h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to the H2G2 Cricket Pitch's Indoor Nets.
Come in and join the team in one of the practise sessions, or just spy for the opposition

*Enters wearing Mad Hat No. 1, a child's Action Man helmet*

Looking for a wickie? I'm happy to!

*pulls batting gloves out of a large bag*

Bum.

*rootles around and produces wicketkeeper's gloves*

*whips out bat and pads and waits expectantly for one of the bowlers*

*Wanders in, picks up a ball and bowls a loosener off a two pace run-up.*

*wanders in, grabs a ball and begins to warm up...*

I wonder exactly how bouncy these indoor wickets are...
*wicked gleam in eye and much Curtly-style rubbing together of hands*

*faces up to NexusSeven, only to find ball shooting over her head*
ok now I've established I don't have to duck for bouncers

*Another two step run up delivers a beautifully flighted ball, the spin just takes it away from a righthanded batsman.*

*slams down another beast of a delivery that would have been the most evil of 90mph bodyline rib-crunchers if it hadn't been wide by a good two feet...*

*Nods in admiration of the speed if not the line.*

*curses in frustration at the line if not the speed*

*A slightly faster ball pushed through straight just misses the stumps.*

*fends of ball from BluesSlider, then shakes head to remove the blur caused by NexusSeven's bowling*

Another flighted ball dropping on off stump...

*jumps out of the way*

Yike!

I say, anyone around?
*twiddles his bat in an Alec Stewart stylee*

Finally someone for me to test my weak impression of Paul Adams on
(do they have a new smiley to portray a frog in a blender?)

*whirls arms around like bizarre windmill and sends the ball in the general direction of Goshoogoshoogosh*

*Two weeks later Goshoogoshoogosh whacks the ball over mid-on*
I've heard of sending down a slower one Swiv, but really!

*Opens the back door of the nets building to allow himself space to do his impression of Graham Gooch doing an impression of Bob Willis*

Hhhffff....
Phwfff...
Hhhmmmph...

*Reaches end of run-up exhausted, trips over badly-tied bootlaces, falls with nose across popping-crease*

Ouch.

*puts Global Village Idiot back on his feet and gently dusts the dirty nose*
Try again

Funny you should mention that, GVI. Seeing Graham Gooch doing his various (including Bob Willis) impersonations on the final day of a test in.... was it 77 or 78? Anyways, I was layed up in bed with glandular fever, and had little else to do but watch tv or read or listen to the wireless. I'd had only a passing interest in cricket up until then, although I have memories from the early-mid 60's of staying with an aunt who loved it, and who watched it all day on her small black and white tv. She knew all the players by how they walked, by their run-up, how they stood at the crease, and by all their little quirks - "Oh, that's so-and-so, you can tell by the way he swings his bat around as he's walking to the wicket". Also, being from Romford, I'm a big fan of GG, for his cricket at least. I'm not too keen on his political views. I used to catch a train or a bus to Ilford very year when Essex played there.