h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I found I have got superpowers
that were gained through sneezing.
I began creating trees and flowers
even though the weather was freezing.

I gained these superpowers by blowing my nose
from coughing and from drinking coffee.
I also gained them by washing my clothes
and from eating chocolate covered toffee.

These superpowers were very contagious
as everyone in the Zero 5 club got them.
It was a great benefit and advantageous
as it gave them fantastic outcomes.

Then it became extremely virulent
as it was transmitted through MS Teams.
It ended all their torments
through their thoughts and dreams.

Members of the ANS Ambassadors
and the Care and Share group.
Could teleport and speedrun to the Azores
and fly to the stratosphere to do the loop the loop.

Everyone living in the Peabody flats
was infected by the superhuman virus.
Whenever they wore their hoods and hats
or saw trees, shrubs and a lone iris.

It also was transmuted on h2g2
and on Mark, Gavin's and Brian's YouTube channels.
Whenever they had a fondue or a new hair-do
or receiving a farewell or when they hear their door bell.

I love feeling grumpy
whenever I am jumpy.
I like having a moan
on the phone with Joan.
I love to whinge
about my hairstyle fringe.
I get moody
about wearing my hoodie.
I love to whine
about frankfurters soaked in brine.

I am lost in Outer Mongolia
in the Back of Beyond.
Everything is coloured in Magnolia
around the village duck pond.
It is in the Middle of Nowhere
out in the Sticks.
There is the Town Mayor who's a bear
who can do all sorts of magic tricks.

I am lost!
But I know where I am!
I'm here!
Ask me where is here! I can't answer!
If I move from here to there!
I still can't answer!
But wherever I am!
I'm still where I am!

I have lost myself
during a teamwork seminar
I was informed that it would improve my health
and by eating caviar at a restaurant bar.

I have now found myself
and discovered who I really am.
By reading books from the shelf
about the journey of Abram.

Life gets me higher
whenever I meet up with the country squire.
He is friends with the Franciscan Friar
and the Dominican Prior.

I can show you how to make a gateau
in my Scottish country chateau.
I can make it snow and make it glow
whenever it flows over the hills and meadow.

I can wake up the planet, our planet Earth.
Instructed by dear Janet, using her wit and mirth.
Join up with the warp drive set in the city of Perth
I try not to fret when being shown my berth.

Sun, is like a fire.
The sun inspires singers to join a choir.
It inspires gardeners to grow rose briar.
It inspires those from Devonshire to Ayrshire.

Carry on, don't be gone.
I promise not to eat another prawn.
I will welcome the fawn and the swan
to my garden lawn.

Bring me out of my sweet home.
Along with my garden gnome.
I have made a jewelled comb
and a library filled with tomes.

Got to know me and got to show me.
And I will know how to plant an oak tree.
living by a river or by the sea will make me carefree.
I will go to a tea shop where I will have afternoon tea.

I am stuck in a truck
with a duck covered in muck.
I am stuck on repeat
when thinking about Crete,
whilst pickling purple beet
with members of the Greek elite.

Oh, my love I cannot make sense of the season's fashion.
I hope the clothes are made with care, love and compassion.
Deeply dippy about the walk you walk around the neighbourhood block.
So could you help me find my lost sock and I'll give you a nice frock?

Deep dippy I'll be your Barry Allen who's the super speedster
and you'll be my Ivy West and my Lightning Rod.
It won't matter if the weather is cold when there is a North Easter
as you're a member of the superhero squad.

Oh, my love I cannot make sense of the season's fashion.
I hope the clothes are made with care, love and compassion.
Deeply dippy about the you walk around the neighbourhood block.
So could you help me find my lost sock and I'll give you a nice frock?

Deep dippy I'll be your Barry Allen who's the super speedster
and you'll be my Ivy West and my Lightning Rod.
It won't matter if the weather is cold when there is a North Easter
as you're a member of the superhero squad.

There once was a man who liked drinking.
He was caught deeply thinking.
It was quite creative,
But not designate of,
He couldn't say no to winking

She was the light of my life!
Alas though! It was not true love.
So her battery ran down and she ran out of me.
But! It was her loss, because I have my own battery charger so MY life moves on!

Wink if your favourite colour is pink.
Wink if you want to dance on the ice rink.
Wink if you want to lip sync with an Euroasian mink.
Wink if you want to have a nice ice cold drink.
Wink if you want to have a deep think.
Wink if you want to use stinky ink.

I am singing another boring romantic ballad.
I am singing another sentimental love song.
I am clad in plaid whenever I'm in my luxury pad.
I will be playing a game of backgammon and mahjong.

It will be about a romance in France with a man called Lance.
It is where he took a stance to take a chance of being in a trance.
We will begin to dance and prance as we visit the vicar in her manse.
We will learn how to improve and enhance our current finances.