h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know, but the ringer gave its origins away by showing up at the cafe! And did't know what mbougatses were!!

Ammmmmmpton! Thank goodness. Ampton. Minoova has been taken over by an unknown and possibly hostile entity. Please make sure the securibots maintain a 24-hour vigil over that bot until Garius and Affi are able to examine her.
*Ampton nods and leaves*
She will have to be de-commissioned, I'm afraid.

Well, we'll just have to go back to serving ourselves (or each other)...

*heads for fridge, pouring herself a Y of champagne*

Anyone else want a Y?

*returning to sofa and research books*

I wish I could say that this was my idea, but ...


«S»

Well if you didn't do it, then who did?

I know the prime identity of the researcher, but I'm going to let him come in here and own up. I must say, he might have made an effort to study the background of his character before he took her on, so to speak!

It has nothing to do with the campaign. No opposition staff member would -ever- be so intrusive, I am certain. And in some ways the event is amusing. Nonetheless, I am taking pains to register all my other chattels and pets as researchers, and announcing that they are me.I'll supply their names and research ID's as soon as I go through the process of scraping up email accounts to go round. So I have lost Minoova as a name and as a bot, and I'll be half the afternoon taking these measures.

Because, for the very first time since I founded the atelier, I felt sort of vulnerable. We sure got lucky with Styx. Witty Moniker asked me a question on this whole matter, over on the Continuity page which I am going to answer at exacting length, and I'll invite others for their comments as soon as I finish the post!

Now.

Hallo Mr. Satan. Pleased to meet you and welcome to my salon. Can I get you champagne, tea, coffee?

*thinking Styx is doing very well indeed, fitting right in*

*soon absorbed by research books again, absentmindedly cuddling Springie*

Titania, now that I have registered Mindspring as an independent entity (http://www.h2g2.com/U147197 ) why don't you email me at [email protected] about integrating her more realistically into the dance? She does love you because you've always been good to her, and I know she would go along willingly...

*refills Titania's glass and gets one for herself*

Lil, hang on a while I take a look at Springie's own space...

BTW, this is what my horoscope said today:
"Sagittarius
The Sun is in Leo and the Moon is in Capricorn going into Aquarius. You'll need to have the facts at your fingertips. You're wise, fair and truthful. That's easy..."
I wonder why all these horoscopes always make you feel flattered, must be a reason...

Lil, it looks as if I double-mailed you

*fancy that, OK for double-posting at h2g2, but double-mailing?*

Not all horoscopes are wonderful. Here's mine for this week

GEMINI
You routine has been broken.
Bad habits have come roaring back.
A lack of faith, excess nerves, and your inherent dislike of any routine(no matter how beneficial) cause this.
Now you're peeved at yourself.
But being peeved at yourself seems to have sparked your creativity.
Gemini is at their most creative when behaving like crazed crack-addicted monkeys.
If you don't want to lose all of your friends, hide out under a large rock for a week or two.
OK, we'll admit that hiding under a large rock is difficult. Just do
whatever it takes to find the solitude necessary for serious creation

A week or two? What kind of advice is that?

So, Gemini, my younger brother is a Gemini...

Hang on, I'll check what my source says about Gemini

Quite a lot, obviously:

"Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Saturn's move into Gemini on August 9th makes headlines this month.

The Taskmaster's stay in Gemini will be brief — it will leave on October 16th — but will serve as an important preview of what is to come; next year, at the end of April, Saturn settles into Gemini for over two years.

Saturn rules heavy responsibility, maturity, roots, sacrifice, limits, tests, and stability — traits often acquired on the path to wisdom. What will this mean to you?

With Saturn moving over your Sun, you will soon feel an urge to commit to a big plan or an important relationship. That might mean a marriage, a baby, a big career move, a home or the start of a new business. You may now be impatient for tangible proof of the time and energy put into goals. No more treading water for twins. Saturn's angle in your chart incites eagerness and productivity. Expect to shape up firm goals immediately. You are on a mission!

