h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A lot of backlog about backlog over the weekend! I don't think there is any point having two scribes for the 2000-post threads, we might just as well stick to 1k if we did that.

Will be back to tell you about my weekend in a minute, but have to go and get first - took me longer to wade through the posts than I thought it would and my caffeine level is getting dangerously low...

k

You call a new thread at the start of a busy weekend and then I have 11 pages of blog to get through plus my remainded from the previous thread what is an honest hard working politico to do.

<>

does such a thing exist?

{Teuchter}

*gratefully receives large mug of from Matina and settles back to hear about Kelli's weekend.

*sips *

Right,well as you can see, I survived the weekend with the outlaws and have returned relatively unscathed. I think I have unearthed the source of J's mother's problem - good old fashioned sibling rivalry. As well as meeting the aged aunts, who we were expecting, J's uncle (will call him GLI) was there too with his wife.

GLI has done quite well for himself in life, starting at the bottom he worked his way up through his company to become the managing director. J's mum obviously feels quite competitive and is constantly worried that everything is suitably impressive for GLI. Having now met GLI, all this is clearly in his mum's head because he is a lovely chap with no side to him at all. He was very charming, friendly and open. I think she just doesn't feel like she measures up and so puts pressure on her sons to 'out-do' GLI's children. This seems completely unnecessary and just serves to make everyone unhappy. GLI is probably unaware of any of this!

I feel completely relaxed about pretty much ignoring his mother's comments now because I understand what causes her to make them and know that she doesn't need to worry.

So all in all a good weekend
k

Kelli...

As I seem to remember quite a few Salonistas having a side-career as scouts, I thought I'd drop this here - I'm sure they (and most likely others, too) will recognise the feeling...

http://www.lindevej.dk/blog/2005/04/warm-feeling.html

(had this picture that had to go with it, otherwise I'd done something in my journal here...)

*Does a little dance upon seeing Kelli's choice of word*

Well done Kelli, very clever and sensible of you to spot the problem and work it all out so her behaviour stops bothering you. If you carry on in this warm-hearted vein, you'll be feeling sorry for her next

I've gone and looked at my eyes in the mirror. Big mistake. Am now horribly aware of the fact I look like a hippoptamus (tiny angry little eyes set in swollen grey pouches - ooh, I'm really selling myself here... I am normally quite proud of my eyes, which tend to very clear whites and no bags even when I'm knackered).

Must stop this self-pity party and go and make some coffee and return to The Novel, which is stuck in pouring rain in the dark surrounded by brambles. I must debrambulate my lead character and get him somewhere warm before he stops cooperating.

Wish I could write novels... I'm brilliant at coming up with plot and characters but s**te at writing actual fiction.

That's exactly how my eyes go, Ag! And then the swollen pouches go red and start peeling as if burnt.

I'm sorry to burst in on people talking about their weekends and the like...but I'm going to turn this out to the salonistas. This is due to you all being an intelligent bunch and many of you also being pretty emotional.

Say once a week or so I get angry with whoever I'm with and am cold and hostile. I don't do anything particular and it usually happens late at night and the next day I'm reasonably fine. There is a reason behind this. When I am so incrediably angry with myself and hate myself amazingly, I find it incrediably incrediably difficult to come up with a *positive* solution. So in my eyes the choice becomes either letting a bit of the anger out so it doesn't burn me up, or keeping it inside me and cutting myself or becoming more depressed and lying in bed practically motionless.

I understand that it's all about choices and these choices aren't the ONLY ones I could make and they are merely what are seen as the *easiest* choices (despite not actually being easy at all). However, Mikey isn't at all happy with me getting angry with her (which is perfectly understandable). The problem is that she emphasises the choices bit far too much and I end up feeling that there's no point in trying to do something different in reaction to feeling so bad because whatever choice I make will either be the wrong one, affect someone negatively anyway, will make me feel worse, or will be so incrediably difficult as to make me feel worse anyway even if it does get rid of the anger.

But now of course I'm stuck because I HAVE to talk about it tomorrow (Monday) with Mikey and I can't in any possible way. It hurts too much; it amkes me hate myself incrediably; it makes me cry; I forget what I'm supposed to be talking about; I resent her; and it goes round and round in circles.

What do people think I can do? Or perhaps not that but does everyone else feel that it's all about choices? Because if so then I've been *choosing* since I was 3 to be depressed and self-harm and not enjoy life. Which just breaks my heart if I look at it from an out-side view.

Sorry to bring something so personal and depressing/attention-seeking in here.

Kat

Kat

I don't think anyone chooses to be depressed and I don't think anyone chooses not to enjoy life.
To say otherwise would imply that depression is something you choose to have - and that's not the case.

This is not an easy thing to help you with so I'm going to think about this some more before I say anything further.

*s Kat*

You're not attention-seeking, Kat. You're asking your friends for help and none of us have a problem with that.

What I'm going to do, and perhaps others will follow suit, is to tell you an anecdote or two about how I reacted in some situations. This will (hopefully) be more interesting than a lecture on what I think you should do and you'll be able to see the range of responses available to us all.

Chin up, lass.

I'm going to think about this in the bath. I'll be back later on.

I know it's not a choice as such to be depressed but what's being pushed at me is that it IS a choice of whether I wallow in it or do something positive and sort it out. Any sense?

I'm now thinking that I should have thought more before telling everyone all this because it doesn't really present anything in the a) most reasonable way or b) the whole problem really.

