h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is a monitor. Rebooting it won't do anything but give you after-images in your eyes for an hour.

This is a cpu. That stands for 'a box full of stuff you wouldn't recognize even if you could find the proper tool to take the back off.'

This is the Blue Screen of Death. It is the software manufacturer's way of telling you that 'you bought it, we broke it'.

This is a desktop. Don't argue. That is what it is. Just like a real one, you can't find anything and if you do, we won't tell you what it is for or what it does.

This is a window. You open it. It sits there. You can make it smaller or bigger or disappear. You can even break it.

This is a mouse. You click it once for some things and twice for others. You can use it to drag things on the desktop or the window into oblivion. Would you like a free upgrade?

This is a popup. It appears when you hit the wrong key on the board.
It will not appear when you need it. It will not disappear unless you go to the help window to find out how to get rid of it. But, sometimes you cannot access help because you are not online. Reboot.

This is a reboot. This what you have to do when the DOS doesn't do what it is supposed to do.

This is DOS. It is a highly sophisticated way to make you wish you'd bought a typewriter. It loses your files for you so you don't have to.

This is a 'back' button. It returns you to the first place where you realized you were lost.

NOTE: The following snide remark is an attack on a certain monopolizing corporation and not on the individual to whom it is addressed:

Oh, a PC. No wonder.

-Spike A.

bananas as that post was tonsil, that's actually pretty close to what we need.

The following points have confused the hell out of me on more that one occasion

box.
cpu.
motherboard.
hard drive/disk
floppy
desktop
icon
window
IE
browser
reboot
crash
whydoesthiscomputerseemnottohaveanoffswitch?!
etc.......

all the really basic things that if you dont know then you probably cant find the right words to ask either


screen shots would be good

FABT

Trouble is, when I first got here, and someone told me how to cut and paste, I felt distinctly patronised.

When I got here, I read A157466 at some point; bits of that could be used as a jumping off point...

On the BBC, there's also WebWise; I don't know how much h2g2 seeks to integrate itself into BBConline as a whole, but if the stuff's there: http://www.bbc.co.uk/webwise/ and http://www.bbc.co.uk/webwise/glossary/ seem like they could be useful to point out to a newbie, albeit not a part of h2g2.

Also, I don't think that screen shots would work. Currently on pc's you might have win95, 98, 2000, ME, NT
(or even 3,1) which all look largely the same but aren't quite. Then, some people have macs so you have to rewrite it all over. I guess you don't really need to bother about the people who use Unix or Linux to connect to h2g2 because having found out about those operating systems is a bit of a 'mare anyway.
Then, there's IE, Opera, Netscape...

Having re-installed Windrows Media Player three times today because I kept getting an Internal Error message when it glitched on me because some piece of Real player has attached itself seemingly permanently to my CD ROM's operating system, I am almost ready to engage in target practice. None of the help stuff on the Microsoft website was of any use to me and the help feature was disabled twice on the Media Player...
What good is Help when it doesn't?
And unless I go swimming into the DOS, I won't be able to find that last tentacle of the Real stuff that I uninstalled a month ago.
On the older 'puters I could get into the DOS with a certain amount of facility, but this time I can't even find it!

what version of windows are you attempting to use?

a broken window!


















sorry

too much

FABT

98

If you try Start>Programs> is 'Command Prompt' there? I heard rumours that some incarnations of windows don't have dos. but this isn't true for '98. Or you could try start>run and then type cmd in the run box....

It's got an MS-DOS Prompt.
Never thought of that. I used to get to it through My Computer.

I think I solved the problem today. I did some digging in the undergrowth on My Computer and found a lot of chopped off tentacles from the Real Player I deleted a month ago. Some of them were attached to the CD player and the video functions. I deleted them,too.

Icky Windows and it's messyness. Horribly untidy OS.

-Spike A.

Amy the ant. I feel I am swimming in a sea of words, with nothing making sense. If you read the welcome page they tell you this is nothing to do with the Hitchhikers guide etc. Well apart from one other person who first contacted me, and one long discourse on Australian Politics. I have yet to find anything normal and no one has remarked on anything that I have put on, and why on my space is there a top place and an edit page, no one edits me. Admittedly I am elderly but I manage everything else, except this H2G2 business so I say yes, have some sort of thing for newcomers. Because if it is all nonsense talk, I for one wont bother much longer.

You're doing ok, Marj. You have joined in lots of conversations and there are five threads in your message centre. Also, you have written a few words in your space.

However, your internal model of how 'Entries' work needs a bit of adjustment. I'll come across to your place and help you out.

That's what Gurus are for.



Amy the (Guru) Ant

Okay, let's flop this thing back to the top!

Is there any hope?

Any progress?

Any clue?

I dont think it is a mater of weather a newbies can use a PC or not,it is just a matter of getting there home page activated,I am not new to PCs but I will not sit reading a page of ink if I can help it,
There is a lot of newbies that want to join in,I can tell by the way they post to conversations, instead of all that writing on there home page,can it not say something like "PRESS THE EDIT BUTTON"
OK maby not just like that but, something just as streat forward


manda

what about automatic popups when registering that go

1)press the edit button

2)click on one of these (list of smilies)





puts clicked on smiley on page, everyone happy.

FABT

Hi there, on the 'DNA Features Ideas' list (on the spanking new DNA site, The Hub - see Announcements page if you haven't seen this already!) the following feature idea has been recommended.

Automatic Introduction - Consider the merits of automatically adding a blank Introduction to Personal Spaces, so newbies can be Ace'd straight away.

Hope this helps.

Oh, and here's the link for the Hub's Feature Ideas page A650774.

Much appreciated.

So Happy Together!