h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, say, for example, there is this guy, who has had his first sexual encounter with another guy, and really rather enjoyed it. This guy, does not think though, that this has diminished his 'attraction', towards, or 'desire', of, the female of the species. Would this guy be bisexual? Or was the sexual encounter with another man, just a one off event, that doesn't affect his sexuality? I guess the question is, is a man bisexual because he has sex with other men, or is that only the case when he is involved in 'relationships' with other men?

This is one of those things where each person eventually finds a label with which they are comfortable. I know a lad who has sex with men every so often, but who says he is heterosexual. I know another one who also sometimes sleeps with men, but he identifies as bisexual. It's all a matter of personal comfort, and I guess it depends on how 'this guy' feels about life in general as to whether he adopts one label, another label, or none at all. ('None at all' is an equally valid choice, in my opinion.)

On the spectrum of men-who-have-sex-with-men, it's not all that easy to assign labels, except when the man in question only sleeps with men (that's me...). Even then, I'm not completely sure that the label serves any purpose at all.

To get back to the question - a man is bisexual if that's how he wants to identify himself. That's probably not all that helpful - sorry.

Somewhere I once read a good definition of the male homosexual, and I wish I could remember where. I suspect it was one of the French existentialists. It was something about how any man can have sex with another man, as there's no physical impossibility about it, but only a homosexual man falls in love with other men. I offer that for what it's worth.

Ivan.

That is really helpful, thank you ever so much.
I guess 'this guy' was thinking that it is an 'either'/'or', situation, but from what you say, I guess there are shades of gray.
So, if this guy was homosexual/bisexual, he would most probably 'know it'? So, that he doesn't probably puts him in the 'box' labeled (why do we all have this obsession with labelling people, including labelling ourselves?) of a 'mainly hetrosexual', or something like that, not that the guy is particularly worried any more about trying to fit into a nice 'neat' label!
Hang on, why am I still 'beating round the bush' here, its pretty clear that the guy in question is me!
LOL
I've had a few other thoughts since my origional message. I think some of the concern I had of weather I am/weather I ain't, might be a lot to do with the man in particular that I was with, who, now I think of it, certainly wouldn't be my first choice.
I think its something I'd certainly like to try again, and having read what you have wrote, makes me feel somewhat more... (I'm trying to think of the correct word), 'settled', or 'at ease' with the whole thing Thanks again!

So, you're 'this guy'?

As some dead Greek bloke said once upon a time, 'Know Thyself'. I think that's the best position to take. You're obviously aware of your own feelings etc; if you're comfortable with that, then a label is supremely unimportant. Labels only exist because humans find life easier to deal with when it's divided into little boxes and single-serve portions. However, life is not like that at all. Everything comes in shades of grey.

One episode is not enough to base any assessment upon. The fact that I was at the pub on Saturday and ended up with a savage hangover on Sunday doesn't make me an alcoholic, after all.

Of course, when one is first trying to work things like this out, a label can be handy. I suspect that you probably could be defined as 'straight', in general terms, and the fact that you've had experiences outside that category is neither here nor there. Of course, you can change the label at any time...

The label is primarily of use to other people. You'll probably find that you don't need it when you're dealing with yourself as you're still the same person you've always been. In that case, the only label you need is your RL name.

I'm glad you found my ramblings of some use. (I'm not sure if this post is quite as helpful; I think I may still be a bit sleepy.) If you need any more of the same, or if you'd just like to kick a few ideas about, feel free to let me know.

Ivan.

