h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just read your story and wanted to share some of my thoughts.

The line “like the empty pages of a book….” is vary strong but I don’t know if “empty” is the best way to describe the pages. Something to suggest their banality or lack of interest to the reader may be better.

The line in the same paragraph about the fibers of your being “screaming otherwise” is probably the weakest part of the narrative. I can’t really say if it should be removed completely or just reworked but it should defiantly be dealt with.

Now on to my third point: the paragraph when the old man comments on the similarities between the river and people is with out question the strongest moment in the narrative. While it logically should be where it is you might want to reference it again at the end as this is the enduring and most profound revelation in the story.

Hope this helped in some way or another. I would like to say that I like the story and my comments are meant only to suggest possible ways to improve it and not to take said criticisms as any sort of personal attack

Voon

Hello Voon, Thanks for popping over to my space and for leaving your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for your suggestions. It's always good to get feedback. Feel free to pop over anytime.

Cheers,

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