h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

POSITION: 2 miles off the SW cape.

"Kes. Why are we so far from the shore? I'm tired of paddling."

*Seabirds swirl above the cape, using the wind to take them along the coast. Kes had watched them most days.

Peaceful - the wind will be blowing us back towards the shore. We don't want to be too close.
Now we're going to head just N of E - parallel to the shore beyond the cape. Two to three miles that way is the Cragi Camp.
We'll see if there are any signs of life there. If not, we push on along the coast to the jetty.

"Kes - I can't paddle another minute. We're never going to cover that distance."

We won't be paddling, Peaceful - just watch the birds.

*Smiling - the first time he's figured something out ahead of Peaceful. He extends the battered tripod to full height, and wedges its remaining 1.5 "pods" against the boat's planking.
He ties the anorak to the new "mast", adn the wind begins to carry them towards shore - rather too quickly.*

Peaceful - quick - give me the big paddle - we'll use it as a rudder - over this side. Help me hold it.

*The boat take up a course not quite parallel to shore - heading slightly inland. Before too long, this course will take them past Cragi Camp ... *

* The tide suddenly shifts up a gear and within minutes they past not only the camp and the large boat moored not far from the Jetty... *

* They come up to the fringe where the craggy rocks usually bar passage to the region where the forest is encircled... *

* Within minutes the boat shifts pasts some of the more dangerous rocks that fringe this coastline... *

* As the minutes past however a seabreeze is forcing the small fragile boat closer & closer to the jagged rocks here !!! *

Peaceful - cut down the sail. Quick.
*But the momentum of the boat carries it towards the next line of rocks. A wave bears it partly over the reef; planks groan and split. The mast collapses just as Peaceful cuts a sleeve off the "sail" by mistake.
As the wave breaks, it deposits the boat on the shoreward edge of the reef.
The keel is broken. The occupants are thorwn into the calmer water on the shoreward side*

* The currents drag P.E & Lintilla towards the underside of the rocks along the shore, within seconds it may well drag them towards their doom !!! *

* Kes gets ripped out seawards... *

*Kes surfaces. The stern of the boat is wedged on the reef; Peaceful lies across the seat - wedged into place. The bow has come off the reef, and is sinking. As he swims back to get Peaceful, Kes remembers that Lintilla was asleep at the front of the boat.

He changes direction, manages to grab the girl from the wreckage, and pulls her onto the beach. She is coughing and crying, but not badly hurt.

A swim back to the reef; Peaceful is half-conscious, and helps with the swim back to shore. She is clutching what's left of the anorak*

Peaceful - are you OK? Peaceful? *Little response*
Lintilla? *A muffled cry*

Help! Somebody - help! *Silence*

* A wave breaks over the beach and Kes realises how close to the end he & his company came to death... *

* He looks around to see this isn't a part of the Island he recognises... *

Must .. attract attention. The jetty is close. The Marshalls will come. How?

Light a fire - wet wood - smoke. but no fire.

*Lintilla half sits up, and from her clothing produces the box of matches and her airmail envelope.*
You're fantastic, Lintilla - thanks a million - but you keep the stamp.
*He returns the precious air mail envelope*
I've got another idea.
*He takes the half-album from Peaceful's omnipresent handbag, pauses for a moment, takes the other half from his pocket. Both have many dry pages. Lintilla coughs; Peaceful moans - her face looks grey. Surprised, Kes drops the two volumes onto the beach ... they look surprisingly alike ...*
No time to waste. Here goes.
*He strikes a match, and applies it to one of the books. A small fire is lit. Once it's going, he adds a little driftwood, then looks for a source of smoke - something damp.*
Well, anorak - it's been nice knowing you. I'll just keep one piece as a souvenir ...
*We have smoke. A large cloud of white smoke rises into the sky. Someone is sure to see it.*
Come on, Lintilla, help me move Peaceful closer to the fire - that's it - thanks - now get warm yourself. They will come and rescue us soon. How was that for a boat trip?
*He sits on the sand, looking at the remaining half of the album - not daring to open it.*
They'll be here soon. Don't cry.

*flutter of wings
Need any help, here?

Yes GB - you bet we do!
BEHIND YOU!
On the hidden beach .....

* The big bad marshall stares fiercely at the interfering angel... *

M.K*

Oh, come on.
In the last 24 hours I've been bashed in the coconuts,
seen my string vest distorted in ways that give one eyestrain,
shipwrecked,
got my anorak burned,
lost half my stamp collection
washed up on a beach nowhere near a Burger King ...
and I can't even get a bit of angelic help?
Fair's fair, old chap ..

GB looks at the annoyed M.K* -
then at the pleading Kes
back again at M.K*......
Thinks: "Who pays my salary?"
*flies off to the Jetty.

*flies up to Kes*

not all of us are nasty you know... *sees the look on MK's face* well, you're gonna have to get over me soon enough. I cant be with someone who goes of with.. *sniff* people like that...

You'll have to come find me when you learn that you really do need angelic love... *sobs. Kes gives her a hug*

Right. now what mess has he dropped you in now?

*hands Kes a beacon of fire to ward off any evils*

I'll be back in a bit to see how you are coping

*flies away from MK...*

* M.K sees F.C walk off & he throws the petunias to the wind... *

M.K*

*sees one of the petunias float past her...*

*I cant leave things like this...

*especially so close to the end....

*but I cant. not after 'her'....

*hovers slightly above the ground...*

*wonders to herself why she is always around when fires are started and yaks come around....hmm actually she has surprisingly not yet seen a single yak.*

I'm fine, the boat ride was fun but I'd like to go someplace dryer now.

* I think you'll find Lintilla is marooned at Hidden Beach... *

Has anyone here seen the Crab? Or Tweetie?
Oh, hello M.K*....is there anything you want me to do?
{SOB}
*bursts into tears

kiddo: Is Tweetie around... er... What's wrong with GB?
You looking for Tweet too?

*sobs in Kiddo's arms
Yes, I must find her! I don't know where else to look! I've flown over every inch of this island {sorry European Commission, I mean centimetre}.....and I can't find the poetic Crab either!
SOB!