h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We are not 'players', we are actors!

Oh no you're not... (ahem, sorry.)

Oh yes we are!...but enough of this. I have to rush off and get Cinders ready for the ball. Pumpkins are so hard to get at this time of the year. Do you think a melon would do?

It would be a shame if you had to settle for a small unripe lemon. By the way, there's something I need to tell you... "He's behind you!"

Well, slap my thighs! I think it's time for a song ...

Hold on a mo - I'm still trying to figure out why I'm dressed up as a large woman with hideous make-up!

Possible reasons (please choose one):

1. It's a career choice
2. You're really Pat Butcher from Eastenders

I don't know which choice is less scary. Isn't there a third option?

Well panto season is well-over so it can't be that....

Oh no it's not! (oh deary deary me!) At least I wasn't the one who was just about to break out into the song, and I *never* asked for any audience participation!

If it wasn't for audience participation then it wouldn't be panto. It makes proper acting difficult though cos you keep playing to the audience instead of pretending their not there!

But of course, if peoper acting is bad enough, then the audience like to participate anyway! It's just that panto ensures that the participation is good humoured... most of the time!

You obviously didn't see the panto's I've been in!

Ok... so tell me about the pantomimes you've been in? I've been in a school play or two (I think playing a fish in Peter Pan was about the high point of my acting experience to date).

The first panto I started as chorus but a few months later the director walked out so I took over (I was nasty and everyone hated me until it was all over but apparently that's wuite common with director's)

The second, I thought sod this for a game of soldiers I want to be a luvvie so I played the FQ. That was a good year and the audience was fine.

The third waas a bit of a disaster. I decided to be in the chorus so I wouldn't have so much to do but we ran out of chorus so I had to treble up. Therefore I was on stage practically the whole time. The director hated Panto's because she didn't think they were proper theatre and didn't like audience participation. She also made the songs a bit high-brow and the cast didn't know them let alone the audience. Panto audience's get a bit bored if they can't join in and as it was held in the LT at work we could see their faces. I couldn't raise a smile from one of them and we rushed the last act just to get it over with.

I don't understand why people are so derogatory about Pantos? I've seen more people laugh and smile coming out of our pantos than out of multi-million $ comedies at the cinema. It's a godd tradition and we should be proud of it !

That should have been "good " tradition by the way. I wasn't trying to claim that panto is a religious experience!

But what do you think of the tradition of getting so called celebs (and in many cases you're hard pushed to recall where you've seen them before, or if in fact you've ever seen them!). You said you did a pantomime at work? Well, I don't know what you do for a living, but where I work, most days turn into a bit of a pantomime!

Sounds like the director of the third one, didn't really get it. And if you don't like them, what's the attraction of being the director. How can you do a panto without audience participatio! That's what it's all about. Btw, what's the "LT" at work? And you can call me dim, but what's the FQ? I know it's late, but are you trying to confuse me.

No, I just obviously skipped part of the plot. The LT is the lecture theatre and the FQ (pronounced Fuh-queue) is the fairy queen, the alternative to the fairy godmother who makes everything come right in the end.

Ah! everything is suddenly clear! And there I was last night, awake, going through all the places at work that could be abreviated LT and that you could hold a pantomime in! The only place I could come up with was the "Ladies Toilet" and I don't think you could have a panto in there... could you? Obviously I wouldn't know!

Well the tiled walls would give it good acoustics - after all we all sound better when we sing in the bathroom! I was going to say that we wouldn't be able to fit many of the audience in but with all the redundancies & relocations the numbers of audience have fallen so we'd probably have room. I'll suggest the idea at the next production meeting. So what were your school plays ?