h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*starts reading a read out with coordinates*
upc 12e r56789-r but thats impossible

Did they just go straight down? Don't Panic

those co-ordinates are for Gallifery in the universe of lost planets, time lords you're gonna visit home!

I have just been reading up on the Arthurlians and apparently their relationship with the Time Lords goes way back, in fact there was a rumour that Merlin was a Time Lord once.
Arthurlians average height is 2m and they look a bit like elves with long hair and pointy ears, they have reptilian eyes and their noses are shiny tough skin, some even have scales. That's where their name of Dragon men came from, I wonder if this has anything to do with the Pendragons of legend?
Anyway more to the point is our ship capable of travelling to a different universe, didn't the universe of lost planets used to be called the forbidden zone? Oh well if there was a reason for that guess we'll find it out.

hold on taking us through the void

They never learn.

hold on we're leaving the void
*the ship gives a tremendous shudder and exits the void coming to a halt in the univerese of lost planets*

hmm...[renegade]

there, they've landed on that S3 planet

*bing bong* members of the TIA we have a guest aboard today, minicheesemouse who is recovering from surjury

Glad to see your back s-kipper, an update on our situation, we have been observing the Arthurlians from a safe distance for the past 3 earth weeks. I got the down load, life sign scanners for dummies , that was pretty hard going till I found the scanner.

The Arthurlians appear to have set up camp on the planet, they have some sort of session with their prisoners from the schooner they took from earth for about eight hours in every eighteen. Perhaps they are interogating? Anyway they have made no attempt to leave the planet. How far are we from Galifrey?

I tried that wedge of Pizza in the replicator, it threw a wobbler and flashed up some warnings about sub molecular re sequencing had been carried out on it, and that if I continued I risked infecting the whole ship. I escaped from the process and the replicator came up with the following....."Phew thank heavens for that, the previous sample looked like ANCHOVY PIZZA, I have that in my archives, deep pan, thin crispy base or stuffed crust."

Meanwhile I recommend you get those bits in the bag down to the medi bay, what species is minicheesemouse? So we know what to look out for in their recovery.

thats ancient history now mini is in the medibay
*pulls a disk out of a pocket, the disk is labbled Modulated Energy Repeating Loop Inhibitor Nexus*
computer take us in to a closer orbit
*computer*okey-dokey
i have got to fix his damaged personality chip

gallifrey eh? computer portside visual
*several planets appear on the screen*
do you see it?
next to the reddy moon, the lost planet of gallifrey

It's quite close then? I wonder how rough it's got down there without time lords, they used to be a pretty barbaric lot ya know before Omega and Rasillon sorted time travel and time lords. you know there is a distinct possibility that Earths Spiritual leaders may actually be reincarnations of Galifreyan stellar Engineers that got lost, deliberately? Who knows? Maybe the Arthurlians think they've recovered someone really special.

I know the link between the Arthurlians and the Time Lords pre dates the Arthurlian expansion from their home world Camelotea. Heck you can do a lot of reading in three weeks, specially when most logs and records have been translated to 2D old TV format or the newer stuff is in holographic record. I like the TV stuff bit more cultured.

there is life on the planet one tiny lifesign of a timelord i think it maby rassilon

but i d0nt know but can you take this disk and keep it on you at all times

There's a few things I need to know before accepting that disk;
1. Is posession of the disk likely to get me arrested anywhere?
2. Are its contents dangerous.
3. Can I read it and will I find it useful....oh hell...what's on it!

no yes, but only in a computer, and yes

I just had a thought, checking Arturlian prisoners for potential breeding pairs.