h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A hologram appears of the Professor Christopher Tonks onboard his vessel, the Space Station Big C.*
*It speaks...*

Is this the right place to send this? I was sent here my someone named Minty. Is he or she here anywhere?

Minty is currently in a sphere in the initiations forum...If you wish to become a member please inquire there (http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F39392?thread=102463&latest=1)

Well...things is, I'm not sure what Minty wanted. (S)he said something about me possibly being bored of Alabaster House, and coming to talk to her/him here. I guess I'll wait so we can talk...

ahh, ok, well I checked and she's out of her sphere there...

What is this sphere thingy? Part of some initiation ceremony I'm not allowed to know about, no doubt.

Oh, no Professor. You're allowed to know about it. As one of the parts of the initiation ceremony/hazing/sadistic torture, initiates must enter a giant sphere, where they will roll around a pit for three days. Other spheres are also rolling, one of which contains a small thermonuclear device. Should they servive this (and the hippo droids that my well-established members occasionally use), they will attempt to find a needle in a field of haystacks within an hour.

Nothing to strenuous, of course, and certainly nothing that you couldn't handle, Professor. You know, we could be mutually beneficial towords each other. Sure we've had our bitter words in the past (you resulting to racial slurs whenever my name is mentioned, and me being the head honcho villain of the entire hitchhiking world), but those could be forgiven and forgotten in the interests of interesting plot devices and new doors to technology.

I happen to know that Afgncaap5 is, at this very moment in an adventure at CLI, on his way to creating a weapon that, if completed, would beyond a shadow of a doubt make him the most powerful figure in all of h2g2, next to the mods, the towers, the BBC, and Douglas Adams. I know that, even with the mutual understanding the two of us have had in the past, the delirious do-gooder would never let me near it, for he believes that I would sacrifice an interesting story line for power. But you, on the other hand, would not be immiscible in a plan to aquire the devious weapon.

I know the holistic detective too well. He has good intentions, better than mine to be sure. But I know his kind. He will attempt, at first, to use this power for good. But as time passes, he will become corrupt and vile, and continuity will become a laughable memory of the past.

For the common good, Professor, this new weapon must be destroyed. Would you aid in this mission to save the dungeon master from himself?

Ah, KL. We meet again, eh? Sorry about the racial slurs, but well, you know how it is...

Affy's inventing another weapon, is he? It most probably won't beat me, but as I've mentioned elsewhere, I'm keeping my Space Between Dimensions stuff out of h2g2 as it is too powerful.

Indeed, if he is to use this for evil eventually, he must be stopped, as long as it is indeed saving himself in the process. Yes, I'm sure we could come to some arrangement...

About the racial slurs, no I don't know how it is, seeing as I always seem to be on the receiving end of them.

But putting that all behind us, I must come out and blatantly say this: with or without your precious space between dimensions, professor, you would be no match for this new weapon. If Afgncaap5 is allowed to continue his development of this project of his at all, the results would be....similar to the most likely results had Gandalf the Grey attempted to use the One Ring for good. There are some temptations that are just so easy to give in to that few people can withstand them. I would like to think that Affy is morally strong enough that he could withstand the temptation, but there are some risks that I am just not willing to face.

I can give you the specs of the operation, and will. But only if you follow my one demand: when you get your hands on whatever the most recent version of Affy's new toy is, destroy it. Don't even bother to take the time to look for it, just destroy it with extreme prejudice.

Hmm...very well I suppose. I shudder at the thought of what Affy could do, judging by your example of Gandalf and the Ring - not good.

However, what do I get out of it? I could just as well leave h2g2 to its apparent doom, and leave to another reality...

*Minos blinks*

Professor, you will be getting the exact same thing that Afgncaap5 and Garius Lupus get whenever they stop me. I'm counting on you to do this because it is the right thing, not because there's some kind of reward involved.

But if you need something out of it, fine. Go to some other reality. I'll find some other way to prevent the harm that may come from too many good intentions. I hope.

Hmm...I'll think about it.
The GalaGroup Elections take place on the 15th of July, and I have to go there in advance to prepare for them.

*Ponders...*

imagine the posters you could create.... Professor Saves the Universe.....Vote your savior, Prof. Tonks President.....and not to mention your poll ratings, you'd be through the roof! How could you pass up an opportunity like this?!?!?!?

Good God! What a marvellous idea!!

I'll do it! How can h2g2 refuse me as Island Overseer when the next Elections come round!?

*Note: the Professor fails to realise that if the public were to find out he worked with/for the Krylma Leader, he would be a very unpopular guy...*

[Y2K] KL, you're the ONLY guy I can think of who could convince Chris here to work FOR you.

Hm, still:



"In an infinite Universe, anything, even the great Professor C. Tonks working for Minos Krylma, is possible."

</Quote>

It'd take an awful lot of swaying though. And my mind cannot be contolled by anyone but myself.

[Y2K] Hmm ... taking over one's own mind ... that's an interesting premise.

Self mind control is not out of the question. A brilliant Archmage by the name of Pug once used the same trick, as a way to make it more difficult for a Demon Prince to possess him.

In any event Professor, know that I will not control publicity over the mission in question. Everything on h2g2 is readable, and you know how nosy those investigators can be around election time.

Now, Professor, keep in mind that you have the option to bail at any time. Your reputation may need it at some point.

Now, hurry to CLI. Go to the conversation "CD Analysis." Destroy the CD being analyzed before the information can be transfered to the main CLI computer. When that happens, you'll know what to do.

Very well then. As long as I can run once my job is done.

*Heads of to the other thread...*

Have fun, Professor. You may attempt to run, but if I know CLI security, they'll not let anything out of the Crater.

*Runs back after having already posted in the other thread...*

Don't worry - this is one time where my Space Between Dimensions may just come in handy...

*Runs back...*