h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I'm verbally rather fast and sharp, but the last few years I rapidly became older (57) and I even stutter regularly and get a dry mouth, so I've always chewing gum in my mouth when I'm outdoors and also have a mineral water bottle with me.
Cause I'm not only getting old, but also more integrated with myself, including the severely damaged parts of my emotional world.

I'm living in my studio in a complex for mainly students.
One of them lives his way of "young and bulky". Very spoiled also by his parents as he is their only child.

After a year I confronted him with his behavior that I could not accept.
In the conversation I discovered how fast and smart he is in verbal fights. Almost as I was in better days.(son of a lawyer..)

So I discovered I did not have many options. I just managed to keep in balance in that first confrontation.
After that he also got a girlfriend who lives in his apartment.

The second confrontation was far more difficult for me.
Both went outside and were walking around me while being furious.
I forgot the option to stand against a wall in such circumstances.(have been a social worker for a long time)and I became really tired so putting an end to it all was up to them and not me.

Afterwards I realized I had done what I could do.
I also realized that I used an old and unique "button" in my "soul",
by which I can exclude any emotions, during that conversation.

A third confrontation was different, because I want to use that "button" only to the absolute minimum, because by using it I put a part of myself aside, and that's against all my aims in personal growth.
So this time I was more handicapped during talking than the conflicts before. But it felt O.K. because I choose to back myself instead of putting a part of myself aside. But it was a risky operation.

The last discussion I used some skills from the profession of social work and told him, he was talking to me exactly as he was standing in front of me.
Suddenly a very short brake in his mind, but immediately after that he just went on.

Well; I do realize he has more energy as I have. He is almost as fast in verbal contact as I am, although he just says whatever comes up in his mind without any truth or meaningful words.

I also do realize that his girlfriend from the very beginning has been trying to make her own problems into mine. It's a clear example of projection.

And I also realize that two against one makes me very weak.

So my conclusion is; no more discussions about what has been discussed; so leaving these aims I had.
Also I concluded I want to avoid them when it is possible. That's to me being "realistic". Knowing my limits. But there's a far more important element; I want to stick together with myself.
I want to fully back myself and there fore I want to take my limits very seriously.
I do not want to walk straight over myself just to "win" from the urchin.

I also have a one-liner in my mind for an unexpected confrontation.
I'll say words like; "no more discussions with you, because you try to "win" in stead of wanting to consult".

And at last; I have changed my behavior radically. So far I was the only one here around who always took care for the plants, cleaning the hall and street, consulting with the city department, etc. etc.
A huge effort, but to me very normal.

My lady next door = above me is about his age and she seems to be taking over the conflict by talking with her three female neighbors,
that's it's time we all should take care of our environment.

So suddenly there was a new bicycle pump and broom and other stuff in the barn. I had put all my stuff everyone always used to my studio in Belgium. Not in a way of provoking, but only to push the pressure for the other inhabitants.

Two months later I suddenly see in the hall, that she made a timetable for the whole community to clean the complete hall at all levels.

That is exactly what I wanted to achieve, because my very first confrontation was from a position that I am feeling far more responsible than the others do and that it made me very fragile.
That last element I had never realized before, but now I do.


So my neighbor next door has taken the initiative to consult all the other inhabitants to buy stuff and participate in the timetable.
I'm not part of it, but that’s not a negative signal. I still do a lot and she knows that. Sometimes by e-mail I ask her to do something on line to also show her that also there I still take my time and that the on-line city subjects are a real part of living here, in our apartments.
So after she-'s done her part I tell her that next time I'll do that again.

That's my story.

But the "conflict" with the couple (they just threw their Christmas tree out of the window in the street, etc.) is still sucking energy.
And I still feel rather in balance because I have not been fully beaten in a confrontation, although I only want to consult or nothing else.
It would really, really be hurt when I would have been knocked down by a fast and sharp remark from him.


Greetings from fragile Amsterdam