h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... crawls in on all fours ... limply waves paw at everyone ... lays near bar ... pushes bowl (which hasn't been cleaned since she left) towards the bar ...

tired

"Wipes bowl, and refills it with reviving *

::kicks the jukebox till it plays a tune by that famous rock formation "crimson revival"::

kicks box with hind legs: red, red wine .... ... UB40 ... begins playing from jukebox

starts dancing very slowly - difficult on four paws

::kicks the jukebox till it plays a slow fox::

there, this should be a lot easier for you,

What Shirps really needs to aid dancing is a deep bowl of Badger Beer's 'Tanglepaws' (it's called Tanglefoot really but as my old Kim enjoyed it so much, I always refer to it as Tanglepaws.

*Waves to WR and hopes he has packed his thermal undies for his trip North*

yeah, keep cool, WR

wait - that didn't sound right

*Takes Pierce by his elbow and guides him more to the left of the bar, places an in his hand and polishes his eye patch*

There!

*Steps back to admire her handiwork*


Repeat what you just said from over here and perhaps it will sound different.

... drinks some of Gwennie's Tanglepaws ... waits a mo ... tries to dance ... legs tie in knots, like maypole ribbons ... tumbles to floor ... lays unable to move, but observes ...

Hey, now your eye-patch is sparkling clean I'll send you a piccy of what my owners got me on holiday - ah, it made me remember you when I was miles away

trying to untangle paws & legs

*enter tired and bedraggled figure laden with papers and parts, T-shirts, gifts and freebee handouts*
I wish that conference organisers would remember that we have to fly back home with all this extra weight! Thank goodness they didn't weigh the handluggage as well...

...*pulls out the DART Gwennie stuck in her ear...seeing anstuck to it ...becomes happy beyond what anyone's ever seen!!!...*
I CANHEARAGAIN!!!!!no need to shout...
Gwennie! Darling...*kicks her shin when kissing her so no one can see...*

Nice rainy weather we're havin'

WR let me have that tee shirt!...*grabs it & cuts it here there & everywhere...*

Now, where'd those three Antonios go??


...*rushes out the alley door...puts a foot in what she can only hope was a small swimming pool...runs around to the front door and finds......*
...*light fom the front door opening....blindes all the drunks, er, patrons...*
Did someone put an ad in the local paper for an 'Antonio'? Cuz there's
like, 42 Antontios out front with applications in their hands. And having looked them over I'd say that 42 out of 42 of um are


...*is too polite to say anything about Shirps being in the h2g2 pics...as she's going a bit BLONDE in the face...*

Don't forget to read ALL the literature WR, you just may get a x-examination from your bosses

Sorry to tell you this Pan, but that wasn't a small swimming pool

My piccy on h2?? Where?? Where??

So what's wrong with going blonde for a young pup like me - huh?

trying to find her piccy .....

so now it's wrong to be blonde

No doubt you would look rather peculiar in a blond wig Pierce - that's if you had one and happened to be wearing it...

*Pours Shirps another bowl of Tanglepaws and uses WR's tattered t-shirt to wipe the slops from the floor around it*

Nice you see you back on one piece WR, even if your t-shirts aren't.

Pan, if I lend you my brolly to ward of the rain would you let me help to interview the Antonios?

*Fastens the damp t-shirt around her bruised ankle where Pan kicked her*

Gwennie, perhaps you should interview the Antonios wearing the damp tatters of the T-shirt...just to see if they would rise to the occasion!

*ducks to avoid hurled abuse and sundry stray objects lying within her reach*

Alas! Alack! It's many years since anyone rose to any occasion for me WR and I fear the Antonios would several miles were I to sport a tattered t-shirt!

The last time my car broke down, the only man to come to my aid was an elderly gentleman who couldn't even help me to push the offending vehicle as he was recovering from open heart surgery!

*Tries to hide the note of desperation in her voice as she pours herself another glass of mother's ruin and slouches over her glass, muttering and dribbling to herself*

Perhaps I could borrow a pair of Pan's falsies and strap 'em to my chest first?

... nuzzles comfortingly against Gwennie's hand & affectionately gives her a lick ... stares up at her with big brown eyes ... sniffs the air - suddenly dives for the bowl of Tanglepaws - everything else forgotten ...

drink overcomes everything else

(I wouldn't bother with the falsies - I tried false nails once & during the evening, one by one they fell off - now you wouldn't want that to happen would you )

talk about nailing down to a promise

I gave a pair of falsies to a friend just before someone's wedding as a joke & I'll be hanged if she didn't wear um! I thought she looked ...

When the gutter salesman was here he wrote up a contract with the ole Bear & then told Bear that all talk of gutters was now over & he was to go into the house so he could speak to his Hungarian Indian wife.I was left on the porch like a lamb to the slaughter!!! ... I mean ...... Bear seems to have this idea of "if you can get yourself into um - you can get yourself out of um".
I think my Hungarian was a bit off ... I said something I thought meant one thing & the next thing I know...Ooopise ...thinking aloud again.

...*lights the end of the tee shirt Gwennie wrapped around her sore ankle as the mixture in the alley turned out to be 99% alcohol...smiles at ...*

leaps over the bar to find the ice bucket - all this action going on sure to have melted the ice - throws bucket at Gwennie - sorry Gwennie, it was supposed to have put out the fire ...

muttering: I must improve my aim