h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sail a boat around our course – first one back is the winner!

<BB<

Yachting, at last my speciality sport. Drags canoe to the beach and heads for the group of large vessels waiting off-shore. FS is forced to paddle with his hands due to the shattered paddle, but this is for the Gold! No hardship shall stop me.
I spot a good candidate for my quest, a handsome yacht sporting a jaunty flag with three lions flying from her mast-head. As I reach the top of the ladder a serious young man wearing a starched and pressed uniform asks me if Her Majesty is expecting me.
I, of course, answer no, and add "Please don't bother her now as I am quite sure she is very busy with her letters and affairs of state stuff." Puzzled the young man shuffles away.

I find a deck chair near the fantail and begin to watch the silly people on the little boats with the tall sticks pulling on ropes and bits of white cloth. Just as the tension rises a steward arrives and I order a .
The people on the little boats have all managed to pull their bits of cloth up the poles and begin to move toward another large boat in front of them.
Just before they reach the big boat some fool fires a cannon at them! Incredibly he misses them all and they sail away as fast as possible.

While wondering if any of them will be brave enough to return I tell the steward to bring me a moist .

Yes this is my kind of sport! Scans the shoreline and mutters to himself "For some reason I thought their would be cows here."

FS

Peanut is in one of those little boats, she has no idea how to sail but she had managed to put her big cloth up when someone fires a ruddy great cannon in the directions of the boats

Peanut hit the deck, and covered her ears and closed her eyes, convinced at this point everyone is going to be blown out the water because they have somehow, innocently, breached security in someway

after a few minutes, she pokes her head up, only to see that everyone else has run away

*gets out mobile gadget and hopes that one of those big ships has an unsecured network so she look up guide entry on how to sail*

finally connection well dodgey, I seem have drifted a bit, well quite a lot, *wonders if she is now in international waters*

anyway I seem have a connection to HMS something or other that is holding up reasonably well

I seem to be steering, hopefully out of international waters and towards the coast line

I have got myself back to the starting bouy, I think , its pitch bloody dark and I need to pee (again), no, nobody put that in the destructions did they?

Before the little boats return my friendly steward announces that luncheon is being served in the main salon. Realising that small talk with the invited guests could raise a few embarrassing questions, FS slips down a side passage. "Borrowing" a paddle from one of the life-rafts, he climbs down the accommodation ladder and retrieves his canoe. While paddling back to the beach he notices the crown and broad arrow symbols burned into the paddle's handle.

Tries not to notice Peanut in the bushes as he carries the canoe up the bank.

All in all a good day of yachting

FS

*notices that FS paddle has 'property of her maj' written on it *

Trudges up the path muttering to herself, 'yachting' (inaudiable words) for a game of soliders, and that (inaudible again) warship, no consideration of other sea farers'