Astrologers have made much of Saturn's restrictive effects, but don't despair. It is a very helpful planet that ensures progress by making us prove ourselves. This planet's ability to shape dreams into reality and whip people into shape is legendary. Rest assured: you'll work hard this month, but you won't suffer needlessly. While you toil, Saturn will help you overcome the obstacles in your path.

Saturn's tour around the Sun is slow — it takes almost 29 years to make a full revolution. Therefore, in one lifetime, we only experience two or possibly three visits from Saturn to our Sun. (Note: This is not the same as a Saturn return, where Saturn returns to the place it occupied at your birth, which happens around age 28 and again around age 56 — but it is similar in effect.)

Saturn teaches only what we NEED to know — some people need more advice from Saturn than others. If you are old enough, you might want to look back to the last time Saturn visited your Sun sign, the years between approximately mid-1971 and early 1974. Chances are, it was quite an important period for you as well.

To further examine Saturn's effects, let's look back to December 1985 through November 1988, the time when Saturn opposed your Sun sign. Again, I bet that was also a vital time for you, one that required great focus and determination to succeed. Saturn periods always wrangle up key events in one's life. Expect this to be a cornerstone month. If this is Saturn's second tour of your sign, it may prove to be much easier this time around. (More on this later.)

Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck, also happens to stop in Gemini in a rare twelve-year cycle. It has been in your sign since June 30 and is set to stay a full year, until July 12, 2001. This is a remarkable confluence of heavy-duty planetary influence. You'll have outstanding luck. Expect aid from authority figures during Jupiter's visit, so plan to make the most of these vibes. It is critical that you begin planting dream seeds immediately. Take a well-calculated risk and plan meetings with important people who can facilitate your progress. Because Gemini rules communication, you have favor in fields involving writing, teaching, lecturing, sales, or PR.

As a Gemini, you are good at making momentum work for you, but sometimes you find starting from ground zero daunting — not now. These days, nothing is beyond you. Take on the world, Twin. You will have the energy to revitalize any area of life. Endeavors that would have been intimidating a few years ago don't seem so scary anymore. Your positive attitude will seal your success, so don't let anyone tell you that you can't pull this off. Distance yourself from naysayers.

The next year will also prove to be vital romantically. Single Gemini have every reason to believe they are about to meet their soul mate. Jupiter conjoined with the Sun can make that happen. Remember, this transit happens once every twelve years, and your cycle began one month ago — you have eleven more months of sparkling aspects! Get out and circulate if you want to meet someone special.

After Saturn enters Gemini on August 10th, it will demand complete devotion in order to complete your plans. It should take about two years to reach your goal: Saturn will be conjoined with your Sun from August 10-October 16; after that, you get a six-month rest from "cosmic boot camp" until Saturn reconvenes with your Sun from April 20, 2001 until June 3, 2003. This latter time frame will prove to be the main period of Saturn's tests. Remember, Jupiter will only be in your sign from now to mid July 2001, and won't be back for a decade. Use this time. Get cracking on your big ideas. The good news is when Jupiter leaves, it will move into your 2nd sector of money, reaping profits from the seeds you plant now. You will do well so remain optimistic, dear Twin.

This could be a very demanding time. Give your goal an honest college try — Saturn doesn't permit any slacking, so this will be one of those times during which you can't get away with anything. No coasting. Saturn bestows rich rewards on those who put energy into a project — you can bank on that — but not until its tour in your sign is over (Saturn never rewards during the testing period). Expect a beautiful cosmic token of appreciation from Saturn three years from now, in mid-2003. In the meantime, be patient and confident in your undertaking, no matter how huge it may seem. I have watched hundreds of these cycles in the charts of people around me, and I can say for sure that generous rewards await. But you must deal forthrightly with whatever issues come your way. It is said that if you don't learn what Saturn hopes to teach you during its first go-round, you will have to revisit those issues when Saturn returns 29 years later. Most people find that the subsequent tour of Saturn is easier because they responded correctly during the first go-round.

