h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What??? I'm not doing anything!

Just summoning the odd dark power and making deals with the other side,...hmmmm..... nothing at all.

We know that line, we've heard it before.

FABT

YEAH!!!

*Observes everything through a crack in the door*
*Whispers to himself "Soon,very soon........"
*Drifts away, a ghostly howl lingering on the still night air*

Good job I had garlic bread last night them isn't it?

FABT

DURAK!!!!
::Phlaktoth stops growing evil-looking heads, having exactly 42 total now, and appears to be immensely hungry. Long, sticky tendrils of drool drip from his mouth and sizzle and smoke when they hit the floor. His long, spiked tail thrashes from side to side with eager anticipation. Thog approaches, pats his head fondly, and whispers ominously into one of Phlaktoth's many ears. Phlaktoth grins evilly,nods his heads, and slithers out the door.
For what purpose? Mwa aa aa aa aaahhhhh!!!::

OH!!! What a good multi-headed sentient being!!! He answered the door!!! The pizza's here!!! YAY!!!

::runs to the door to discover that Phlaktoth has eaten the pizza delivery boy AND his three large pizzas::

Well that's just plain mean. You could have saved a slice for everybody else. I've already eaten 6 today and I'm in need of something savoury

FABT

MMMMM.... I think we're going to have pancakes for dinner tonight.... ::drool::

Hey, in my defense, I didn't TELL him to eat the poor guy!
Sheesh, man, talk about ruining my... um... artistic flow... make him eat the pizza boy for 's sake...
::stalks off muttering to himself::

*Lurcher appears in the doorway, carefully avoiding the mess on the floor*

Well folks, I knew it would all end in tears !
That Thog person obviously has no control over old drooling chops, at this rate you`ll have no visitors at all.
I can help you however.
My,er, colleagues and I, for a small consideration,will rid you ,once and forall, of that creature. Thog too, if you like
Just let me know, you know it makes sense

*Exits gracefully, with a swish of his fine Lupine tail*

::three 42-headed Phlaktoth clones appear from their hiding places behind random motes of dust and, drooling incessantly, slither after Lurcher, leaving bubbling trails of acidic slime in their wake::

Oops, sorry about the floor, Dragonfly -- here, I'll take care of it...
::mutters and waves a hand abstractedly::
SHOOOOOFFFFF.... ZWICK! ::the floor of the pub vanishes for a billionth of a second and reappears clean, shiny, and entirely free of any acid drippings or pizza - boy remnants. It also happens to be a solid sheet of polished mahogany now, but since mahogany fits in with the whole chocolate theme, Thog doesn't think it'll be a problem::
There! Better than new!
ha ha haaaa!!! The mangy old fleabag fell for it! Hee hee! Now my plan truly begins... after all, the sacrifice of an innocent pizza boy only made me STRONGER, AH HA HA! Plus it drew the little doggie out of his hiding place...

*reappears, momentarily*
I rest my case!!

Hrrmmmgrrrrr... I'll rest his case... grrrrrr
::snaps fingers and vanishes. No, no smoke, no FOOOOF's, nothing. Just vanishes::

::reappears, holding a long roll of parchment::
OK, people!! I have here an official mandate from... ummmmm... somebody very important, and it specifically states that, lessee
::unrolls parchment::
...*ahem* "The Bacchus Bar is and shall remain a neutral zone, in the interest of protecting the rights of its patrons to a genuinely QUIET lunchtime drinkie, and in the interset of protecting the brand - new floor the bar has recently come in to possession of. As such, the Bacchus Bar shall not be a place of delivering threats, nor shall it be a place for housing any manner of military personnel or supplies..." And, you know, it goes on a bit --
::rolls parchment back up::
-- so I now declare this place to be a place of neutrality, where no threats shall be delivered to or against any Muse or non - Muse , and all peoples, whether opponents or allies, may sit and have a relaxing lunchtime drinkie without the need to talk business. In compliance with the mandate, I will now vacate my troops from the premises.
::gestures silently and 39 more 42-headed Phlaktoth clones slide out from behind their motes of dust and, drifting several feet off the floor so as not to damage it, waft out the door::

Anyone (by which I mean Lurcher and his drunken pack of flea - bitten lurching fuzzballs) who would like to challenge me may do so in my own space if they have the nerve. Let this place remain peaceful and quiet.
In the meantime, I'm going to have me a .
::mutters and a appears on the bar in front of him::

oh good, i was beginning to think there might be something in the chocolate milk.

FABT

Well, I didn't say there wasn't, now, did I???

I could hardly read that backlog...

Researchers don't let other researchers get eaten!!!

If we order enough pizza then none of us is going to have room to eat anyone else.

Mine's a spicy chicken and pineapple

FABT