h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Trailer of the Temptress - A398748
Author: Deidzoeb --==-- go read the Underguide A1103329 - U96220

Deidzoeb is generally worth reading, but I'd overlooked this one somehow.
Packed with imagery and fascinating characterisation.
It seems to have a Fiction Central history and maybe CAC and its antecedents too. And I know I shouldn't treat venerable Researchers as museum exhibits. Just trying to share the Kick of the Pick, that's all.

Hi Pinniped,

This story has gone through the Post a few years ago as well as Fiction Central and maybe CAC, can't remember. But if it's still eligible for UG, I won't complain! Treat me like a venerable museum exhibit!

Thanks,
Deidzoeb

If I were the curator, you'd have your own guard to fend off the riff-raff. Grubby hands have no business touching greatness.

Captivating story telling, the "fantasy" reader in me almost sheds a tear at the thought of those poor lost beings. All in all, a masterful piece of work, and one which I feel privlaged to have read.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

Hey Deidzoeb , you're looking well for a museum piece.

So that's what Meals on Wheelers do. A clear gem for the prospecting bag.

Congratulations to the venerable Deidzob . This has been picked by the UnderGuide miners and accepted by the editors for inclusion in the h2g2 <./>UnderGuide</.>. You know all the rest, what happens next etc..

On behalf of the UnderGuide, thank you .

Cool! Thanks!

Hullo!

I'll be your polisher for this piece. Thanks for contributing to your UG.
Having a first glance through it I'm a bit confused by a few of the tenses used. In my mind it flips between present and past. Any thoughts? Is this just me?

If you have a burning worry about me having my hands on your piece then you can see the other entries I have polished/subbed at A3476351

Kat

Hi Kat,

I don't know what the technical name is for the "would" tense, but I suppose that's what looks confusing. The narrator describes some events in past tense, but she's talking about how her usual visit to each person went, so sometimes she uses that "would" tense: "And he would always stretch up right beside me from somewhere I hadn't noticed..."

Would it make more sense all in past tense? Or are there other spots where I just goofed up and went into wrong tenses?

Oh, I see another spot, near the end where the narrator is wondering about the Temptress and goes into present tense. "What does she do with her days?" Is that part the problem?

No burning worries!

Later,
Deidzoeb