when the rain is... different. Squishy. Crunchy, and known as snow. What should we do with this wonderous work of art? Exhibit it, in a special refrigerated case? Store it in the freezer, so future generations can admire it? No. Throw it, at an individual, who was only making a snowman - or at least, that's what they say later. They were planning to get the first shot in, weren't they? Of course they were. They always are.
The most famous snowball creating six year old I know of is Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes fame.
This entry currently has methods for the production of five types of snowball, 'The Splatterer', 'The Painful', 'The Surprise', 'The Unexpected Hoodie' and 'The Oort Cloud Special'
The Splatterer
This snowball explodes on impact, to cover the target with a fine layer of slush. Snow should be slightly damp - powdery snow is never any good for snowballs - and if the recipiant has already provided a later snowball, yellow1. The snowball should only be compacted enough to ensure that it flies through the air as one object. Generally obvious when being constructed. Find shelter.
The Painful
Exactly as it sounds - painful. Formed from large amounts of snow compacted into a solid lump of ice. Takes a long time to form. An advantage of being hit by this is that it can be recycled in the direction of it's creator, as it is not affected by impact. The person standint to one side of the battle, with hand clenched, apparently unintereested in what is going on, could well be constructing a painful. Find shelter.
The Surprise
At first glance this appears like an ordinary Splatterer. However, it is heavier, and causes a much greater effect. This is because there is only a thin layer of snow, surrounding a large stone. Very painful. The constructor is likely to be digging deep into the snow, searching for pebbles beneath. Find shelter.
The Unexpected Hoodie
Less a snowball, more a pile of snow used in anger. Snow should not be compacted or thrown, rather it should be deposited in the opponent's hood. It may take time for them to realise the presence of this snowmass, but the wait is generally worth it. To avoid, ensure hood is up at all times.
The Oort Cloud Special
A large mass of ice and dirt, no-one is entirely sure how these are built. Remnants of the construction of our Solar System, these comets, or dirty snowballs as they are sometimes described, are certainly the most destructive of snowball types. Generally described as half the size of Manhattan. The Deep Impact spacecraft is currently investigating the structure of one of these, and so further information may arrive later. No real way to avoid these, whatever Hollywood thinks.
For more information on the use of these, I'd recommend Snowball Fights.
Of course, it is recommended that you do not actually use these snowballs, and stay inside when the white blanket comes.
1Yellow snow is that which has been urinated on. Not a pleasent thought.
