h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pauses on her way out, laughing* Nobody tell him, he has to look it up. You have an ENGLISH exam coming, remember?
*Exit down stairs, giggling* You feelthy thespian, you...

You're too late, Lil, Phil already mentioned...

Thespian is pronounced "Thesspian", but some of my highschool friends have a tendancy to pronounce it as "Thezbian" to rhyme with "Lesbian". I'm actually a member of the International Thespian Society (ITS).

I was going to try to get back on topic at this point, but I forgot what the topic was...

Walk Like A Bearded Rainbow...

Dreaded simulpost eh? Well, don't think I'll be slipping that word in gratuitously for the litrature parts. Oh, isn't that a posh word beginning with l?

You is gaggin fo a spellin bee

?

Well that will teach me to try to use slang not my own.

Your room space is ready. Like all the other space around here, it will expand to fit your needs. But I put a heavy door and lots of soundproofing up so that your band practise or whatever won't disturb me at my ott. I look forward to seeing how you furnish/arrange it. Or hearing about it, if there are privacy issues. At the moment it's just a rather large room with a separate bath and kitchen area.

Only one rule: if you have a party, you must make another entrance. Fair?

*Suddenly, a ridiculously loud explosion is heard downstairs. Its soundwaves knock down the sound-proof door, and the pitcher of punch that Ampton was about to serve shattered. Afgncaap5, completely covered in soot runs up the stairs*

Hey, everybody! After spring break, and my computer crashing for half a week, I was able to figure out a way to solve my problem with the Krylma leader! It's so simple, really. All I need to do is . . .

*Notices everyone's odd glances. Looks down, slaps his forhead, walks to the entrance, and wipes his shoes on the "WELCOME" mat. Comes back in*

Sorry, I'm just excited. All I have to do is combine the technologies of my fish cloner, the personality implanter, the PDCC device, and a blender! I'll just clone a new body for the Krylma leader, and transfer his personality to the new body! Granted, we'll have an evil arch-supervillain on our hands who wants to murder several researchers (Joanna, Eomando, Garius, Bluebottle, Paul Perfect, Demon Drawer, just to name a few), but I think I can deal with him.

Anyway, I need someone to operate the machine for me. Any volunteers?

*Glances at Ampton and who's been through this before, but he jumps behind the couch, violently shaking his head*

I'll throw the switch, but first maybe you ought to get Bond in here... we want to restrain the villain once he's in his new body, no? And... uh... am *I* on that list?

~Irving

At the risk of political incorrectness, why don't we clone the Krylma leader into the body of a quadriplegic ... or another sloth?

*goes over to survey the damage to the door* Well, I wanted to live upstairs from a technology lab. O landlord-entity, any chance we can get this fixed before my nephew arrives with his CD's and his bass guitar?? Mind you, if anybody would be likely to volunteer for switch-mastering, no questions asked, it would be Mike A.

Ampton, come back here and see if you can calm Mindspring down. He's a bit unnerved by the explosion, I think.

Affy, nice to have you back. Would you like to wash off that soot in the kitchen?

Y'know, if I'm ever in England, I'm gonna look Mike A up and see if we can have a jam session. I'm no Eric Clapton, but maybe we could figure out a couple of Cream tunes...

~Irving

*opening door to studio and summoning cleaning bot* The life our Mike A leads, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people go to England and hunt him down, I mean look him up.

*cleaning bot hoovers up splinters and plaster dust*
*Ampton carries meeping sloth over to furry hearthrug and begins to brush it*

Now what shall I do about this door?

I have heard that duct tape does wonders.

Can you believe it ? tonight I am actually *gasp* updating my webpage

We have the technology. We can rebuild it

Sporky and Phil and Irv, give me a hand with this door. I do believe the hardware is intact! Whatever Affy did seems to have explosively unscrewed all the screws ... the real damage was downstairs, which is where all the dust and bits must have come from.

So all we need to do is put it back as if it were new. Ampton, your positronic screwdriver please.

Well! Imagine that! Screws exploding perfectly outward without damaging the door or stripping themselves! What'll they come up with next???

Didn't you notice that roman candle whizzing noise as they unscrewed themselves at incredibly high speed?

Oh, what do you know? We're all wearing the exact same outfit! What's the probability of that ?

I don't know! What's the probability that you and I would even own the same dress as Lil is wearing?

*sporky tries to bring up the whole laws of improbability, but just ends up going gaga and goes about wetting himself on the floor whilst reading a box of toothpicks