You might sense that one of the downsides of a tour from Saturn is that it can be quite grueling. You will need more sleep. Saturn could put a heavier demand on your body for calcium, so you might want to increase your intake of yogurt, milk, and cheese. With all the work on the table, who has room for food? You might lose weight, an effect of Saturn's tour that many people enjoy. (However, Jupiter expands the body, and because you have BOTH influences operating right now, you might come out even for now and start losing from mid-2001 to mid-2003.) Those of you who are born on or near May 21st will feel Saturn's effects immediately, so watch your health this month. (In April 2001, as Saturn moves over the rest of Gemini birthdays, those of you born around May 21st will not feel Saturn's effects as much.) Also, there could be a prominent man in your life who is ill, overwhelmed, a little sad, lonely, or overworked. Be sensitive to that person.

This is a very potent and potentially volatile period. On top of all of the above, you will also feel the reverberations of July's eclipses. For you, financial considerations were extremely important at the July 1st and July 16th eclipses. With Jupiter so close to Saturn these days, this is clearly a superb opportunity to put your financial sector in order. If you need funding, a loan, or if you want to straighten out your credit rating or make a deal with the government about a past tax debt, you have an outstanding chance to do so now. But this trend is not only about fixing past monetary problems. It is also about earning more money. If you are starting a business or moving to a new job, play your cards right. You could make a fortune. As you read this you may have already received some good signs that this is true.

The eclipse in Leo on July 30th probably either launched a trip or brought a legal agreement to your attention. You may have had to file papers that were due in July's second half, or now in August. That last July eclipse fell in your 3rd sector, bringing favor to writing projects and other communication endeavors such as advertising, marketing, public relations, and promotion. All these areas still shine. (This sector rules close kin too, so your sibling or cousin may bring news.) Those of you born near May 29th felt the July 30th eclipse the most, and benefit from it most as well.

July may have seemed uneventful to some of you. Sometimes an eclipse will deliver its message a month to the day later, so pay special attention to events that occur on August 1st, 15th, and 30th (plus or minus three days) for events in those areas. That said, it may be a good idea for you to reread July's forecast. A great deal of what happened last month has ramifications in the present. Information in that report will still be relevant in August. If you like, you can click here to get your July 2000 Gemini forecast, or you can click on the link at the bottom of the page.

Travel seems to be a big theme this month. The July 30 new moon eclipse in your 3rd sector of travel and this month's full moon in your 9th sector of long-distance journeys on August 15 will feed off each other. That full moon is in tough aspect to Saturn, so there may be some sort of obligation connected to the journeys. In fact, it could turn out to be rather exhausting. Try to pace yourself and leave a little time for a special relaxing treat. Because this full moon is gliding close to Uranus, a project could change in a largely unexpected way. Don't be alarmed; change can be good. Luckily, you are a flexible sign; I doubt anything would faze you. If you were born near June 12, the August 15 full moon will have a heavenly influence. Enjoy that period.

In August's last days, especially around August 29, Mars and Uranus squabble. Their opposition forms a cosmic tug-of-war. Because both Mars and Uranus are transiting your two travel sectors, you have to be ultra careful on the road. Keep your car in good shape during that last week of the month, or you could find yourself in a small accident. If your car is making a weird noise, don't pretend it will go away on its own — get things fixed. The end of August is (in America) a very highly trafficked period with many people on vacation and students going back to school. You may be a fine driver, but others may not be. Drive defensively. Beware of road rage too, no matter where you live. If someone is aching to draw you into a fight on the road, ignore his or her taunts. Mars opposed to Uranus can heat things up.

On a happier note, another of July's big aspects will still be in operation through August. Since July 27, Jupiter (planet of gifts, wish-making, and happiness) has been sending Neptune (planet of inspiration, vision, and dreams) a rare and beautiful vibration. This has not happened in years. You have a fantastic opportunity to take a big step toward making a dream a reality this month. Because Neptune is the natural ruler of your 10th sector of fame, this is especially true if your dream is career-oriented. The ancients called the 10th sector the Sector of Dignity. They considered its location at the top of the horoscope to be the source and forum for leadership skills. Right now, this sector is getting plenty of support from lucky Jupiter, ensuring praise for past efforts. You should be moving toward a career or community goal. If so, this establishes you as a leader able to take charge and work in the public's best interests.

