h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Communications problems between the sexes is legendary; between individuals is common:

One important step is for individuals to make sure they have the same meaning for a given phrase or word as the other person. This is the source of a great deal of confusion.
Another one is based around what a person is thinking about when someone approaches or starts talking: the communication is jaded by whatever's in the head of the person listening, which is far more to do with a personal agenda than anything the other person's talking about....so the difference between what's HEARD and what's MEANT are often klicks apart....


'Women don't always say what they mean outright, whereas men call a spade a spade.'
Sometimes; depends on who the person is and how aware they are. I've met men who'd rather covertly gain attention by being as circumlocutious as possible...which leads the listener to wonder when they'll get to the point, and make mental notes in future not to ask anything of this person again. I've also met women who provide only the direct answer to the question, with no embellishment or the possibility of side-information that might be equally useful, if not more so.

Do you think that men and women approach conversation in a different way?
Certainly; the convention is that women wish to establish relationships with the people they're talking to, where men simply want a question answered....which usually then tells them if they want to establish a relationship....or gives them more info about going in that direction.

Do women really divulge more personal details to their girlfriends than men do?
I've no idea; I do find that being more vulnerable around women is far easier for me than doing the same around men, although that depends entirely on the circumstances and who the other person is. Many men like to think they can handle emotional issues as well as they can the job they do, or a mechanical problem (for those that are into tinkering)....and often they're just as at sea as some women....

Do men share intimate secrets with their male friends?
Not in my experience, unless the stuff comes up in a particular context...and I'm speaking from the perspective of one who stands apart from the crowd anyway......

Are women deliberately obtrusive, or do men just fail to read the signs?
Differs with individuals: yes and no and maybe; sometimes a straight answer can be just as difficult to hear (and therefore is usually lost) as a bit of circumlocution that's supposed to mean 'the ideal gift for Mum's Golden Anniversary and you get to buy it next week'...(which is equally lost because it's not specific enough).

How could men and women learn to communicate better with each other?
Firstly, come from a place of 'this is how I communicate', and when dealing with ANY other person, make sure that both are talking about the same thing, MEANING the same thing with the words they use.
Secondly, check in with the other person to make sure that what was heard is what was said; then check to see if what was heard is what was meant.
Thirdly, when in doubt, check it out: is this what you meant when you said this? (this could be long afterward, when doubt comes up about precisely what was said or heard)
Fourthly, never assume something of the other person: just because you do something in your own way in your own home/family/job is no reason to think that others do things the same way....or that your way is okay where you're going/are/have been.

I keep getting tripped by the idea that because I can see something clearly in my mind's eye, everyone else can see it as clearly too. Big shock: the can't and don't....and I have to add lots of details for clarity and depth to get them to where I am.
I also get tripped by knowledge levels: I work in New Media and assume that the rest of the world knows what I'm talking about most of the time: they don't, and many don't care....and few have the same skills that I do or the technology. I lose a lot of people that way, and I'm irritated by their lack of knowledge/skill, and they're irritated by my assumption of their parity level.

Fruitbat

Let's see if I can be coherent at 3:24 am.

I learned some useful presuppositions about communication many years ago. Some of them include:

You're always communicating, in all modalities, all the time. - this especially true in face to face encounters. What is a modality you ask? In face to face communications there are basically 3 modalities:

1. The words you speak. According to a guy named Miller, who did a study on all of this, words only carry about 7% of the content communicated.

2. The vocal analogs. In other words, pitch, timbre, rate of speech, length of pauses and such. This music of speaking carries about 35% of the content, as I recall. And, the final modality is . .

3. The physical analogs. This includes gestures, posture, smiles, grimaces, the interpersonal space you adapt, and all that kind of jazz. Physical analogs account for the bulk of the content of what's being communicated. You do the math.

Another presuposition I've found useful has been: The meaning of a message is the response you get. If I suddenly erupted with the likes of, "Snarglegravit! Pass the peas!" Would you look at me like I was a bug? Or, pass the peas?

Here's another presupposition: Meaning is generated by the recipient of the message. And, has frequently, has little or no correspondance with the intended meaning. However, you can iteratively approach mutual understanding. But that's the subject of a whole differant post.

But more, perhaps, another time. I'm tired.