h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"No, really, I'm fine"

"It was merely a flesh wound"

"It doesn't look that hard"

"Ok, turn it on"

"Don't point that at me!"

"Aw, look- how cute!"

"It's only expired last Thursday"
or alternatively
"Smells good to me"

"I've seen this done a hundred times before"

"Trust me!"

"WATCH OUT FOR THE TRAI---"
or, alternately,
"Watch out for that bu---"

Once again, thanks go out to the genius of Mr Pratchett for today's contribution:
"Ohshitohshitohshit I'm going to die!"

"Does anybody know how to fly a plane?"

"Oh come on! That never happens in real life! Look..."

"So I didn't pay you back. What are you going to do, shoot me?"

"Yes, I can smell gas too. I'll strike a match so I can see where it's coming from..."

I'd like to add a proviso to my last one: may only be performed by using charades by a man whose hat says "Wizzard" on it.
"Look, I've got the safety on."

But Rincewind never dies!

"Look, see, it is perfectly safe!"

"See, this is what happens when you wear a tie to shop class:"

"Give me the shovel"
or alternatively
"Throw me the knife"

"What does arsenic taste like?"

"I don't need a blood transfusion!"

"Your mother is sooooo .... "

wonderful???

I was going for the fat jokes

I love you guys SOOO much

Awwww.
I know he never dies but he comes pretty damn close, like, all the time. Plus I liked them. Sounds like exactly what he would say
How about:
"What the hell do you mean I've got three seconds to live cos you replaced my heart with a baked potato?"
Except through an orange hood.

And from Star Wars:
"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances."

what about the good ole' :

"May I fondle you?"

"Ok, on 3... 1, 2, threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

erm... that's enough for now. be back later

Oh.
*receives nudge in ribs*
Good!

"What are you, stupid?"

hehe

*g*

You're too good.