Jupiter rules partners and collaborators — spouses, sweethearts, business partners, agents, or lawyers. This month, special allies go out of their way for you. Such a partner will stand by you, steadfastly aligned with you to meet your goals. You get much needed support; Jupiter has not sent such a positive aspect to Neptune in years. Pay attention to your supporters and express your appreciation. Do so soon, for this aspect it will only be within orb for a short time. Try to spend a little extra quality time with your partner; you could cook up fascinating new ideas and plans for the future.

Partners are going to be ultra-helpful this month. Pluto, now sitting in your 7th sector of partners, is about to move to much stronger orbit from August 20 on. Pluto has been retrograde since March, but turns forward to direct motion this month, bringing a big boost of support from significant others and business collaborators. This is likely a welcome change. If you felt your Other (whether a business or personal partner) has been a bit preoccupied, you will be pleased with a change in attitude. This person will be there for you in spades.

Pluto also rules your sector of health. Expect a wonderful breakthrough in fitness or overall vitality. Pluto is the one planet that helps us to turn over a new leaf or shed an old skin (like a bad habit). Use this fabulous move into direct orbit to develop a healthier lifestyle.

Though Pluto brings great help in the areas of partnership and health, its transit of your 7th sector until the end of 2008 is a double-edged sword. It indicates that your growing success will attract ruthless competitors who want a piece of your turf. You may already be swatting away these predators. Your partner could be a big help in this regard, acting as a buddy and protector, and making you feel less alone in your duel with these detractors. That should be a comforting thought!

In romance, there is one difficult aspect I should warn you about. On August 14, Venus (the planet of love and the ruler of your 5th sector of romance) sends an angry glance at Pluto. This aspect presents an obstacle between you and a lover. On this day you may have to face up to a difficult truth about your partner or about yourself. My advice? Try not to make too much of this aspect. It will move away a few days later. A teaspoon of unconditional love may dissolve troubling feelings that surfaced.

In case you don't already have enough to think about in August, the new moon on August 29 may bring an enormous opportunity to improve your home situation. After an entire month of travel-related activities, you have four heavenly bodies (Sun, Venus, Mercury and the new moon) serving as firm anchors to home base. A roommate or family member may be moving in or out of your house, or he or she may be helping you move somewhere new. This may just be a time of cleaning out closets, shampooing rugs, beginning renovations, or painting rooms. In any case, a fresh living space is indicated in your chart. (With the new moon in Virgo, cleanliness and reorganization is a big part of this trend.) If you are striving to make improvements before the holidays later this year, your timing is perfect. Late August is also a good time to buy new things for your home. See what a difference new linens or plants can make in your everyday surroundings. Life will feel perkier and more comfy. Tired of mismatched dishes or a shortage of forks? Maybe it is time to treat yourself to a new set.

Whatever home-related project is demanding attention seems to mark the start of a trend. Mars is heading to this same 4th sector of domestic/property/family issues, from mid-September through October. Don't dismiss your nesting urges! Of course, just because the planets are turning your attention toward the home does not mean that making changes will be a breeze. Finding the funds and/or winning your partner's approval are two potential obstacles to clarifying your vision. What else is new? But in this magical month you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it, so press forward with attitude, Twin.

If you have no home-related plans on your agenda, think of it this way: home is where the heart is. Parents may claim your focus instead. If you've been meaning to help your mom put up a bookcase or reorganize her basement, this could be the time you lend a hand.

The month winds down with that new moon on August 29. It is unlikely that travel will figure largely in your plans at the end of the month, even for Americans, despite the Labor Day holiday soon after that date on the weekend of September 2-4. You may choose to sit still, dear Gemini. By then you will likely be too tired to lift a finger to pack one more suitcase.

