h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Coffeehouses don’t employ bartenders! They have waiters!

well maybe that's because i don't make a habit of going to coffee houses, my faith lies elsewhere,

like in airports and zoo's

Airports and zoos have coffeehouses as well, so that’s no excuse!

ok then, the moon.
heh heh heh,

You see a large sign in the corner. It reads "The Coffee House is Self Service - please collect your and various other food and drink from the counter".

Well, that’s a crap coffeehouse then. Can’t we employ a waiter?

Ok then...

ooooo. can i be deputy assistant waiter 3rd class.

Why not?

great, what_is_life codename-daw3c

Waiters don't traditionally have codenames...

The waiters have to wear suits! We want a classic coffeehouse, don’t we?

Yep

And we don’t serve in paper cups, cause paper cups are disgusting! It destroys the nice flavor of ...

We have proper mugs and cups which we keep reasonably warm.

This is becoming more and more the perfect coffeehouse!
What about a piano? We could invite pianists to play for us now and then!

*looks over in corner where piano has mysteriously appeared*

aw, if only i didn't give up piano many years ago.
this isn't my job anymore.