h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So many jokes; not enough space...

B

I've already got an entry that talks about weeing - but that's just an exhibit in a museum.

I did try to keep things subtle - and I did find a bit on the teens site that talks about weeing during sex - although that's how to prevent it.

Perhaps I should whip that bit out.

If it's a BDSM garden, what about including stocks and night stocks in there.....

And perhaps some cane sugar plants.

Loving the golden showers entry.

( Entry # A3940977)

Though ginger root has got some handy medical uses. But may not be suitable for Mina to use.

http://www.pdrhealth.com/drug_info/nmdrugprofiles/herbaldrugs/101230.shtml

Emmily

Wot, no birch?

I had thought about the birch, but I don't believe that trees have any place in gardens because of the damage that the roots do. I may reconsider and put in something about those people who do have very large gardens and add it in then.

You can grow smaller birches in pots.

You can plant pot in pots as well, but that might be a different entry.

B

"I had thought about the birch, but I don't believe that trees have any place in gardens because of the damage that the roots do".

Well loads of people do have trees in their gardens - we do. It all depends on the size of your garden of course. I've got a graph which says how far away from a building (house) it is safe to plant various trees. The damage is due to transpiration rate, of course and this removes water from the soil thus leading to subsidence. 'Course, some masochistic people might actually enjoy their house tumbling down around their ears.

Just found my graph a first attempt. In fact, as a rule of thumb, one should never allow a tree to grow taller than its distance fromn your house. A mature birch tree grows to a height of 16-18 metres.

Just found the following on a website:




On a healthy birch, the roots will spread to a distance of at least twice the tree's height. This means that the roots of a mature tree may cover an area about one third the size of a football field. To permit proper root spread, trees should be planted as far as possible from any obstruction that may interfere with root development. Sidewalks, driveways, patios and building foundations will all limit root development...

The high moisture requirement of birch tree is most obvious if you notice that in nature they only grow along lakes and rivers, or on cool north-facing slopes. Where a birch tree is growing on a lawn you should not be fooled into believing that watering the lawn will provide enough moisture to satisfy the birch. Since a large portion of the water applied will be consumed by the lawn, substantially more water should be applied around the roots of the tree. To visualize the amount of water a birch tree can consume, consider that during a typical spring day, a large birch will extract enough water from the soil to fill about ten bathtubs.

All trees should always be planted twice the distance from a house as their height (if that makes sense). They need to spread their roots to anchor themselves, they really need it in high winds! Most people don't have gardens that big, although they do still put in trees. I still believe they have no place in gardens though.

A couple more suggestions..a rope fence, it could be lit up with candles, would a weeping willow tree be too big.

Emmily

"All trees should always be planted twice the distance from a house as their height" .

Well, I don't think this is what's generally recommended. What I said 2 or 3 posts above is what is generally recommended. But obviously - the further the better!

However, the birch is unusual in it's being a water-loving tree.

hmm, That's what I've always seen recommended - twice the distance from the house as it is tall.

I'll have a read through this later, Mina. A quick look through suggests it is good.

Well, pretty naughty actually.

B

Sugar cane doesn't grow in the UK, so I haven't added that suggestion.

Love-lies-bleeding and birch added, with one of the other suggestions added to the bottom of the entry in a list. If no-one comes up with any other suggestions I'll probably add that one into the entry itself.

I've just had a quick count up, and I've got 6 of these plants in my own garden.

http://www.floridagardener.com/pplants/alamanday.htm

Yellow Allamanda- Skin irritation, elevated temperature, vomiting and diarrhea. Wash sap from affected areas with clean water. Severe cases of diarrhea may require fluid and electrolyte replacement

Red Oleander- Ingestion of flowers, seeds, leaves, bark, roots and smoke from burning wood. Contact with sap from plant, pollen from flowers. Skin irritation, decreased or irregular pulse rate, abdominal cramps, vomiting, diarrhea (sometimes bloody), dilated pupils, dizziness, persistent headache, fatigue, drowsiness, loss of visual acuity (blurred or aberrant color vision), convulsions, respiratory failure, coma and death

Rosary Pea, Jequirity Bean-Ingestion of seeds. Stomachache, nausea, diarrhea, weakness, cold perspiration, weak and rapid pulse, rectal bleeding, death possible following the chewing and swallowing of one seed or less

hmm, thanks for the suggestions, but they just seem poisonous, and that's not really the effect that I want to go for. I certainly don't want to put anything that could cause death () in it, because reading between the lines of this entry is the tease that readers might like to try some of these things.

'[birch] and have a distinctive 'peeling' bark which allows them to grow well in polluted areas'.


This description normally applies to the Lodon Plane - so I wouldn't have thougfht that the adverb 'distinctive' is strictly applicable?

P.S. (Topic drift, I'm afraid - I was going to post this to your PS but, as I have 'matrix to fanfold'...) w.r.t. the business about the distance that trees can be safely planted from houses, I suddenly woke last night thinking about the TV prog. of a few years ago called 'City Trees' which explained how surprisingly green London i, with trees growing in the most constricted places. There was even a tree growing up through the middle of a building. Wonder how subsidence is avoided in these circumstances...?)