h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A portal from the planet Mobius/SatAMArchie opens, and AA5's ship tears through it*

AA5-Okay, we've got quite a ways to go here. Better begin Operation Shake-Off.

*AA5 has the autopilot chart the only reasonable course through the Asteroid Field located in this section of hyperspace. As the ship makes its way through various tight squeezes and tricky tunnels, AA5 begins deploying the blue spheres behind him*

AA5-They may track me through hyperspace....they may be able to weave between the asteroids....but let's see them get through the Wildcard Bombs. And, if my message got through, then there should be one other stumbling block for them to worry about....

*AA5 watches the gate in hyperspace close, and hopes that his signals don't see it open again*

Nice reference.


[A different hyperspace gateway coming from a different direction entirely shows up; it is a sleek black Altarian sedan, designed mostly for awesome appearance, but this one was modified for speed and maneuverability. It probably isn't being piloted by the person who modified it thusly, however. It opens a channel with Anti-Affy's ship.]

[Ray Remark] Hi, it's me again. Looks like you're making it harder to pass through the asteroid field than it was already. Want me to help?

[Yo]Have we still got a fix on him?

[Lt]Absolutely sir, we've also got another ship just exiting hyperspace bearing 5-niner-06. From what we managed to descrable from AA5's last transmission its possible this was the reinforcements he was calling in.

[Yo]Right, go to Red Alert and I'll take control of the helm. Engineering, bring the auxilary reactor online and route that power to sheilds

AA5-Thanks, the help would be appreciated. Now, if only that bounty hunter would-

*As if on cue, a rift in hyperspace opens. Out pops what appears to be an anthropomorphic crow in a spacesuit, riding a Space Scooter*

Psy-Crow-I love the smell of bacon in the morning!

AA5-Ah, great! Psy-Crow, blast that pursuing ship! Ray Remark, blast the blasted ship with Psy-Crow! Both of you, while blasting, try to maneuver the ship to the bombs that I'm dropping so that you can blast the blasted blasted ship! Meanwhile, I'll begin powering up my brand new main weapon....


*So saying, Psy-Crow shoots a surprisingly powerful missile out of the front of his scooter, and begins loading another one before seeing if the missile impacted or not*

[Ray] With pleasure! I've been meaning to try out these GEAR missiles ...

[His ship zooms towards Yo's ship, guns blazing. The way his guns work is this: they fire out small green metallic orbs, which then erupt into large spheres of greenish-yellow energy (think the energy thingies V'ger was going to use to destroy Earth in "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"). When they impact anything, they explode in a black-dome-bordered-by-white blast that resembles the destruction of Tokyo in "Akira", except only the size of a building instead of a city.]

*Psy-Crow takes zips to the underside of Yo's ship and fires at what he's assuming is a fuel cell*

Psy-Crow-CawCaw!

*AA5, meanwhile, has started his mysterious Main Weapon's power-up process. Shouldn't take more than a post or two. However, his mind is occupied with with what looks like a graphics program on his computer. As this is happening, his auto-pilot is weaving a path through the asteroids, dropping another bomb every five or so seconds (in a path that requires pretty proficient flying skills to avoid hitting one, as this is pretty close to the end of the video game), and emphasizing shield strength on whatever portion of the shield that the computer believes the strongest attack is most likely to come from*

Affy-Let's see....I believe that General Krylma's creation might do well in a water-environment....I'll have to call him....Psy-Crow might be able to handle the initial area....

[Lt] LOOK OUT!

[Yo] Calm down I got i- OH SHHH***T



[Yo] I had that the entire time, peice of cake
[Lt]Whatever you say sir..

Psy-Crow-Hmmm? What's that coming at m-CAW!

*Psy-Crow launches another missile at Yo's ship on the port side while steering out of the direct path of that missile and towards the hull of Yo's ship, trying to figure out a reasonable way to dodge so many missiles. He hopes that they aren't guided, but has a gut-feeling that they will be*

*AA5 continues to mutter to himself as his ship continues deploying bombs in the most optimal of travel locations*

AA5-....then the factory can go there, with a mine nearby....

[Ray] Whoops.

[He raises his hands, and uses the Force to try to move one of the mines Anti-Affy dropped earlier /right/ into Yo's path. He also touches a control, launcing two of the "Really Smart Missiles", which aren't fooled by explosions or asteroids.]

AA5-....make this as odd and surreal as I can....put 'em on edge....

[OOC] The Pod is Guided but the missiles are 'dumb' in the military sense of the word



-meanwhile-



[Lt] We've got two more missiles inward bounder, dispensing CHAFF

[Yo to Chief Engineer] Reinforce the rear deflector






*Camera View switches to outside and slow motion*



*Back on the Bridge*

[Chief Engineer Ronnie] Redistributing power from the Port and Starboard Screens to the Fore. The blast took us down 17% on overall sheild strength and 74% on the Fore sheild.

[Yo]Send a signal to KL- Make it apparently clear that his presence is desired in this sector.

Psy-Crow-SQUAWK!

*Psy-Crow flies his best, but due to the lack of radar on his space scooter is unable to avoid two of the missiles. He isn't destroyed, but his space-scooter shakes a bit, he loses a good deal of ground, and he loses some feathers in a comical fashion*

Psy-Crow-Oh, that did it! Like two tiny sandcrabs, the waves of war have delivered us to the tide pool of combat! CAWCAW!!!

*Two more missiles fired from his Scooter*

*AA5's ship, meanwhile, has locked into the final destination. The primary weapon is powering up*

AA5-Ray! Psy-Crow! Get rid of that ship before any help arrives!

[Ray] I'm on it!

[He launches his Even Smarter missiles, which are capable of avoiding even things like the aluminum strip thingies, and would most likely be able to outsmart (and outfly) the missiles that chased Obi-Wan's ship in Episode II.]

*The Millenium Teapot arrives, but doesn't appear, just off the starboard quarter of AA5's ship, keeping time with it. It takes a few moments for Oreo to get his bearings, but when he does, he sees a relatively small asteroid directly and unavoidably in his path.*

Oreo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*The tea cosy of invisibility cushions the impact so that no damage is caused (just like the mines way back at the beginning of this adventure), but the collision throws the Millenium Teapot to the side so that it bumps AA5's ship. This may cause AA5's ship to go off course.*

*AA5's ship is pushed to the side. He falls out of his chair and checks his notes*

AA5-Hmmm....no damage was caused....whatever we hit was very soft....hmmmm.....

*AA5 considers adjusting to the new course, but decides that it really isn't worth it*

AA5-Almost there....

*Oreo, in a state of panic, twists the steering doughnut this way and that, overriding the auto-tracker which would have kept the Millenium Teapot in position, beside and slightly in front of AA5's ship. Thus, instead of being relatively safe, the Millenium Teapot careens around, hitting most of the asteroids in its path and bouncing repeatedly off of AA5's ship.*

[A pebble suddenly materializes behind Ray]

[Ray] ... What the hell?

SLR-WOOO-HOOO! WOOOOOOOOO-HOOO! I'M EATIN' TACOS!!!

*AA5's vessel is getting knocked further and further off course by Oreo's ship*

AA5-What on Earth is causing this turbulance? Computer, run some caluclations....mmmhmmm.....hmmmm....yes....fire all side-weapons on the ship!

[Scandrea, Darth Corrigible, Laguna, and Woogy suddenly appear on the ship behind Ray.]

[Ray] ... Um, excuse me a moment.

[He sends his ship flying away from the asteroid field and gets up to attack them.]

[Oh, and at that point the Bug comes out of hyperspace.]