h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd better go and deliver it now

I gotta send a telegram. *red eyes glow*
To Quorthon in Perth. Hes a researcher, but he's not here.
That's in Australia.
This is the message:

You been hacked. Kill hotmail account. You will be avenged.

You got that?

I need to send a telegram to the boys at Crater Labs. Please send it to the bottom of this thread: http://www.h2g2.com/F32669?thread=66760 Heard about ambush STOP Can't get past force field STOP Need project status STOP Did you have to... STOP ...working on my order? STOP Ummmm, I can pay you in merchandise from my store as soon as it opens. Is that acceptable?

Please identify Quorthon's user number. Is it U96026 or U72247 or a different number? If it is U72247 then no telegram can be received at this time.
Thank you for visiting the Telegraph Office.

Telegraph on its way.

.... . .- .-. -.. / .- -... --- ..- - / .- -- -... ..- ... .... /
-.-. .- -. .----. - / --. . - / .--. .- ... - / ..-. --- .-. -.-. . / ..-. .. . .-.. -.. /
-. . . -.. / .--. .-. --- .--- . -.-. - / ... - .- - ..- ... /
-.. .. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / - --- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- /
.-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-- --- .-. -.- .. -. --. / --- -. / -- -.-- / --- .-. -.. . .-. ..--..

That is 19 words. Payment will be 19 items of good value, quality merchandise from your store will be acceptable. The usual credit terms apply*

Thank you for visiting the telegraph office.

*credit terms - remember what my pet is

Much obliged.

Hmmmm... now would the pet be the BIG fluffy feline type that resides at the F&F? I know Kitty lives there, not completely sure who holds title to it.

BTW, Lintilla brought those 66 cakes over to the Aroma Cafe. I quite enjoyed sampling them.

Kitty? oh yes, he quite considers himself to have adopted me... very protective too. I think it must be the special cake I bake just for him. Glad you enjoyed the cakes I made for Lintilla.

*eyes glow red and tail lashes*
You didn't send my telegram yet? Owner buddy is the 96 one. Who the other?
*drops uncut blue diamond on desk* Pay you with this.

-.-- --- ..- / -... . . -. / .... .- -.-. -.- . -.. .-.-.- /
-.- .. .-.. .-.. / .... --- - -- .- .. .-.. / .- -.-. -.-. --- ..- -. - .-.-.- /
-.-- --- ..- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / .- ...- . -. --. . -.. .-.-.-

The telegram has been sent.
That will be 10 words.
*eyes diamond*
We're paid per word.

heh heh heh *really angry* You want 10 diamonds for telegram? I'll settle with the owner. I leave diamond here. How many words you think a diamond is worth?
Greedy!

*scampers out*

Sorry to bother you. I need to send ®ndr a telegram. HuH? STOP I
haven't used morse, or any code in years STOP say agin STOP ...that's it for this one, would you take a nice 1/4 ct champagne diamond for your trouble? There was only one left over after having the two matched bracelets made. Lovely isn't it? I thought someone who likes diamonds (alot) should have it! Enjoy! Bye for now...

Er, hi Pandora, I'm erm staffing the Telegraph Office... do you really want to use morse code to send your message?
.... ..- .... ..--.. /
.. / .... .- ...- . -. .----. - / ..- ... . -.. / -- --- .-. ... . --..-- / --- .-. / .- -. -.-- / -.-. --- -.. . / .. -. / -.-- . .- .-. ... /
... .- -.-- / .- --. .. -.

Oh, by the way, if it is referring to the message higher up that I tapped out straight without putting into roman script... I sent it to your "space" so you should find the translation there.

®ndr, if it's just between the two of us, please save me the trouble & E me! I've been fighting a migraine for days now & have no way to de-code anything...with these flippn' flashing green lines in my eyes! And no, my post was it's been years since I've done code(s)...English
only please. My French is awful, my Spanish needs work & my Hungarian hasn't been used in a long time! (Forget the Latin altogether, just as I did following the last test ) Thank you for your understanding!

I refer you to http://www.h2g2.com/F35772?thread=67149&latest=1 where I posted the translation immediately after sending the telegram

*slips her head into the cozy room*
Ændr, would you mind maning the key a bit longer? I have some unexpected business I must attend to, and I'm not sure when I'll be back. You've been doing wonderfully! It' nice to know I have someone to leave the key to. Sorry to throw this on you!
*dissapears out of the hotel again*

®ndr, right then, message received! Thanks ever so much! E you later!

Lintilla, I can only do evenings and weekends and I'm ill at the moment, the service may be interrupted slightly. I wanted to check with you about our pricing policy too (see above)
Pandora, I'm not 100% well - can Kitty stay a bit longer?

I thought he was with YOU!!! I've been pacing the floor worried sick!
Then I hear all the kitties in the garage start calling out & in reply a ROAR louder that the thunder! Kitty seem to have taken a deture to the Blue Hole again! He loves those caves & that icey water!
Good thing I got a fresh truck load of dolphin milk this morning! He's
having a go at it right now. Then I'm going to comb him out & put the mat down in my bedroom for him! He's making sport of my dog's fear of the storm! What a lion! Kitty & I both hope you're feeling well very soon! And Kitty may as well stay until you're back from camp. We've been talking about several places he wants to go. He's agreed to let me borrow the neighbors air conditioned double horse trailor for him to ride in. And I've promised I'd e-mail you for him! Oh but he's a love!!! Get well quickly! XOX Pan & Kitty mrrr Rrrr Mrr Rmrr!!!

*reads backlog thoughtfully* huh, hat lady is sick.

I want to talk to Lintilla and sort out telegram payment.
*grooms while waiting*