h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Celery asked me to convey his personal best wishes for the speedy recovery of Demon Drawer. I, also, hope that DD recovers quickly. It's got to be a rough time for him, particularly since the doctors in the ICU won't let unconscious patients have a Guinness. :-) As far as the comment about the Celery's interest in a coup, it's clear from the record that the comment made was by one of his staff who was simply personally surprised not to have heard about a particular event that was reported http://www.h2g2.com/F46364?thread=61482&post=477419 No big deal. The other comments, however, regarding death threats from various candidates, are a concern, and we hope that an investigation will uncover the true story quickly. Redbeard, Chief Political Operative Celery/Webjello 2000 http://www.h2g2.com/A383267

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Hmmm.. a little irregular, but hanging in there.

*Nibbles on the dead poisonous cane toad under DD's bed*

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Calling all doctors in ICU. Calling all doctors...

SET PHASERS ON 'KLINGERMAN VIRUS"
An e-mail message warning of a mysterious "Klingerman" virus arriving via a package is a hoax, say officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia.
The agency notes that an e-mail message is circulating that warns of several people becoming ill with a mysterious virus after they open a package sent via the US mail, along with the rumor that hundreds of postal workers fell ill when they'd steamed open packages looking for cash.
According to the e-mail, the package is a large blue envelope marked "A Gift for You from the Klingerman Foundation" and contains a sponge contaminated with a mysterious virus. As a result, over 3,000 charity jars of Klingermann's Fancy Preserves made by the orphans of Klingermann Farms have been thrown out by worried recipients.
The e-mail alleges that 23 individuals have become infected and seven have died after handling the sponge, and that the pair of "x-ray glasses," also included in the package, leave large blank ink rings around the eyes.
The e-mail also quotes a fictitious "Florida Police Sergeant Stetson" who states that officials are working with the CDC and the US Postal Service to track down the sender of these letters. State officials note that Florida's real Sergeant Stetson is far too dim-witted to handle anything by himself.

http://www.h2g2.com/A399125