h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the major gives the order to cease fire and walks over to Major AkronU*

*salutes*

Major. Good to see you again, how's the trigger finger?

*arches eyebrows*

Only one way to find out.

*steps over to one of the shooting carrols and puts on his eyes and ears*

shooter on the line!

*draws his sidearm and shoots a decent cluster not much bigger than a plum*

*smiles*

Nice work Major, we might just make a soldier out of you.

*goes and picks up a bag from the corner and takes it over*

In here we got a camera, provisions for two days, three smoke grenades, three hand grenades, a knife, a survival kit and a side arm. However you seem proficient with your own gun, I won't be offended if you prefer to take that.

*walks to the corner again*

I assume your competent with everything in the bag.

*walks back over with a staff weapon in each hand*

But what about these?

*smiles*

They trained us with almost every type of weapons when I was a PJ. But as for this *takes the staff weapon* I've never even SEEN one before.

*hands it back to Major Fretts*

*the Major turns it over in his hands*

A weapon of Goa'uld design, its head divides into four parts when activated, releasing powerful bolts of plasma energy. The weapon is powered by a small container of liquid naquadah. It is generally considered to be a weapon of terror, since its ability to accurately target a moving object, let alone a motionless one is...unreliable. Be that as it may Major, it may be the only weapon you have available to you. I suggest you familiarise yourself with it, perhaps fire off a couple of shots at the targets,

*hands it back*

Since you put it that way.

*turns weapon over in his hands pointing the business end downrange*

Do I just push....

*the weapon discharges into the ground well short of the target*

Yeah, something like that.

*points*

Targets over there.

*walks into the practise range and stands behind the other two*

*aims the staff and braces it*

let's try again

*fires a blow that clips the knee of the target*

Dangit

*fires a few more times*

I think I've got the hang of this

*hands the weapons back*

But I wouldn't want to use it except in an emergency

~~wasn't there something smaller~~

Major, wasn't there a handheld version of this beast?

Yes Major, this is the zat'ni'katel.

*takes the staff and hands over the Zat*

A handheld Goa'uld weapon, formed in the shape of a coiled serpent. The zat'ni'katel was nicknamed "zat gun" by Colonel O'Neill. The zat uses a different form of energy, less powerful than that of a staff weapon. One shot will usually render a victim unconscious. Two shots will kill most subjects. Three shots disintegrates them. More practial than a staff. But not butch enough for the jaffa.

Give it a try.

*turns downrange*

This seems a little more manageable

*fires off a dozen shots downrange doing a good job of hitting the target*

Well, my ex always told me size doesn't matter.

*Limps in*

Evening guys, any chance of joining in

Of course Colonel, just putting Major AkronU through Go'auld weaponary 101.

So I see

*Picks up a staff weapon*

Ok guys stand well back as I'm still not up to speed with these things

*Fires the weapon and staggers a little*

Hand on a second Ma'am.

*the major goes and puts a helmet on*

Good shooting Ma'am.

Oh ha ha

*Points the staff weapon at Bubba's genitalia*

I'm better with closer objects

**

*jumps backwards throwing his hands in the air*

whoa

**

*Turns the Staff weapon around and fires at the target*

He he he

Sorry lads but the look on your face was worth it

Hmmn. Well now that 'my symbiote' is out of the firing line...

*the major winks towards the Colonel, not solely for her benefit though, also to tell the two comandos behind her to stand down*

...it may be time to head down to the gate room. Major AkronU are you more comfortable with Go'auld armaments?

*Watches the guards move*

How about letting me lose with a Zat