Oh dear

Kat

I'd go for the being positive option...
Having been a wallower and having seen good friends of mine wallow I would not recommend it.

Throw yourself into a hobby, go for walks in the park, when you're having an up day make a list of all the good things in your life and read it when you're feeling down.

Whatever you do don't go for medication it's expensive and it's far better to rely on your own willpower than it is to become dependant on a chemical.

The cake mixes reminded me of the time I suggested making milkshakes to the kids in the family I was staying with while studying business English in Brighton many years ago. Their reply was 'but we're out of mix!'
I was quite baffled, because I'd only had milkshakes made from mix at McDs and similar establishments, never at home. These kids had never tasted real home-made milkshakes!

I put them to work mashing bananas and crushing ice while mixing milk, chocolate granules and vanilla icecream - but they did look a bit horrified when I added the raw egg (makes them wonderfully fluffy and foamy). Everyone, including their uncle (who was visiting and lived in Australia) thought they were the most delicious milkshakes they'd ever had.

Kat, I think most people will hate themselves at some time in their lives – some more often than others. It might help if you could find an acceptable and even constructive way of letting off steam and relieving yourself – some kind of safety valve. Personally, I find physical activites help – there is a reason that my other self is Kristina the Flamenco Dancer, because the dancing allows me to let off quite a lot of steam. Martial arts, kick boxing or lifting weights might be other ways of working off anger, whether it's aimed at yourself or someone else.

Problem is that most days I either don't feel good enough to get out of bed, see no reason why I deserve to do something better with myself, don't want to solve the problem, or don't see that there is any problem.

I have enough trouble just playing the piano. I don't even go to school or anything so you'd think that just having one hobby wouldn't be too hard.

Maybe I've thrown something in here which has too much background and strange tangents for anyone to really be able to say something constructive which I won't be able to chuck down. Sorry...maybe I withdraw all of this 4am may not be the best time to start posting these sorts of things. In fact...talk amongst yourselves...

Kat

[MTG]

Dear Kat, have a .

I am going to do a bit of opening up here myself now, because I understand how very very hard these situations are and wished someone else had when I was unhappy. You of course are welcome to pay me no attention at all .

When I was in my late teens I used to self-harm. I was very depressed and lonely, and I was also unwell physically, so I was in a lot of pain (which is an unhinging experience at the best of times) and it took a long time to get a diagnosis and medical help as it was all dismissed as 'period pains' and quite usual. I hurt myself because it was easier to have an actual physical wound to tend to than all these horrible unnamable feelings of uselessness and hatred of this horrible body that kept letting me down for (as I was assured by professionals) 'no reason'. I was frightened of telling anyone what I was going through and as I was at boarding school it was quite easy to hide it from parents and from the staff and from the few friends I did have (a couple of whom were rather troubled themselves). At this stage in my life, to be told I could 'do something positive' or 'choose to be sensible' seemed to me to be like being told to grow wings or walk across the Atlantic. Yes, I could see exactly what the sensible behaviours would be, but they were absolutely not possible. Pretending to be calm and happy and rational for a week at home with my parents would leave me a shaking wreck. I was very glad when my physical illness was finally diagnosed as it gave me a good excuse to curl up in my bedroom and do not much for a year. It was VERY BORING and in its own way quite stressful, but I think it helped me sort my brain out and get back on track. And then I went to University and despite the odd stress-out or externally induced horrible few weeks (when my sister was ill, and then when my Mum was ill), I have been getting calmer and happier ever since. I am still prone to getting depressed and sluggish, but I no longer feel full of rage and self-loathing. I quite like me and my misbehaving body. And I think the year of sulking was in a way vital to this recovery. I did however have the goal of going to University ahead of me, so I knew the situation couldn't last forever. It's important to see a time when things will be different ahead. It's when there is no 'ahead' that things are too horrible.

Do you have an ahead? Are you able to say 'I won't do anything now, but in a year, or two years time, I will go to college/ Bolivia/ another city/ start an OU course. So now, I'm allowed to crawl into my den and wait for the worst to blow over.' Being asked to do something NOW is probably far too much to deal with. But in a year or two, well, you have a year to get used to the idea and able to think about it now without feeling overwhelmed because you don't have to do a thing about it now.

And remember, no experience is wasted, and nothing you do or think is not valuable. Even years of feeling terrible are worth something, because Kat is worthwhile in and of herself, whether she is spending the day in bed in the foetal position, or in a screaming rage, or happy, or busy, or sad.

And if all the above is not in the least helpful, that is also OK. We can't all want the same things from our friends, or we'd be very boring.

Ooh, blimey. Off to get some more coffee.

Kat, it seems like you need some external help to enable you to make the kinds of positive steps that will help you with this. I know that recently NICE has been recommending a program of exercise for mild to moderate depression rather than use of medication, and in cases of severe depression they would encourage the exercise alonside the appropriate medication. They have found that you get better long-term outcomes with execise.

How would you react to somebody telling you it is time to exercise now, and not taking no for an answer - would you allow yourself to be prompted in this way?

Or perhaps arranging for a session with a personal trainer (so you have a set time to get up and a reason to make yourself go out to make the appointment) a couple of times a week. Or finding a salsa class or something like it to go to, again, it is an appointment - a fixed time when you have to do something.

Have you tried this sort of thing already?

k