Meet Mr Inquisitor
Created | Updated Sep 2, 2004
Meet Mr Inquisitor
Hello again everyone, and welcome to another edition of the Post interview column that likes to move
it move it. One of the slightly surprising things about resuming the role of Mr Inquisitor recently was
my discovery that there was a bit of a backlog of volunteer interviewees accrued by my self-styled
replacement. Amongst their number was Reverend Jack Russell who
may be known to you through his own Post column. So I invited him to step into the oubliette for a
chat...
Reverend, you're probably best known to the readers for your regular Post column 'Reverend
Jack's Dairy.' What's your favourite breed of cow?
I think my favourite breed of cow is probably a pedigree Belgium Blue - of course, rare and with a
side salad, also with a nice lightly chilled chardonnay!
Don't you think it's a bit environmentally irresponsible to go about eating rare
cows?
It's the only way to eat good steak, char grilled, rare and with a good green side salad! Of course I
can see the problem, the moral issue about eating meat, something with a face and all that, but hey who
cares! It's food.
Do you suppose these people who won't eat 'anything with a face' would happily chow down on
that security guard from Silence of the Lambs who had his removed (by Hannibal the Cannibal,
appropriately enough)? In theory surely they shouldn't have a problem. Any thoughts?
Well only to say, I wouldn't have a fine Chianti, more like a really good burgundy! It's personal
choice of course! I would never to presume to choose for someone else unless asked!
Fair enough. In her 2001 hit 'whenever wherever', Shakira sings 'Lucky that my breasts are
small and humble, so you don't mistake them for mountains'. does this make you think any
differently about mountain climbing as a hobby?
This evening I'm in teenage mode, whatever!
Right. What's the secret of good wicket keeping?
Getting someone else to do it! It's always a good thing to do, delegation is a motto of mine!
Have you considered getting someone else to do this interview for you?
Nope! You're doing just fine!
Well, I try. Would you like to ask me a question?
Nope! Can't think of a single one!
Great. In his Introduction to Western Philosophy, Bertrand Russell writes that 'the view of
Hegel, and of many other philosophers, is that the character of any portion of the universe is so
profoundly affected by its relations to the other parts and to the whole, that no true statement can be
made about any part except to assign it its place in the whole. Since its place in the whole depends upon
all the other parts, a true statement about its place in the whole will at the same time assign the place
of every other part in the whole. Thus there can be only one true statement; there is no truth except
the whole truth.' Any thoughts in response to this?
Exactly! The relationship that a slice of rhubarb pie (with optional custard) is perfect and can not
be surpassed by another pudding! Never, not even by spotted dick!
I think that possibly falls into the category of too much information (just for once). What sports
would you like to see added to the next Olympics?
Running, jumping and standing still.
Hmmm. To conclude then, would it be fair to say you consider brevity to be a virtue?
Sorry son! But you're boring me now!
Well, God forbid. Thanks to Reverend Jack Russell for those scintillating insights. I should point
out that I'm considering taking a leaf from the book of the Olympic movement and introducing
mandatory random drug tests for all interviewees in future.
As I mentioned near the start, the list of guilty souls awaiting Inquisition has grown to startling
length and so apologies if you've volunteered in the past and we haven't got back to you yet. Rest
assured that the Inquisition never forgets. Until next time, I've been Mr Inquisitor, ta-ta!