As long as it looks like you will be staying home, you might want to throw a party — choose August 26. It would be lovely day to do so, because the moon is in elegant and compatible Leo and will be sending kisses to Venus and Saturn. My second favorite night for you (no matter what your martial status) would be the weekend prior, on August 19, when the moon is in Aries. If you are busy moving, throwing a party might not be possible — unless you invite the crowd over to help you load and unload the moving van. In that case, pack an ice cooler with Cokes and order a few tasty, hot pizzas. Such a party would be a great idea.

Whew, Gemini — How on earth are you going to keep this month organized? Travel, money, career, romance, and home-related concerns all move to center stage. I am getting exhausted just writing about it! Can you handle it all? Of course you can — you're a versatile Gemini!

Summary:

This month, you are the cosmic headliner, dear Gemini. Jupiter encourages optimism and brings plenty of luck. At the same time, Saturn bestows the self-discipline and wisdom to ensure that you make a success of your grand plans. Be aware that Pluto's position indicates you may have to defend your position from energetic competitors or jealous naysayers. The Cosmos is staunch in its support, so press forward aggressively. A plethora of travel opportunities throughout the month will lighten your spirit and provide needed diversion. Plan to be home when the new moon comes on August 29, bringing a renewed enthusiasm to feather your nest — marking the start of your best period to make comfy improvements that will stand the test of time."

OK, there you go, Loony...
G'night, got to go to bed (don't tell me it's already morning at your place!)

*drifting off, in her usual v.e.l.manner*

Awesome. I didn't realise I had such a busy month planned for me. Here's your one for the next week.

SAGITTARIUS
Newsweek shares the same building with Karma Central.
We just learned that we can sneak into Newsweek's cafeteria!
Wow!
But we've never been. Do you think Newsweek would have good chow?
MTV has a great cafeteria. We've been. It's really cheap with lots of
yummy stuff.
Best part is the outdoor area that looks down on Times Square.
Comedy Central doesn't have a cafeteria, but lots of meetings here have food.
And when the meetings end, the food is left and us Karma Centralers swoop down on it like vultures on a rotting fly-infested carcass.
It's not just cheap -- it's free!
This week Sagittarius is admired by the one they admire. This is really cool, and has nothing to do with the stuff we just wrote above.

I need for everyone to move to the other end of the room, to counter-balance Titania's last post, which aces the ten-longest-posts section at over 18K words. Looney what does your book of charts say for us poor Scorpios?

Loony, I will never be able to tell when you are serious, and when you are just joking around...?

SCORPIO
Napster.
It's fun, it's under attack and our spell check goes nuts when we write it.
Just like you right now.
Some one close to you suspects you of the most evil doings.
For once, it's not true.
Kidding about that "for once" stuff, chill.
But this someone is driving you nutty.
Best to get away from it all. Run away. Take a vacation.
At the very least just don't pick up the phone. That will drive them
berserk.

Lil, sorry about that, I just did the COPY & PASTE thing, ought to have checked it out first, I guess...

Well, this is my source's SHORT version for Scorpio

"This month gets off to a rosy start. You are feeling the favorable events of the solar eclipse of July 30, which touched the part of your horoscope ruling professional honors, awards, and even fame and acclaim. Feeling valued at work always does wonders for the psyche."

I was only joking Titaia; it was an interesting skim. Meanwhile, here I am feeling utterly strange after Minoova's hijack today and planning a major vacatio/business trip in light of the museum exhibition offer. Everything fits. I've even found some people who will take my dobermann if I move soon. All is change.

G'night Lil, g'night Loony!

I've really GOT to go now, 1.30 am Thursday morning...

See you later today!

*drifting off, almost falling asleep before she reaches the door*

Sheesh... leave the Atelier for only one day, and you have 100 posts of backlog to digest, including some odd possessions of unsentient beings and a visit from Lucifer himself (hey man, the Bubonic Plague was awesome! It's my favorite work of yours! ). Methinks the Atelier is just getting too large for me to keep up with.