h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tweetie: Shall we throw a retirement Party! for Him?

*Green Flash* Hi everyone, I'm back from a long weekend! How are things? Good to sea Kes and PE getting along well together! BTW, if anyone has anything important they want to say to me in my capacity as reporter please drop me a note at http://www.h2g2.com/F28113?thread=69375 *Green Flash*

*sighs*
I have nothing important to say. Nothing exciting has happened to me yet...
*sighs*
*pause*
Oh, GB. We should definitely throw a party. As long as we stock the bar really well, I'm sure HE will appreciate it

*echoes round the island*
GRUBS UP AT THE YAPONG CAMP*

Ah! Good day, ladies and gentlemen. Allow me to introduce myself... Colonel Sellers, Naval Intelligence. Now, in the name of national security, I'm going to have to ask you all a few questions....

Are there any communists among you?

Are you sure?

Positive?

No slimy pinkoes anywhere then, eh?

Good, good. You lot look like a trustworthy bunch, although your hygiene could use a bit of work. It just so happens that I have a supply of toothbrushes... good stout military toothbrushes... guaranteed to clean your teeth, chip paint, and wear through a set of iron bars, should the need arise. I will let you have them as a goodwill offering, if you can only enter into this eensie weensie pledge with me. Now repeat after me..

I... state your name... do solemnly swear that I have never heard of Operation Brat Snatch, and furthermore, I have the utmost confidence that the superior armed forces of the United States of America...



... would never make the grievous mistake of thinking this little pissant island, nice that it may be, could somehow be Cuba, and furthermore...



... as God is my witness, I shall never utter a word of the events of this day, upon my honor, my life, my very soul!

Good... well, I hope that settles that then. Enjoy your toothbrushes.

Chief! What is all this?

Chief: Sir?

My hovercraft is full of eels!

*flutter of wings
GB flies over and decides to keep going.....
Thinks: Was that GB I spotted down there? Well, it looked like the top of his head....If it was....ooh...er....I better report back to....er......OH! I'M in charge......!

*loud voice over above the noise made by the soldiers*

RIGHT... TURN THOSE ENGINES OFF...

thank you, now i can hear myself talk... um... I think we'll confiscate those toothbrushes and anything else you may have brought to the island... it is after all meant to be survival

*reluctanly the soldiers return to their submarines, realising that to continue would invoke the wrath of a certain GOD-Almighty....*

now Colonel.. might i enquire as to how you got past His security meaures???

We, the government of the United States, are held accountable to a higher power... the citizens of the same. Although we do take the words of God into account, unless God is an active citizen who manages to bring a coalition of voters together, His will is no more influential than any other.

However, the intelligence leak DOES point to a higher power...

*flutter of wings
Can anybody here help me?
I have been flying around like a blue....
Archangel Tweetie was last seen diving into the water at Peaceful Bay, and you know how dangerous it is there!
*drip *drip *drip
*GB looks round, and in her haste to find help in locating Tweetie, forgot she was soaking wet....
*looks at the boots of the person who's just had them dripped on....
*raises her gaze until she comes face-to-face with...
"GargleBlaster!!!"

ah... GB, I think I've got the colonel in hand... as soon as he realises that God is all powerful on the island we should get somewhere....

*a lightning bolt thunders from a completely clear sky landing mere inches behind the colonel... more follow and eventually it stops. FC and GB knowing Him fear nothing, the colonel however does not look too sure of himself*

see, only He would burn *God wos 'ere* into the ground with lightning....

now. lets go find Tweet... oh my oh my... MK* Zax* where are you???

* M.K rides in on his Quad-bike taking a quick look around at the devistation... *

Oh my...oh, my oh my...oh my...

* He gives a silent nod & a wink to Mr.Sellars, because the 'plan' worked splendidly... *

M.K*

Plan?
What plan???

And is it ineffable?

*strolls across the sands, hoping for remnants of miltary weaponry (after the pterodactyl we need all the help we can get)*

I reckon the Marshalls are having more fun on this island than us survivors

*broad grin*
Oh yes, great idea
*scowers the beach*
*lets out a great whoop of delight*
Lookee here- a great big bag of military stuff...
Oooh, it's just like Christmas

yabadabadoo......

What's in there and how big a bang will we be able to make.....
and can we kill tyrannosaurs with it ('cos you NEVER know!)


.......they didn't leave any scotch in there too...? *Hopefully*

Good Lord, there's heavy ammunition in here!
I reckon they left this on purpose y'know- publicity stunt.
And who am I to pass up a publicity stunt. Cos you know....
*breaks off in mid-sentence to stare at a small plant*
Thank the dear God- there's Jack Daniels in that there plant!
God bless the US army! Quick, help me get this lot back to camp.
*grabs the bag and swings it onto her back*

*eats runs behind Tweetie, supporting the large bag of weaponry*

Hiiiiiiiii-HO

* The big black bag contains a hand held rocket launcher & 4 shells... *

GB walks in, carrying her Crab in her gentle hands.
*Crab waves its claws at M.K*
GB reads last few threads.
With a wrinkled brow, she asks:
"Tweetie's got Jack who? in her bag? I never saw him on the list of Survivors, I hope he gets voted out first...