h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ladies, step through the doorway from the dark seedy disco and enter the Ladies Loo. An area where the boys can't go and listen to your conversations.

There is a little reception room with a couple of comfy sofas so you can sit and wait for your friends who are struggling with their undergarments. Vases of fresh flowers all around freshen the air and a bowl on the side has all those essential items in it: a small sewing kit, disposable toothbrushes and paste (in case you get lucky!) replacement tights in case of ladders and a few nice bottles of perfume.

Through a further doorway is a sparkly, shining testament to the power of Flash! The toilet stalls! This part of the room is and will grow to whatever size necessary so no-one ever has to queue! If 5 girlies need the loo, then there will be 5 empty stalls, each one sanitised to perfection!

Mirrors there are all over the walls, at every height, so you don't need to stand on a chair to see what your shoes look like! The sinks don't splash, there is always enough soap and a little woman hands out fresh fluffy towels to dry your hands on!

So when you need a bit of quiet time away from the rabble, let us retire here to powder our noses!

When are they doing up the blokes bogs then???

I shall use words of one syllable cos you're obviously to thick to understand "No boys allowed"

P**s O**!!!!

oooh this is nice

*steps out of one of the cubicles*

sorry Deaks, the toilets are uni-sex until the boys toilets get done up like these ones.

get out of here you violence obsessed male!

These have not been done up! These loos are the way they always have been and always will be cos we look after them!

Now, your loos were designed to the same standard. If you want to piss all over the floor and vomit in the corner, then that's your problem, but get the hell outta here and STAY OUT!!!

*sets a barrier in place that detects ovaries*

If you don't have them, then the barrier won't let you through and will fry your bollix!!!

Lets see if this lot will beat the barrier!!!

D? Ovaries are the bits inside a girl that produce eggs! Eggs do not have ovaries. And you don't have any bollix now, either!

*phones ambulance for DDD to get his nether regions cauterised*

Ah, but the scanning algorithm for the barrier checks for eggs, so ner!!!

*shouts through Morty's spy hole*

i am not violence obsessed! i want peace and harmony man! and you girls are just being confrontational and aggressive.

hate crime!

<>

Scuse me, but I made the barrier and it has no scanning algorithms cos that's a bloke thing! It can tell you have no ovaries by and I've added one to the gents as well that checks for bollix.

Since your bollix have now been fried, you cannot get in either the ladies or the gents and so are gonna have to piss in that bucket out in the alley.


*crosses arms and puts a "don't mess with me. buster" look on her face*

Women and PMT!! You just cant win, can you???

How many times do you have to be told

PMT does not exist ALRIGHT!

*through Morty's peep hole again*

Spit! i do not have an ASBO.



you're mean.

*rolls a large rock that puny Spit and Deaks won't be able to move in front of the doo*

fine! you two stay in there.

*s an identical new ladies loo for the other girls and camoflage for this old one.*

far too clean!!