It is as it was earlier, very* helpful to hear from you. I think I am still 'sorting through' the 'things' wizzing through my head at the moment from the other night's experiances, and from what you've been saying, its given me a clearer 'light' within which to sort them into my own head, to fill in my own 'label', should I need one for myself, and concoct a new 'feeling' of myself based on what I now know.
At the end of the day, the way I see it, is that I had a sexual experiance with another man, someone of my own sex, and enjoyed it greatly; there is no* way that 'fact' can change, and whatever consequence that might have, is inconsequentual, because it is a feature of me, me as a person, me as a individual, I think you have helped me realise that, and thank you again, ever so much Though, as you say, it was a (as yet) one off experiance, thus far, and I will have to see how things happen, and develop, if indeed they do.
You have really helped me set my mind at ease, and help me realise what I already knew, as regards all the stupid and rediculus 'hang ups', and 'prejuidices', I've probably absorbed during my life, which have probably gagued a lot of my response to this, and which are feelings and predjuices and the like I certainly never thought I had.
Well, at least, if nothing else, I've lost those predjuices, which is a benifit to both myself, and anyone I care to come to contact with in whatever context.
Thanks again

No worries.

I'm feeling lucky; I sorted all this out in my own life when I was still a teenager, and it hasn't troubled me since. (I'm 33 now.) I'd sum up the result of a lot of soul-searching as - 'This is me; this is the only me that I have; if I'm happy with that, there's an end of the matter'. And I am happy, in a generally content and relaxed sort of way, so that's that.

I am feeling a lot more relaxed by it all now, as more time has passed, I think now I am happy with this 'new' me, which is still 'me', at the end of the day. I wish there were people in real life I could talk to and share this with, but I think most of my friends would not understand at all, one of the problems I guess with having come from a small town in a 'backwater', I always knew such places have rediculus 'hang ups', 'predjuices' etc., only now, they are more important to me. Well, maybe I will be able to talk to some friends at some point, I will see how it goes for now.

Here's to the New You, and the remarkable similarity it bears to the Old You.

Slightly off track - have you read Virginia Woolf's 'Orlando'? If not - Orlando lives for more than 400 years and just happens to change gender sometime in the late 17th century, but Orlando is still Orlando... If a change of sex is that unimportant, then a certain amount of fluidity in sexual identity is even less important.

When the moment's right, you may have a chance to mention this business (and related matters) to your RL friends. No need to rush, of course. But when the time comes, they may surprise you with their acceptance of the new reality.

Hope you don't mind, I added you to my 'friends' list Your advice has been very helpful; I think you are right, I think I am trying to 'run' when I've only just learnt to walk!

I am delighted to appear on your Friends list.

Ivan. (at work, and therefore unable to say much at the moment)

At work and on H2G2?! What an idea... Work is slow and boring today as per useual...

I just have this dreadful feeling I'll be caught one day, and sent down the salt mines...

How's things?

Ivan.

Well, I already work down a salt mine, so I've no fear of being sent to one Things are good, very good, its odd reading back through this, how I felt back what, only a few weeks ago, and now, its like I've always felt this way, which of course I have*, as like you said earlier, it is still me! Guess I'm feeling a lot more confedent about myself, after the 'shakyness' I felt to start with Thanks again for your help

No worries....

I seem to feel so much more relaxed in myself, within just a few months Thanks

All part of the service... I'm glad things are going nicely for you.

Hello again, I think the site is a bit odd today what with the BBC strike. I guess this message will appear sometime, and this is the irst time I've logged in to reply to messages in months! Hope you are still doing well, I seem to be

Yes, they had us all on pre-mod for 24 hours, during the strike. It was a very odd feeling, knowing that people were here but not being able to 'see' them as such...

Ooh, look I fell in (Hey Ivan)

Just adding my bit for what its worth, which isn't the paper its printed on.

Just wanted to say I hope you're comfortable with who you are, just because you fit into a catergory doesn't always mean that you are happy there. You just have to be who you are and make peace with that for your own sake,not anyone elses.

I'm who I am because its who suits me best, not because society, my friends, family or anyone else thinks its who I should be. It took me a while to realise that I had to be the best me for me instead of trying to squash myself in a predefined box.

There will always be friendly folk around here, not all of them mind, but the M2M2 usually has a few friendlies, albeit crazies to chat to.

Stay happy,
Willow

Well ... you know.... I'm just zis guy.... ooo we're getting a bit of a crowd in here