h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Beginning of the End - A3581624
Author: Flameofgold - U645857

A short story - Life sometimes has a funny way of showing us things.

I think that's a lovely story Flame! I started it thinking...oh here we go another depression story, great....and then it unfolded like a beautiful flower and...oh well you've rather made my afternoon now! Thank you for that.

Would you like me to check it for spelling and grammar or would you prefer not?

Kat

Hi Kat Thanks very much for your review. I'm glad it made your day. Please, I'd be more than happy for you to check it out, or to add any further suggestions or comments.

Thanks for the offer. Much appreciated.

Flame

Heeerrreee we go! I've been very picky but that's because I work in Peer Review a lot. Don't be daunted by the large amount of text They're all very small things.


fella>>actually I'm not sure what to do with this...I feel compelled to put an apostrophe somewhere like fella' but that's not right

I was longing to hear. >> needs a question mark instead of a full stop.

“You know this part of the river is a haven for plants and wildlife.” “If you’re lucky, you might even catch the sound of the bittern, the bird that nests among the reeds. Ever heard one of those old fellows calling,”

Coo, a surfeit of speech marks here! You need to get rid of the ones in the middle. wildlife.” “If you’re

Ever heard one of those old fellows calling,” he asked curiously?
>>
Ever heard one of those old fellows calling?" he asked curiously.

Eventually, I sat up the bed,>> Eventually I sat up in bed,
Also in this sentence you've used 'eventually' twice...it's just a bit of readability.

“Did you tell anyone,” I asked?
"Did you tell anyone?" I asked.

god rest her soul>>Capital G because it's a name.

face colour, like he knew every >>The SIN of the average person you can't say like!!! It's 'as if'.

talked about, the oceans >>I think a full stop would be better here...although I could be very wrong.

than the reality.”
“Eventually, I felt it...

You don't need a " at the end of the paragraph because he's carrying on speaking straight away. You do need the one at the start of the new paragraph though. It's just an odd thing.

the dull ache of loneliness?
Need speech marks to end that.

As I listened to her voice, I thought
Need speech marks to start the paragraph.


Hope that might help a bit.

Kath

Very nice piece, Flame.

This style of making a philosophical point through a domestic dicourse comes naturally to you. There's not much to criticise here, apart from (IMHO anyway) a slightly clunky title and a first sentence that's probably a little too downbeat for the eventual target audience.

The piece has good balance too. It's a good length, and it deveelops at the right pace. Do you edit to get this right, I wonder, or does it just come out that way via the story-development in your head? If it's the latter, I'm jealous!

Thank you for that.

You have such a candid, translucent style. The narrative sort of takes you by the hand and "leads you through the streets of london", if you take my meaning.

Once again, thank you for another, powerful read.

Yours,

Discus

Hello Discus,

Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it.

Flame